Monday, September 03, 2007

The Glamorous Life

Dear Franklin,

Hi it's Harry. I am writing from somewhere on the road, I am not sure where exactly but I think we are still in Illinois. We are all okay except Stan who got stepped on when we were in Marengo and Dolores had a wardrobe malfunction and it got kind of wild and somebody called the police and we spent part of the night in jail, and Stan got into a rumble with this guy named Fang and then they had to put us in a special cell all by ourselves except for this ball of acrylic worsted that was in on a charge of public lewdness.

Dolores said not to worry that all the big celebrities are having criminal records now like Paris Hilton and it's just a normal part of show business like having your breasts done or sleeping with Julia Roberts.

So far the show is a hit I think but we changed a few numbers like the Tribute to the Moulin Rouge because Victorine said the can can is not so impressive when sock yarn is doing it because we don't have any legs to kick with. While we are driving between gigs Victorine is teaching us the kind of French they speak in Canada and at first it made my throat hurt but now it's fun because I am getting so good at it I can insult filthy Anglos and they don't even know it.

I am doing very well as a performer and Dolores lets me do a solo between the first and second act and collect tips, when we played Gurnee I made $4.32. I am saving up to buy a new Kenneth Cole ball band.

Well I guess that is all for now I hope we come home soon because the food is pretty bad please say hi to Mrs Teitelbaum for me and all the neighbors. All the guys say hi and we hope you are not so lonely without us there Dolores says why don't you put down the damn knitting and try hanging out at the corner of Broadway and Roscoe in your chaps.

Your buddy,
Harry

PS Here is our tour poster please save it I want to put it in my scrapbook when we get home. I am sorry it kind of smells like a beer but so do we all right now.

Tour Poster 2007

52 comments:

Flossie said...

Hilarious! Any chance Dolores and her ball band are going transatlantic?

Leslie said...

The Sin Pit in Gummee?? Let's hope Harry has pool shoes...

Marcy said...

And when will we be able to buy the poster? (When she gets back, do you think Dolores would autograph - hoofograph? - it?)

Annabella said...

Oh Franklin, thank you! That was EXACTLY the pick-me-up I needed today. :)

Kristen said...

AWWW! Harry misses you! I love it! So, uh, is the show parent friendly? My parents still live in Peoria. Last I checked they're over 18. I think they should check out Dolores.

KellyD said...

OMG I wish I had known sooner. I would have requested off and made my way up there. Do you think she will tour again anytime soon? Is there a newsletter?

Meg said...

If I leave my cat at home, d'you think they'll allow my border collie at the show? He's had a crush on Dolores for the loooongest time.

La Cabeza Grande said...

*laughs*
*shakes head*
*desperately wants tour tee*

Puttermeister said...

I do so very much WANT this poster (she wrote after picking herself up off of the floor and drying her tears of laughter).

Knit Mongrel said...

Um, if you end up at Broadway and Roscoe in your chaps, please let me know. I'm come throw yarn at you and hoot and holler things out the window. Cause I'm supportive like that.

Adele said...

I agree with la cabeza - this *must* become a t-shirt.

twollin said...

oooo, does Delores sing "It's Only A Paper Moon" in the act? The poster makes me think so....what a hoot. Rhinebeck, NY will never be the same.

Janet said...

Could we please have a review of the supporting cast? (dare I add an off or an on)

Angela said...

I've heard tell of a club downstate--Ba-da Bling, Ba-da Loom--where I'm sure Dolores and Co. could book and open-ended run.

Mel said...

Fang, eh? Aren't you worried Phyllis Diller will come after you?

kmkat said...

I'd like reservations for two at the show in Kankakee, please. I'm sure my BIL and SIL would be confounded, er, pleased by the show. It is a musical, right? They like musicals.

Five Ferns Fibreholic said...

At least with Delores being on tour she's out of your hair...for a while.

Carina said...

Hee, hee, Kankakee! Is that just off of Olivet Nazarene's campus? *giggle* Toooo funny to this Naz grad.

Droelma said...

This cabeza agrees with the other cabeza.....a tour T-shirt, tour-poster or even a nice tour-satchel......would be great !
I usually don't wear this kind of stuff.....but would be proud to show off Dolores kicking high and of course translate for whoever is interested......

Angelika
Mexico City the " Knitting Diaspora "

Elizabeth said...

Hey, it plays in Peoria! How about that?

MonicaPDX said...

::unladylike snorking noises again:: I-- No. That's-- NO. I think-- Uh, no.

::more helpless snorking:: Ok, T, poster, whatever, YES PLEASE! Gawd. At this point if you offered Dolores-style rhinestone lens frames I'd probably mindlessly order 'em. (And if Dolores ever offers a pic of you hanging out in your chaps, I'd dip into the rent money for that!) (Pssst, Duffy; we gonna tell him about the Dolores discussion at the meet up today? [veg])

Steph said...

Sweet mother of yarn, that's hysterical. I especially like the run on sentences and the lack of punctuation because it makes you just know that little Harry is trying desperately to get the letter written before he has to go on stage and Dolores is yelling at him to hurry up, babycakes, we ain't got all night!

Bravo. I hope an East Coast Tour is in the works. Halifax, NS has some great venues and I know some people in the entertainment biz. I bet that we could billet out some of the balls of sock yarn to my knitting group. Dolores - call me, sweetie. We're used to performers at our house.

Linda said...

I can see it now: I RUSH to buy the Thousand Knitters photographic tour de force by one of my favorite people, and, ever avid, flip to the inside back cover to take in the author's photo, when, GASP, what to my wondering eye appears? Yes, that's YOU, all right, I'd know those glasses anywhere, but...your chaps aren't KNIT??????!!!!!

mamagotcha said...

Franklin, I think you are channelling Don Marquis (creater of Archy & Mehitabel, who you must read if you haven't yet). Well done and thanks!

Knitnik said...

OK - am I nuts for wanting the t-shirt? I would SO wear this in a heartbeat!

lizbon said...

Ohmigawd. I need that poster on a t-shirt, stat. Give Harry my love, and tell him that legs aren't everything. Some of us don't even have balls.

Anonymous said...

Please please please! T-shirts, posters, bags, pencil cases, cups, tea towels, anything!! Has Delores signed a recording contract yet? We do so need the album!

(Sorry. I don't mean to be anonymous but I am new and just peeking out of lurkdom.)

Tami

MX said...

I wanna be just like Delores when I grow up!

Anonymous, too said...

I heard a rumor Dolores might be playing a frat party in Champaign-Urbana soon. Or was that playing with a frat boy in Champaign-Urbana?

Anyway, hope Harry and the rest of the sock yarn make it home safely.

Anonymous said...

Dang, did I miss the Pomeranian Heritage Festival again?

Tour Swag PLEASE!

Resorta

Julie said...

I hate to sound like a sycophant, but I HAVE GOT TO HAVE THAT POSTER FOR MY OFFICE WALL. Can we get some? Pleeeeeeze?

katerina said...

I love it! What brilliance - my favorite part is the "ball band" I don't know why that cracks me up so much - but I looove it!

KarenJoSeattle said...

I heard through the rumor mill that Delores replaced the Moulin Rouge number with an excerpt from The Flying Dutchman in which she spins all the way across the stage followed by a dramatic interpretation of the infamous chrocheting scene from Thomas Mann's Buddenbrooks. Then for an encore she does an abridged version of the entire Ring Cycle.

Any chance the Ball Band will get as far west as Yakima or Walla Walla?

Mama Llama said...

*Mwah*

I needed this today. Thank you.

Liz said...

TEE-SHIRTTEE-SHIRTTEE-SHIRTTEE-SHIRTTEE-SHIRT

Pleadleedleeeese?

Anonymous said...

I LOVE it...the sketch! Especially Joliet and the state correctional institute. Tour Poster please!

Jack said...

That itinerary reminids me so much of the Veteran's Administration Hospitals and County Nursing Homes I played at a child entertainer in Illinois nearly 60 years ago. After awhile though, I prefered to limit myself to playing only the larger, more important venues such as the 1956 Centennial celebration in DeKalb. Dolores's life is such a tired old story.

Hester said...

I would like a poster of Delores' poster - as well as anything else available - since I am too Ample for most Tee shirts, I would like to get a coffee mug, a bag, a mouse pad - and so on.

Isn't there a great song about a woman named Delores? If there isn't there should be.

David said...

What Dolores doesn't realize is that he's still knitting the chaps.

Lisa said...

I hope Big Moe's Fleece Depot opens an outlet out here! Lord knows we have every other yuppie chain store....

Anonymous said...

Are you going to Rhinebeck??? Are you going to take Knitter pictures?

Another other mother said...

LOVE the poster. I bet Dolores and the ball's performance at the Joliet State Correctional Facility will be even more memorable than Jake and Ellwood's.

~Knitting Addict~ said...

::Giggle::

Sharon J said...

Ah (swoon) show biz! I knew I shoulda taken the Lanolettes on the road in the 80s.

Steve in CA said...

Harry, thank you for the FABULOUS update!!

Eldronius said...

I love Harry so much. :o

seizuresalad said...

Wow, Jack - sounds like a book I'd buy.

I'm hearing rumours that the Ball Band is going to be going on tour with the Skein Winders and some Deadhead band called Magic Loop...?

woolywoman said...

Oh, wonderful. I come home to find 13 skeins of Koigu, arranged by color intensity in a conga line. Those girls can move, even without legs. They've got the computer booted up and are writing a fan letter to Harry. I've seperated them from the rest of the DK, but the alpaca has started to wonder aloud about life outside the bin. I'm sleeping with the car keys under my pillow.

Kathy said...

god, Franklin. Too funny. Hope you're not hanging too much out in your chaps...

You've managed to have Nazarene college alumni reading your blog, being fans? That is SOME kind of achievement! Olivet is not a University I thought I'd ever hear of outside my grandmother's living room!

Anonymous said...

Here's hoping you might play Winona...I hear there are lots of bars under the bridges there...and college boys.

What is that about chaps? How in the world do you knit chaps? (he asks sheepishly!)

KnitNana said...

"T-Shirt! T-Shirt!"
(((hugs)))

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