Wednesday, October 26, 2005

A Guide for New Arrivals in Boystown

Specifically, the growing numbers of yuppie families who are moving into Boystown from Lincoln Park or the suburbs.

More specifically, the mother who picked up her five-year-old daughter and carried her to the other side of the street when she saw me coming.

What You Thought You Saw



What You Actually Saw



If you move to the city with your children in order to expose them to the full range of human experience, do please remember the full range of human experience encompasses a broader spectrum than that found in an episode of "Friends."

And if you can't handle the likes of me, honey, just wait until Halloween.

47 comments:

Sharon said...

Ain't it the truth! (And I sing the Lonely Goatherd song often - and get odd looks from the husband.)

Jean said...

Oh, Franklin, what can I say? (I'm still working on your contest question from yesterday -- no ideas yet, but just you wait.) If there is a cleverer, funnier, wittier blog ANYWHERE I haven't seen it. All this, and knitting too!

Blessings, Jean

JessRedRose said...

Can in-progress lace knitting be used as a weapon? I imagine the only damage would be a really weird pattern left on the skin.

This made me laugh and laugh but it's really kind of sad - how people make jugdments based on so little information.

Anne said...

Oh Franklin, if you didn't exist, we would have to invent you.... Thanks for bringing a smile to my face.

Cheryl said...

I cannot even imagine that. But I live in "white bread" America here in this little Western PA town.

June said...

You remind me of a story - I went to the Univ. of Chicago for my undergrad (early 90's), and one evening, I was on the, um, farther South Side (somewhere around 70th or 80th Street?). [Interviewing for a tutoring job that I never got. But anyway...] It was dark and cold out, and I was waiting for a bus to take me back to Hyde Park. About a dozen thuggy looking teen boys had accumulated on the corner (the bus was a long time coming), and they were muttering and looking at me. I got paranoid (I'd already been mugged once) and crossed the street. After more muttering, one turned to me and shouted, "Yo, we just BLACK! You don't need to be scared 'o us!"

To this day, that memory makes me cringe.

Lisa said...

This blog just kills me sometimes!! More cartoons!!

Spinster said...

OMG. This is my first visit to your blog, but definitely not my last. Freakin' hilarious.

Rachel H said...

Too funny! The Zephyr yarn I ordered via snail mail on Monday arrived at my door this afternoon - Canada Post displaying an unheard of speed which TOTALLY freaked me out- so I have no excuse now not to join the ranks of lace knitters.

sep said...

ah yes, my fondest memory of urban living was trying to walk two big-ish dogs (Collie and Siberian Husky) down the street. nannies would see this big, fat lady grasping tightly to the leashes of what in her mind must have looked like slathering beasts. she picks up the master's darlings and scurries across the street. I took to yelling "They're not Bengal TIGERS, you idiot!" quite regularly. It felt kinda good :)

doloreshaze said...

Franklin-I can completely empathize. The wife and I live in Hell's Kitchen, which has lately become overrun with beefy midwestern types who elbow each other and point when we walk by. I imagine that we are actually their "weird New York experience". "We saw actual LESBIANS walking right down the street! We tried to take a pitcher but they was too fast n' wily".

Buzz said...

When i head downtown in chicago in my jeans, boots and black leather jacket, shaved head, goatee, I get the same thing...and actualy, I have to say, I enjoy it. The look is comfortable for me, and it keeps the riff-raff away. I like to think of it as Urban Armor.

The fact that I graduated from The College-Conservatory of Music, my mom is a minister and I'm a soft touch for dogs and kids all remains hidden inside...which is exactly the way I like it :) Judge not, leist ye be judged...

Kristin said...

I almost spit my drink onto my keyboard when I read this post. Thanks for the very good laugh you just gave me!

Jon said...

Are you saying the blue doesn't go well with your skin tone?!?

I can't believe you would actually listen to The Sound of Music. {shudder}

You need some nice Linda Eder to listen to, deary.

Jennie said...

Hysterical. Outstanding.

And what's with both you and gofugyourself referencing The Lonely Goatherd today?

Marie said...

This blog is the greatest, you are so funny. It is a good thing you got out of Uniontown when you did. I think you are in a much better place now. As for me I am stuck just west of Uniontown in Waynesburg. Keep the cartoons coming.

Anonymous said...

I'm kinda in agreement with Jon on the Julie Andrews (ick) maybe some nice Andrea Bocelli? Then you could sing to it too and truly freak the twit out!

Oooohh, even better, try walking and using the drop spindle, she'll probably faint!

AnnaMarie

Lee Ann said...

Yodelayhee yodelayhee yodelayheewho.

Thanks. Now when I lie awake at night staring at the ceiling panicking about how much I have to accomplish in the next day, I can do it with a soundtrack.

Is this payback for the spindle thing, or what?

I have a pierced ear and a biker jacket. Quite possibly the smallest biker jacket you will ever see. In fact, rather than make me look tough, it makes people laugh that "they come that small? buahahahaha..."

Sigh. Can't be tough for tryin'...

Jan aka Warrior Knitter said...

LOL!!

I noticed the lonely goatherd thing, too & another blog I read this evening referenced Julie Andrews.

"The hills are alive!"

knit chick said...

Franklin, I've met you in person & the last thing I would do is shield a small child from being exposed to you.

LOL. Thanks for the chuckle. Your cartoons always crack me up.

CynCyn said...

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who rocks out to the von Trapp family. I had 2 days in Salzburg. I spent one of them on the official Sound of Music tour. And loved every minute.
Don't forget she might've thought you were a terrorist. I mean, we really have to watch out for those swarthy looking men. You know they're all terrorists... (eye roll)

Christopher said...

Once I was picking my niece up from a school softball game with the Lonely Goatherd blaring from the cd player.Her cousin and sister were with me. We thought it fun to have her get into the car blasting campy broadway with a crowd looking on. I say Broadway because it was Mary Martin and not Julie Andrews- I'm sure Jon is still shuddering regardless!

Felicia said...

FRANKLIN! Come clean the soda off of my work monitor!!!

Your cartoons are precious! As it your wit.

BTW, I've told a few coworkers who routinely see me reading your blog that I'm having your Love Child.

Rabbitch said...

*cackle*

I can't wait until my daughter starts explaining "Uncle Stuart and His Boyfriend" to her kindergarten class.

I'm sort of hoping she doesn't get expelled. (And sort of hoping they try).

I'm awfully sorry this happened to you, though.

Marilyn said...

You? Scary? I'd happily let you watch my children any time.

Of course, they're in their 30s.

What's with the Julie Andrews? I can't imagine that you'd listen to Bocelli. Bubbles, maybe, but not Bocelli.

Colleen said...

That woman should move to MY hometown in Kansas where we have this tall Asian drag queen who would make Bobby Trendy blush. And then there's the "That's My Dillons." Or the big huge mountain main who dresses in combat boots and frilly flowered Amish dresses.

We're much safer in Kansas.

Colleen said...

I mean to say "and then there's the 'That's my Dillon's' guy who walks around with the dripping grocery sack" but it didn't come out right. Sorry.

Nicholas said...

I used to get a different reaction from people. I had hot pink and spring green hair, eight earrings in each ear, wore a black leather corset with big punk boots and facial hair and for some reason tourists constantly wanted their picture taken with me near some Seattle landmark. I think I was their "hardcore" points for the trip or something.

Ween said...

June reading your post made me recall a similar moment of shame from my past.

While my husband was in college I took a second job to help pay for school as a server. Well this one night the restaurant which was small, was packed. One of my tables was a single gentleman, probably in his mid 40's, wearing a wife beater tank top, sporting a shaved head, goatee, and some bad ass biker boots. Well he got up from the table at some point and I didn't see get up. He had been gone for what seemed like a very long time and I asked the male server go check the bathroom because I just knew that he had skipped on the check and I was pissed because I was going to have to pay for his dinner. Well the server never made it back to the restroom which was fine because he came and sat back down, politely asked for his check, paid and left. I felt like the biggest ass in the world when I saw that he had left me a $50 tip on an $11 check. UGG, I need to go do a good deed today ... I feel I still owe the karma gods for that one!

Franklin your blog just keeps getting better and better! Thanks for the laughs!!

Gina

goblinbox said...

Holy cow, you're killing me. Clearly mom's never seen any actual scary people.

Anonymous said...

your names franklin

and you live in boystown?

oh the irony

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