Thursday, January 11, 2007

Deux Ewes

Yes, I know. I promised a write-up of the charting software last week. I want to do it right, is all, and there simply hasn't been time. Every day this week has seen me leave the house at 5 am and not return until about 11 pm. Daddy is tired.

Victorine has also picked this highly inconvenient time to pay us a visit. She's doing wardrobe for a Canadian all-sheep opera company that's on tour with Massenet's Manon Gigot and Poulenc's La Voix Ewe-maine.

The rest of the crew is staying at the Allerton Hotel, but Victorine was asked to vacate her room after she and Dolores drank everything in the minibar, ripped the shirt off the bellhop who was sent to provide refills, and then attempted to do the same to the security guard who responded to the bellhop's desperate cries for help.

Dolores was unapologetic. "If they want to be left alone, they shouldn't wear those hot little uniforms," she said.

"Oui," grunted Victorine. "Les épaulettes, elles me font boum-boum à la coochie-coochie."

Victorine's presence is not helping little Harry, whose nerves were shot after a week of living with Mrs. Teitelbaum and her cat, Tinkles.

Games

Mrs. Teitelbaum sent him home with a special Memory Scrapbook she created to commemorate the visit, but we have to keep it hidden because every time Harry sees it he starts to fray. I've tried to keep him quiet and calm, but Victorine has taken to sneaking up behind him and screeching "MIAOU!" and I'm afraid the twitch in his left eye may become permanent.

If you were coming home after an eighteen-hour day to this, would you have time to do justice to a very cool piece of charting software? Yeah, I didn't think so.

So have a little pity and a little patience. Or Victorine may show up at your house next.

37 comments:

Cheryl :) said...

you have the patience of a saint -- and may I politely ask what you are on? -- I want some of it.

Wyrdsheep said...

Oh dear gods! I absolutely love your blog. The (mis)Adventures of Dolores need to be in a collection of some sort for her many adoring fans. Trust me on this.
And if you ever make it back down the Indianapolis area again, let me know. I know of this great little yarn shop! *evil grin*

Sarah said...

That title sounds like the beginning of a joke...deux ewes walk into a bar.....

ccr in MA said...

"...he starts to fray."

Love it!

Caroline said...

I'm with wyrdsheep on the Adventures of Dolores - and there are actually SEVERAL nice yarn shops in Indianapolis. I'm sure we'd be happy to drive you around to them and then feed you, that is, if you can get out on parole from prison. (hahaha!)

bookbookbookbookbookbookbookbookbook

Anonymous said...

Tell Victorine she's welcome here. I know some people who should be frayed.

junior_goddess

Rosi G. said...

Ah, but Victorine sounds like she's after mine own heart!

My kids are scared of roaches and anything creepy crawly. Sometimes when I see the back of their necks exposed as they sit at the table studiously doing homework, I can't help but take a bit of mohair and sorta swipe it across that spot back there that really makes one squirm slowly - as if something was crawling on them.

And then I fall on the floor laughing my ass off when they jump out of the chair screaming! HAHAHAHAHAHA

I forget who're the kids sometimes at my house...

trek said...

Did you ever say where Delores picked up Victorine in the first place?

Strange ewes...

sappmama said...

Really. You just made my day.

Anonymous said...

Mon dieu, Franklin, what is that university-cum-sweatshop doing that you're laboring 18 hours a day? Please remember to eat well and meditate a few minutes each day to keep your health (mental and physical)intact.

Stay well and keep your bedroom door locked at night - Victorine likes your epaulets you know... (My word verification has "izvxn" - they must know about Victorine and Dolores.)

Laustin said...

"MIAOU" instead of "meow." Someone was paying attention in French class, non? Right down to the correctly conjugated reflexive in the epaulette comment.

Anonymous said...

Not only are you charming and talented, you are the perfect host!

I love the Polaroids of a rather frazzled Harry + feline! Too much fun.

Bev in TN said...

Your blog is always a Treat! Methinks I will have to dig out my English/French dictionary...2 yars of French in junior high school was way too long ago.

Geogrrl said...

"Victorine has also picked this highly inconvenient time to pay us a visit. She's doing wardrobe for a Canadian all-sheep opera company that's on tour with Massenet's Manon Gigot and Poulenc's La Voix Ewe-maine."

That piece of wordplay was wonderful.

Ask Victorine what she does to get lanolin out of the costumes.

Anonymous said...

Darling, you just HAVE to start drinking, there is no way you'll get through this sober

Anonymous said...

Mon chou, we will gladly wait ..... we don't want you to fray too ....

Carson said...

franklin, you're insane...but in a good way ;)
the world needs more of your brand of insanity

Anonymous said...

You'd better hurry up with that charting software comparison because mine is almost done and it's going up this weekend. Just finished test driving Knit Foundry's Knit Visualizer. Astonishing program as opposed to Stitch Motif Maker and Cochenille's Stitch Painter.

Riin said...

Dude, when do you sleep?

Anonymous said...

There's also angora rabbit content in Dialogues of the Carmelites by Poulenc.

Blanche de la Force and her brother sing about whether or not she wants to be his "leetil bunny rah-beet."

But maybe the line from Acis and Galatea is more apt:

"Shepherd, what art thou pursuing?
Heedless running to thy ruin."

Vanessa said...

*giggle*, *snort*, *wipes monitor*. Franklin, thank you so much... you are becoming the high point of my day. Also your "The New Yoga" design on my bag has gotten several great comments.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you should take pity on the poor little ball (of yarn). I think Harry needs to be knitted into some socks which can reside safely on your feet. I don't mean to be unkind - but wasn't that why he came to live at your house in the first place?

CatBookMom said...

Just BTW, what are the other 49 skeins of sock yarn up to these days? Are they still in that revue? Victorine is a bad influence on Dolores; you know this!

sahara said...

Franklin! 18 hours a day? I thought it was just us New Yawkers who worked too damn hard. And your house sounds crowded. There is a budget gem of a hotel on Miracle Mile that we wrote about at T:Style; it has a room with photographic wall paper depicting (uh oh), cable stitches. It's better than a padded cell, though.

Happy New Year to you sweetie! Oh, and tell Delores I saw her ex-man "Rambo" when I was in Golburn, New South Wales at The Big Merino Tourist Shop.

Ta ta, from Sydney, where the men are fierce!

Marcy said...

I think Dolores and Victorine should go pay a nice long visit to Mrs. Teitelbaum and Twinkles. Wouldn't that be fun!

kmkat said...

Okay, you just set a record. I laughed until tears streamed down my face, not once, not twice, but thrice. In one post. Pure genius.

Really, you are too good to us.

Anonymous said...

I agree with wyrdsheep and caroline that the Dolores chronicles would make an excellent book. Have you seen Yarnival? Your blog entries would be perfect for the Feb 2007 issue: http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_417.html

Josa Craft said...

ROFLMAO....oh, sweetie...you make my day!

Anonymous said...

What fun Harry had! Does he look a little lighter-weight to you now that he's back from his refreshing afternoon jogs? Wanted to let you know a friend and I were looking through knitting stuff on cafepress and I saw your designs :D

Carol said...

Tell Victorine she would HATE it here! Poor Harry...

Wetexit said...

oh my Gawd! the look of sheer terror on poor Harry's face..

Franklin, you made my day. Thank you!

Sarah said...

We can be patient. We know that you will take the time you need to do it well. I can hardly imagine the combined stress of long hours at work and a houseguest. Take care!

Anonymous said...

You kill me, Franklin. No one makes me laugh like you and the Harlot. Thanks! ~kaz

KellyD said...

I really need to start putting on an Attends and having tissue on hand before I read your blog darling. Everytime I read it, I end up laughing hard enough to pee in my panties and until tears roll down my face! ACK...
And if anyone is keeping count? I vote HELL YEAH toward the book. (yep I'm from the South, y'all)

Anonymous said...

Queerjoe....Why is it that Queer Joe has become the king gay knitter/blogger ( I hate that sheepish look on his face in his profile)...It seems to me that you are far more cosmopolitan and acctractive than boring old Joe...HMMMMM

LornaJay said...

Send Victorine! There's an old saying about the borders, where men are men, and sheep are nervous ;-)

David said...

Uh huh.