Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Technology Is Insulting Me

Did you ever have one of those moments when you suddenly realized you couldn't live another minute without Asleep at the Wheel's recording of "Cherokee Maiden"? I did, just yesterday.

So I pulled up the iTunes Music Store to download a copy, and while doing so noticed a new feature on the home page called "Just For You." Upon closer inspection, this turned out to be the equivalent of Amazon's recommendations: "You bought X, therefore we think you'll enjoy Y."

Unfortunately, the people who will probably unveil a 400GB video iPod the size of a Rice Krispie for Christmas 2007 are having problems refining the database queries that determine what's just for me.

Here are my last five purchases from the iTunes Music Store, aside from "Cherokee Maiden":
  • "Va, pensiero" from Verdi's Nabucco
  • "Un flambeau, Jeanette, Isabella" sung by Marilyn Horne
  • "I'll Fly Away" sung by Alison Krauss
  • "Au fond du temple" from Bizet's Les Pecheurs des perles
  • The Brokeback Mountain soundtrack
Based upon this track record, Apple's algorithm or logorithm or whatever rithm is responsible for such things feels strongly that I would love to own:
  • "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas
  • a dance remix of "Toxic" by Britney Spears
  • "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
Just what, pray, are you trying to suggest, iTunes?

If this were 18th century France and iTunes were the Marquis de Fromage-Verte, I would slap its face with my glove and call for pistols at dawn.

Stitches in Britches

Chicago's own men's knitting group, Stitches in Britches, meets tonight at the Argo Tea Café, 16 W. Randolph Street, Chicago, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. I will be there. Dolores will not. She says she's going to a prayer meeting.


--Deb said...

Oh, I love that Bizet duet . . . one of my all-time favorites, in fact. And, it'll probably be good for you and Dolores to take a break--she sounds like a trying guest.

Anonymous said...

Hmm... if I downloaded some of my favorites from Apple's ITunes ("Nessun Dorma" from Act 3 of Turandot; "God Bless the Child" - Billie Holiday; Marriage of Figaro Overture - Mozart; "Eat to the Beat" - Blondie and "Songs from the Woods" - Jethro Tull), I wonder what kind of batshit they would present to me as things I might like? I sincerely doubt Dolores is going to a prayer meeting - more likely an opium den, or another bar...

pacalaga said...

YUCK. Where did they get the idea that you'd like teeny-bopper rock? Hmmm, if I'll Fly Away is the one I'm thinking it is, I need to have that.
That Humps song drives me nuts. It's on that cell-phone commercial that plays every 15 minutes, alternated with the ads for Black/White that play the Race Card song. I'm going to start watching TV with the sound off. Hmm, sorry about the ranting tangent. (Would that be a rangent?)

Rana said...

My guess is that you haven't bought enough for them to generate a real profile, and so they're inflicting upon you the latest dreck they're flogging to everyone.

(Yeah, I know. I'm the party-pooper of reasonableness.)

dpaste said...

Is it bad that I have no frame of reference for a song called "Cherokee Maiden" or a group called Asleep at the Wheel?

Although I am familiar with "Un flambeau, Jeanette, Isabella."

Anonymous said...

I just downloaded a batch from iTunes last night, in fact. I'm still transferring most of my CDs to my iPod, so I only have two full operas on it so far: La Traviata and Cosi fan tutti.

Some of my playlists are:
Chicago Blues
Stones Stuff
Opera Cuts
Stevie Ray Vaughn
Dave Edmunds

I haven't looked at their suggestions for me. I'm fearful.

Anonmous said...

Maybe it's because you have the gayest download history since Carson from QueerEye...just a thought.

And would you please tell Delores to stop ringing my cell phone. I'll let her know when her stuff gets here...jeeesh!

Anonymous said...

As one who has long thought that life without Asleep at the Wheel or Bizet, especially "Au fond du temple" (one of the most beautiful songs ever written) is probably not worth living, I must thank you for a most enjoyable post and a good laugh. Are the staff at iTunes on drugs? or just ignorant? At any rate it is good to laugh at the inanities.

Sherry W said...

Come on, "Humps" would make a great opera! :P

Unknown said...

OMG - well, considering that I like iTunes choices for you, maybe I should purchase them then forward their choices for me to you!!

Jaws said...

I tried to comment on another one of your posts...not sure it took...
Please, please help me! I cannot get my favorite links to post on the sidebar! I've used Blogspot's unhelpful Help section to its fullest extent, I think. Since you are also on Blogspot, I thought you could be of help...Thanks!


Anonymous said...

LOL! Just for fun, since I normally leave the iTunes store off, I'll flick it on to see what it would suggest given that my last purchases were the Essential Cyndi Lauper, Sarah McLachlan, and Ladysmith Black Mambazo (singing with the English Chamber Orchestra on No Boundries....their version of Ave Verum Corpus is a thing of beauty)....let's see!

Eric Clapton, Alan Jackson and Dave Chappelle?
Ok, Eric Clapton - iffy - I'm more of a Mark Knopfler fan myself. Now, would Alan Jackson be due to the Willie Nelson albums....? But Dave Chappelle? Hmmm, perhaps my one Blackeyed Peas download caught that one?

Someone needs to get their picking programs tuned up!!

I already have Nessun Dorma - several versions, in fact. I had my iPod on shuffle and was enjoying about 45 minutes of lovely classic stuff, it lulled me into one of those peaceful moods....and then BLAM! Robert Palmer "Addicted to Love" - you do have to wonder about the moods these machines get into!

And tell Delores that with Easter coming up that she'd better watch her step.....she ain't no lamb, but a free Easter sheep might be in trouble walking around the streets.

Anonymous said...

You realise that in about 2 years people will be saying that a friend of theirs had a friend who knew a guy who used to take a sheep to strip clubs and prayer meetings...

Anonymous said...

The Marquis de Fromage-Verte is having a duel with the Duc de Boeuf-Bourginon for the honor of Madam Cornichon.

Wee. Fun with French.

Liz said...

Hell I'd ask for cannons at dawn with that kind of crap.


maniacalmultitasker said...

Franklin, you have achieved the impossible ie made me smile!
(after battling traffic due to road closures for the Commonwealth Games... and laptop playing up aaarrrghhh)

Leslie said...

Just a reminder, folks : the slappee gets to choose weapons.What if he picked, I dunno, border collies...

Anonymous said...

Asleep at the Wheel's the Best! Have a great Knit Night.

Anonymous said...

prayer meeting? i think not.

Mel said...

You made me go check my iTunes just to see what they think I should be buying, especially since I haven't bought anything from them in over a year. Most of it was fairly on target, but I don't get the "Joe Jackson: Greatest Hits" or Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative". Wonders of modern technology, eh?

Anonymous said...

Oh my God! Britney Spears and Kelly Clarkson? Does Dolores know about this? You could sike her on iTunes.

More Dolores stories please. We all just love her.

Jay said...

I don't know, Franklin... I can somehow see you doing the bump-and-grind to Britney... No?

Brenda said...

Prayer meeting? Yeah, that's what Aunt Hattie used to say, as she was gassing up the Vega for the four hour drive to the casino out on the reservation. Dunno about that sheep, Franklin. Watch your back.

marie in florida said...

LOL! looks like that should be Franklin's NOT I list.

Anonymous said...

I'm betting Dolores will be praying to the porcelain god later...pfff...

I cop to loving Alison Krauss's song, "Stay." Unabashedly romantic and sweet. Don't tell anyone.

My word verification is "sooapet." Which is what you're going to have to do if Dolores trashes your apartment before you get back. Take her for all she and the farm she came from are worth, buddy.

Oh, wait. She probably has a whole load of friends who passed the baa and will soo your pants off right back. Damn. Nevermind...

Jasmine said...

I love "Au fond du temple." How tender and beautiful is that piece.....

Rabbitch said...

Oh dog, I've never purchased anything from iTunes but I'm tempted to now, just to see what they come up with from my ridiculous play lists ...

As for Dolores? I'd watch her if I were you.

Anonymous said...

Amazon once suggested that, based on my recent purchases of the "Johnny Mnemonic" DVD, a Neil Gaiman book, and two Linux reference books, I would perhaps like to buy: a drill press.

I still haven't really figured out what they were trying to say with that...

Anonymous said...

Marquis de Fromage-Verte ! Haha

Debbi said...

I guess I'm in the minority here. I love iTunes' suggestions for me, and frequently find something I must have. They probably love me a lot! That said, most of the tunes I've purchased have been upbeat, dance-type songs that are good for working out. One hint, though: If you see something you think you might like, but think you'll get back to it later, write it down. It might not be there when you navigate back. Ask me how I know.

City Wiccan said...

I don't like that itunes store. Everything load as MP4s . . . which don't seem to translate to a non-ipod MP3 player. Very annoying! Being a composer I'm all for protecting copyrighted music but I find that a little ridiculous!

FiberQat said...

A broad like Dolores don't go to no steenkin' prayer meetin's when there's dollars to be won at the poker table. Check your wallet, my friend.


Anonymous said...

Oh I know. Amazon keeps telling me I would like to watch Million Dollar Baby, eeeuuw.

noricum said...

Perhaps Dolores has been messing with your iTunes?

CynCyn said...

i don't have time to sift through your many comments, but if you want REAL recommendations based on your music taste, check out pandora.com
i'm not affiliated in any way (except that I'm a fan and a user). I listen to it every night while I knit and rarely do they play a song that I don't like. they call themselves the music genome project.

Sneaksleep said...

My favorite is that they think, since you've been listening to Verdi, that you'll just love "My Humps." I am still giggling.

Knitroglycerin said...

My little Cherokee maiden, I love you sooooo, even though we're far apaaaart/ You know I'll never be trading my love for her for anybody else's heaaaaart/ One day I'll take a trip back to that Cherokee strip and I'll carry her away with meeeee and straight as the arrow flies we'll run to paradise my sweet little chickadee/ my little Cherokee maiden and me.
So I'm not the only loon out there whose brain keeps skipping on this song. Would you get it out of my brain now, please?
I think my grandmother is reincarnated and just stepped through your door. Her name is Betty, not Dolores. Tell her hi from me.

Claire M.

Anonymous said...

I have strains of Va Pensiero drifting through my head right now. I thank you, kind sir.

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