Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Dispatch from Knit-In Headquarters

"Dolores," I said. "Dolores, I need to talk to you right now."

She was sitting on the living room floor, cutting out Nina Simone and Ethel Waters paper dolls with Harry the Ball of Sock Yarn.

"Is this something to do with the Knit-In?"

"Yes,"

"Well then hang on, I need to change clothes."

"What?"

"Just a sec," she said, disappearing into the bedroom.

A few minutes later, she returned.

Committee

"Are you sure you're ready now?"

"Quite."

"Okay, then. Can you explain to me why someone calling himself 'Genghis' has left me a message confirming a booking for 'The Mongol Horde' on November 4?"

"Oh," said Dolores. "Yes. Well, see, I was at Currently Unfashionable Ethnicities Night at the Lucky Horseshoe,* and after Genghis was done performing we got to chatting about about his group and how perfect they would be for a party to benefit Mongolia."

"Strippers. Mongolian strippers."

She coughed. "I believe they prefer the term 'body revelation artist'."

"Dolores," I said, "We're trying to clothe Mongolia, not get it naked."

"Did you leave your sense of irony out in the rain again?"

"We cannot have strippers at the Knit-In."

"What if they came in wearing half-made sweaters and we just sort of...frogged them."

"No."

"Hey," said Harry, "Does this mean I can tell the guys to stop knitting the thongs?"

"No," sniffed Dolores. "There's always my birthday party."

Other Knit-In Details: Kids, Animals, and Tobacco

There have been some questions put to me about what's ok and what's not at the Knit-In. Although those who inquired have been answered privately, I thought it might be a good idea to post the information here as well.

The John Evans Alumni Center is a non-smoking facility. Use of tobacco products is prohibited in the building.

A lady wrote to me to ask whether it would be okay to bring children to the Knit-In. Here's my answer: you must be honest with yourself and use your best judgment.

The house where we will meet is a grown-up space, owned by my employer. I am responsible for it while the event is going on. It's over 100 years old, furnished with antiques and oriental carpets. There are no child-proofed rooms and we can't provide childcare services, either formal or informal.

If your child is comfortable in such an atmosphere and won't continuously disturb the other knitters, your child is welcome. If your child is, shall we say, high-spirited, this may not be the most congenial setting for him or her. You know (or should know) your own child well enough to make the decision for yourself. My chief concern as host must be the comfort of all guests, whatever their ages.

Another lady wrote to tell me her cat would really like to come with her. On this issue, I must state firmly that only service animals are permitted in university buildings. No exceptions. (Dolores counts as a service animal. Just ask Genghis.)

Now. Enough with the freaking rules and regulations and prohibitions. Very soon I will be posting about what will be happening at the Knit-In and my dears, it's going to be lovely. We're up to nearly sixty people on the list. Don't forget to ask for an invite if you haven't already.

*For those of you just tuning in, the "Shoe" is a venerable Boystown night spot to which Dolores repairs to watch dancing when there's nothing going on at the Joffrey Ballet.

42 comments:

Mel said...

Ah well, I suppose I can't be too disappointed in missing The Mongol Horde, what with not being able to make it to the knit-in anyway. One does wonder, though, at what sort of props/costuming they might use.

I'd forgotten about that thong pattern. Gives me all sorts of ideas for winter holiday knitting.

Cindy said...

You, sir, have the patience of a saint (re: the clueless).

Hope the knit-in is an enormous success.

mlj1954 said...

Gosh I wish I could come, but alas, besides the distance, I have a class (actually two) . . . and I wouldn't even bring my darling Zachariah (who, even though he is only 5, practically bursts into song when entering our most favorite LYS . . . "I just love this place!").

But dancing Mongolians would have made me give up the classes and cheerfully traverse the distance!

I hope Dolores recovers from her disappointment prior to the knit-in.

erin/pinkerbell said...

No strippers?! Well, I guess I'll come anyway. Is there a sign up list of some sort for what to bring?

Kim said...

Did you see the Joffrey this weekend? I so want to see Cinderella and just can't make it. even had the perfect darkened room knitting for the performance.

Joe said...

I am hoping you made up the fact that someone wanted to bring a cat to a knit-in. Please tell me this was just your way of pre-warning anyone with such a ridiculous idea.

Please!

diane said...

"Dolores counts as a service animal. Just ask Genghis." Good thing I swallowed (my soda) before reading that sentence!

Flossie said...

'Dolores counts as a service animal. Just ask Genghis.'

My how I wish I was living in Chicago rather than London. It's a bit too far for me to travel for the Knit-In. And I can't afford the flights right now.

Have fun though, I look forward to reading all about it. Oh and you've inspired me to knit for Dulaan this Winter.

Mia said...

The chance of getting to frog mongolian strippers almost made me buy a ticket to Chicago. Tell Dolores that I love her!

Jennifer in Oak Park said...

Erin/Pinkerbell open the e-vite again and on the left hand side there is an option to View Guest Responses - there is a sign up for food items there and some of us included offers to assist with set-up, etc. in our responses. You can modify your response - look on the right side of the e-vite for that option.

I do love Delores and the "boys". Thanks Franklin.

Natalia said...

I can normally control my laughter when reading funny things, but this: "What if they came in wearing half-made sweaters and we just sort of...frogged them." was too much! I guess we'll have to save that for a different knitting party.

MonicaPDX said...

I'm with Mia re frogging Mongolian strippers! Only I'd have to hitchhike, due to budget considerations, which really - I don't think it's a possibility. Alas. I tried envisioning myself standing forlornly on the shoulder of I-84 eastbound in the Columbia Gorge, knitting in hand, with a sign saying, "Will Knit For Transport." Um - no. Something about that just makes me a tad nervous. (Although maybe it'd work if I started out at the Jubitz Truck Stop. All those truckers in one spot...hmm...)

And "We're trying to clothe Mongolia, not get it naked." - definitely a contender for quote of the year! ::chortling madly::

Sean said...

LOL...body revelation artists—terrific. You're amazing.

Count on me to help you organize, set up, clean up...what ever you need. Can't wait for the happenings.

Ann said...

Almost made me want to go to Chicago just to bring my service dog. For dancing Mongolians I might even have booked a train ticket.

Anne said...

Frog them... service animal... I think I just broke something laughing!

Rachel H said...

You know, if you glance at the title of this post too quickly when opening it in Bloglines it looks like 'A Dispatch from Knit-In Hindquarters'. Especially since the first line is about Dolores.

Or maybe that's just me...

Aarlene said...

It seems to me that the people with the monster children are never honest with themselves.
You, sir, are so diplomatic.

Carson said...

Tee hee!
Like Flossie in London, I too wish I was in Chicago long enough for the Knit-In.
Guess I'll just have to experience it vicariously.
Carson (in Australia).

FiberQat said...

If it weren't for the storm blasting your way, I'd pick up MonicaPDX and drive us both to watch the frogged Mongolians. I'd leave my cats behind though.

The Purloined Letter said...

Ooooh, I NEED a Nina Simone paper doll!

kmkat said...

"...cutting out Nina Simone and Ethel Waters paper dolls with Harry the Ball of Sock Yarn." And then, unbelievably, the post just kept getting better.

denny Mcmillan said...

what ever did you do before you took up knitting?

denny Mcmillan said...

Yo Rachel H it's been a few days

Nanna said...

I guess this means I have to leave my stampeding horde of bulls at home. I love my furkid, but I'm selfish enough to have her to myself & leave her at home, & not share her with the greater community.

MonicaPDX said...

FiberQat - thanks re the driving comment; I was giggling again. [g] Franklin is not only a gentleman, he's read by gentlefolk, whether being tongue-in-cheek or serious. But boy, if we could get there... and, like, grab rabbitch, and any other left coasters I've forgotten? We'd need a bus. Sounds like Green Tortoise time.

You know, Franklin, you might find yourself sheepnapped some day and end up on a visit out here. Just sayin'. Pack layers. Heck, for a visit by you, I'd take extra Xanax for the agoraphobia and *force* myself out the door. Steph was way worth it, you'd be too!

marie in florida said...

dear Santa

what i want for christmas is a Delores Doll

i promise to be a good girl and not add endlessly to my stash and not to begin too many more UFO and not to leave sharp point DPN all over the place
if you give me the Delores Doll, i will make her a whole wardrobe of wooly clothes and blankets and let her sleep on my bed

junior_goddess said...

Oh, paper dolls of Nina Simone??? Please tell Dolores she needs to come here and spice up MY town!

Congratulations on organizing what looks to be a great gathering!

David said...

I tend to leave the cats at home for most of my social engagements.

Most.

Jax said...

The best part of the cat inquiry is that the woman believes "her cat would really like to come with her." And precisely how does one determine a cat's desire to attend social engagements?

Lucia said...

Genghis is going to be there? My Genghis? (Chill, Dolores, I'm using the term loosely, so to speak.) I am even sadder not to be joining you.

d2 said...

'We'd need a bus. Sounds like Green Tortoise time.'

ROAD TRIP!!! What would it be like, to hire a tour bus to start at point x, to arrive at point Dolores/Franklin? We could plan for the bus to pick up knitters along the way to Franklin's house. It could be planned so that the bus would stop in certain cities known for the quality of a LYS. Or two, or three. Hmm. Maybe 2 buses. One for the people, and one for the stash purchased along the way. I can just see it now--the Magical Frogging Tour Bus. I wonder if we could arrange to have dancing boys as part of the on road entertainment?
wrnk
d2

Buzz said...

Hey, I just checked the list and both my iPod cozy and my flip-top mittens have been bumped! I hate to seem ungratful, but I *did* take all that icky green yarn off your hands (perfect for tieing up boxes, thanks!) AND bailed *D* out of jail while you were out of town...and you can tell her for me she STILL owes me $250

XOXOXOX
Buzzwinkle

Anonymous said...

Thanks for leading me to the site! I can't wait to try some more projects, and read the updates! I'm going to double check my work schedule before I sign up for the Dulaan project on the 4th. I'll let you know soon, though!

violetsrose said...

"What if they came in wearing half-made sweaters and we just sort of...frogged them."

This made me laugh out loud at work and then I couldn't share it with anyone as they are all philistines (i.e. non-knitters)

I am now going to use this term for everything rude I can possibly think of (and thats a lot!!)

angie cox said...

Take a huge roll of duct-tape ..I always found at The Meeting House at least one child who needed taping to the ceiling.As for a cat ..speechless.If the mother objects to taping up her little poppet pop some tranq. in it's drink..sure Dolores knows a non-prescription source of it.

Anonymous said...

While Zoe the Borderline Collie is a rather serviceable dog, she has not indicated "her desire to attend." I do plan some Dulaan-ing, great way to makea dent in the 2 dozen skeins remaining from my sheep farming life. (There's also a group which sends wool only garments to children in Russian orphanages.)

Nina Simone--a voice to knit by...

Jude in obscureknitty

Diane said...

Very brave of you to leave it up to each individual to decide if their child is well behaved. I can tell you from experience that "demon seed" children always have parents who refer to them as high spirited, creative individuals, or just ignore the fact that their child is misbehaving.

"Excuse me but your son is trying to paint my daughter orange." "Oh Timmy is just so creative."

"Sorry but if that your daughter knocking all the cereal off the shelf?" No answer because dad is on the cellphone talking to some saying, "Yes I know I'm a good dad for taking Audrey to the grocery store to give my wife a break."

You should consider admitting only infants in strollers and children who actually knit.

Bev in TN said...

To Delores c/o Franklin:

Hey girl, are you going to Rhinebeck? Although I've seen your poster for Rhinebeck Bingo, I don't think you actually said you would be there. What are your thoughts about fleece and fiber festivals? Do you enjoy visiting your relatives, or are you disgusted by the fleece whores? Anywho, I can't go so I am hoping that you will attend and take lots of photos,or I suppose Franklin could take them...he is after all a photographer. In any event I am counting on you for a vicarious visit via photos after the fact. Don't let me down!

Your dear friend,
Beverly

MonicaPDX said...

"I can just see it now--the Magical Frogging Tour Bus."

d2 - I think you just volunteered to wrangle an expedition. I'll be the fat lady with lots of Xanax; a half-completed first sock; and another 7 skeins of Fearless Fibers sock yarn stashed in her gigantic green down coat that could double as a sleeping bag in emergencies. Just don't mistake me for another bus, 'kay? Oh, and can we save some room on the stash bus for beer? (Psst. Franklin? Run.)

Kate said...

There must be something wrong with my momma gene because I would never think to bring children to a Mongolian Knit-In (with or without strippers), let alone ask the organizer if I could! I'd want to come to be with the knitters and not be constantly watchful lest my child do something to embarass himself!

(Of course, my children are now teenagers and can be embarassing just by leaving the house! :))

mad angel said...

I'm with Kate. Must be something wrong with my Momma gene, too, 'cause I am utterly selfish about going to knitting/spinning gatherings ALONE. The only time I was not completely selfish about it was when I was nursing. Never had any luck pumping, so had to bring the live pump, which thankfully slept in her car seat bucket on the floor in between glutting sessions. I actually got some spinning done on those occasions, and the baby never cried. Now ten and an avid spinner, she has to promise that she will spin or do some other crafty activity and not be a pest, or she stays home with Dad, who will put her to work on cleaning her room or doing laundry. I wish I did not live so far away from Chicago, because I would really enjoy attending this Knit-In! Franklin, I will check out the Dulaan website, though. Sounds like a very worthy cause. I suppose I shouldn't begin to think of asking if anyone over there would trade a Yurt for knitted clothing? (I must admit, I LOVE Yurts and have fantasies about building one for my sudio someday...) Hope the knit-in is a fabulous success -- but how could it not be? As for cats -- ye gods and goddesses, doesn't this person realize that some folks are violently allergic to cats? (I am. If one came anywhere near me, I'd be an asthmatic mess in about five minutes and would have to go home!)

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