There hasn't been a new entry for several days because the turn of the year always brings out the teenage poet in me. And I hate that. Nobody should ever visit this page only to be confronted by sentences like
And then I realized that Christmasses, to me, are like snowflakes–no two alike, but all equally beautiful.
I'm sorry you just read that. Be grateful you didn't see the rest.
Anyhow, the ball dropped in Times Square, and I'm back to normal. Or what passes for it around here.
If you blog, New Year's means you can do one of two things: write about your resolutions, or write about how you never do anything so jejune as make resolutions. You already know I'm jejune, so what have I got to lose?
Here we go.
Anyhow, the ball dropped in Times Square, and I'm back to normal. Or what passes for it around here.
If you blog, New Year's means you can do one of two things: write about your resolutions, or write about how you never do anything so jejune as make resolutions. You already know I'm jejune, so what have I got to lose?
Here we go.
- I will do my utmost to expand my earring wardrobe.
- I will polish my imitation of Etta James singing "Stormy Weather" to a high lustre.
- Ditto my Frank Sinatra singing "Come Fly With Me."
- Those stubborn mildew stains on the grout in the shower? History.
- More Vegetable Biryani.
- I will stop pretending I've never watched "Family Guy."
- When at work, no use of the phrase "Fuck off and die" before 10:30 a.m.
- I will lighten up on Lindsay Lohan. (Hilary Duff, Fergie, and Ryan Seacrest will remain dead to me.)
- Investigate career avenues in porn. You never know.
- Floss.
46 comments:
Good thing I got to the cartoon between bites of my lunch.
Oh I think I want to adopt all your resolutions, they are so much more interesting than mine (except, perhaps for the one about the grout)!
Happy New Year!
I'm with you on the flossing, and mine is to stop telling myself I deserve a treat at lunchtime.
"Bite Me" or, in military parlance that won't get you fired, "Bravo Mike" is appropriate for use before 10 a.m.
Keep up on the flossing.
We had the grout problem, too - before you scrub your manicure away, you should know it's probably underneath the grout, and it will have to be dug out and redone.
As for not saying "fuck off and die" before 10:30 at work... well, all I can say is that my theme for the year is "enough about you." My neighbor's is "into the wild."
I'm sticking with my usual resolution: to lower my expectations.
Oh, and to make my bed every day.
When at work, no use of the phrase "Fuck off and die" before 10:30 a.m.
that is exactly the reason I quit my job at the bank.
Oh..and the mildew? If it is silicon grout you will have to dig it out with a knife and replace it. Otherwise, bleach water and a stiff brush should do the trick.
Heh...I'm finding that ignoring that whole resolution thing altogether is working out pretty well for me so far.
My themes for the new year are "Decide" and "Practice."
Also, four-inch fuck-me pumps.
I didn't say I was going to change, dude. I just said I was going to decide and practice.
And these lessons are recommended by Phil & Sue????
I notice that you did not specify that the 10:30am had to be in the same time zone in which you currently reside. It's 10:30 somewhere, after all.
Scrubbing grout is overrated. Make Dolores do it. Especially if she's going to continue parading around the apartment in that "outfit".
As for Lindsay, UGH. Maybe we can forgive her just a little, but can we still continue to heap scorn on her mother?
Welcome back our wayward poet, you had been missed (now that I know, I feel kind of blessed you were gone...).
Forget about the grout, the mildew will be back before you clean up your supplies so don't waste your time. I am sure you can have one, if not two, additional dance lessons in the time it would take to properly clean the grout....
Why worry with the grout? Reason number x+1 to MOVE!!!! Didn't you ever see 'Grace Under Fire'? My resolution is to decide if i am going to re-embrace the old bitch in me or fully embrace the new domesticated me. . . they don't get on well with each other and there will soon be a fight to the death. i'm cheering for the bitch!
mmmmmmmm, vegetable biryani.
- The earrings you wore to Xmas Eve breakfast were certainly unlike any I'd ever seen in your photos. Assuming they were new, you're on your way.
- Porn might be an interesting career path, but I think it would severely underutilize your vocabulary.
- Flossing - always a good thing.
Happy New Year to you, Franklin, and thanks for the gift of your writing.
Lighten up on the cleaning issue - after all, do you want to be remembered for your very clean grout lines? I thot not.
I am not aware of anyone's health being threatened by groutus domesticus northamericana.
My trick is talking about the unusual and cutting-edge use of humor in "Family Guy." Discussing comedy with utter seriousness and with a lot of wild gesturing is a great way to get people to change the subject. Apparently.
You kill me - love the resolutions.
Good luck with the dance lessons!
Holly
I suggest medical hydrogen peroxide (yup, the type in the brown bottle -- NOT the undiluted stuff) and a scrubby sponge or brush for the grout. It does a great job of wiping out the mold itself, and then you can bleach the stains out later with a bleach solution.
Just, y'know, rinse well in between. And wear gloves, if possible. Peroxide is effective, but nasty on the hands. Even the medical variety.
You are hilarious. Happy 2007.
Sounds like a good list to me. The poetry sounds great, we'll just pretend it's one of your other personalities writing them. To you and Delores, a Happy New Year and Happy when it gets old year too!
Merry New Year, Dolores! Love the belly dancing outfit! (And a Gauge swatch of perfection for 2007 for you as well, Franlin!)
white paint works on grout
just say'n :P
You also made one of my resolutions easier..i shall indeed keep to my resolution of not saying 'fuck off' before noon.
However, i just might say 'fuck off and die' instead
beamingly
yours
Gauge... interesting concept. Might have to try it ... once I find the other needle, and wrestle the yarn from my inner cat. BTW, love your cartoons, remembered not to drink anything while reading your blog and...have you ever thought of moving to New Orleans?
my resolution
READ PANOPTICON DAILY.
happy new year!
About #4, have you tried the Mr. Clean Magic Sponge? That thing really works. Or, you could go all retro with Barkeeper's Friend.
I resolve to be more jejune, if at all possible.
I lived for 25 years in the mildew capital of the world. "Mold and Mildew Stain Remover" and a gas mask. Don't try to operate heavy equipment after use.
Belly Dancing...I fulfilled a strange 30 year long desire and went and took lessons. I now know "Hernia" much better than I wanted to.
"Kiss my Arse" is my phrase of choice for early morning encounters. I over used it at the last job, and the rumour went around that I had lips tatooed on my butt.
Barb B.
Belly dancing with a fluffy sheep... Poor Dolores! I'd definitely say have somebody else do the grout. When it's real grout, and black...time to move or redo the wall. Otherwise hold your breath, pour on the bleach (NFG for walls), and run outta there before the fumes kill your lungs. I'm rather fond of NFG, came from a couple of Calabrese at a swedish auto shop I worked in (no fuckin good). Resolutions? Nope. To do lists, yup, but these are SO flexible and I never care if things get crossed off because you can always write a new one, after all it's just a list.
RE: #7. Can you really hold off until 10:30?!
happy new year to you and dolores!
did you remember to pick up the sock yarn from mollywobbles and the two sock knitters?
hmmmmm, habit singing sinatra...that I gotta hear!
Clearly a 'hot-button' issue Franklin..your #4 has really brought the bleachers out of the groutwork.
i started my new year with four days off work, and i sewed five dresses for my pre-born Granddaughter , Vivi. i love her; she makes me smile.
ditto you, franklin, you make me smile and i love ya!
There is a time limit before you can say "Fuck Off and Die"? Oh Lord, who knew.
I can still throw the offender that look before 10:30 a.m., right?
haha. Too funny. I was cracking up reading this. Your resolutions should be everyones! It's nice not to see "lose weight" or "quit smoking". Family Guy and Fuck. There is no way anyone could give those up! I have #12 for you: Disregard #1-10. :D
And don't worry about the self-realization moments around new years. I have them too. This years is posted on the blog.
Here's another idea. Podcast. Imagine the listeners!!
Porn? I hope it includes me??
I am new to your blog, and let me say, that you had me with the donkey sweater, but anyone who uses the word 'jejune' in a post? Rapture!
Let's talk about #9. I don't know if you saw my audition photos in December chez mon blog.
Something for 2008?
You might try: http://www.abundantyarn.com/shopping/jewelry/
Tips for #2 & #3. Attend a Chicago Gay Men's Chorus concert. During the first half, peruse the performers and pick a few likely candidates for voice lessons. During intermission, make small talk with the prospective voice teachers. In the second half, narrow down your choice. Meet your selection at the end of the concert and ask if he would like to discuss voice techniques.
As a belly dancer, I think a sheep belly dancer might be dangerous that some major felting action might go on when it shimmies! Thanks for the laugh!
Erin B
I'd like to hear a little bit more about #9.
Holy cow, I thought I was the only one who'd made flossing a formal resolution. Not sure whether this is encouraging or discouraging, but I ultimately succeeded in becoming a daily flosser - after five years of resolving to do it. Hope it doesn't take you as long...
i like #9
Ah, you inspire me. That is a good list.
Güzel bir blog sayfası
Post a Comment