Friday, April 01, 2005

100 Things About Me, Finale

76. I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies even once. I hear they're swell.

77. I owned two Star Wars action figures, both of which were presents from people who obviously didn’t know me very well. I traded C3PO to a friend of mine for a Paddington Bear book, and I think just threw Yoda away.

78. I agree with Mr. Sondheim that the only two things worth leaving behind you when you die are children and art. However, if I’m your beneficiary, I’d rather have your Rembrandt etchings than your kids.

79. I hate Monet’s paintings. I really do. I consider him the easy listening or iceberg lettuce of the art world. Except I sort of like iceberg lettuce. (Please don't write to me about this one. I have studied art history since my pre-teen years and majored in it in college. I've seen it all and read all the rhapsodies. I am not going to change my mind. If you like the fucking haystacks, great, just don't bother me about it.)

80. Two books I feel every home should have on hand: The Joy of Cooking (the old one by Mrs. Rombauer and her descendants, not the pretentious new impostor published under the same title) and a good guide to general etiquette (Emily Post is still your best bet, though Miss Manners beats all as fun to read and up-to-date).

81. Fictional characters I used to pretend to be as a child: Encyclopedia Brown, Bilbo Baggins, Evinrude the Dragonfly from The Rescuers, Willy Wonka, the boy kid from Return to Witch Mountain.

82. Non-fictional characters I used to pretend to be as a child: St. Dominic Savio, St. Francis of Assisi, Mozart, and Queen Victoria’s Highland servant, John Brown.

83. Often, as a child, I played alone. (Go figure.)

84. Three things I feel are overrated: Moe, Larry, and Curly.

85. I have always loved Roald Dahl’s books because I think they give a pretty true picture of the way most adults (especially teachers) react to any little kid who demonstrates creativity, ambition or unusual intelligence. (They will lie, cheat, and bully in order to make said kid conform to the norm.)

86. Out of all the teachers I had in primary, middle, and high school, there are four I think I actually learned something from, two I wish I were still in touch with, and one I have reason to think of every single day.

87. I like seeing the inner workings of things. Given the choice to see (for example) Avenue Q from the front row or the wings, I’d pick the wings. Especially if they let me take pictures.

88. I have a problem with heights from time to time. Once when I was pressed into emergency service to run a follow spot from a narrow catwalk 50 feet above the theater auditorium, I had such a terrible panic attack it took me half an hour to retreat the 15 feet back to the entrance to the catwalk.

89. Milk is still my favorite drink. As a kid, I’d go through a half-gallon a day if Mom didn’t put the breaks on me.

90. I regret that I never wrote to Charles M. Schulz to tell him how much Peanuts meant to me.

91. I wish I knew how to sew.

92. I think the Victorian ideal on continual self-improvement was a good idea and needs to be revived. There are so many people I know whose self-esteem should be far lower than it is.

93. Names for daughters I will never have: Rose, Olivia, Cordelia, Alice, Alexandra.

94. I don’t know about names for sons, because I can’t possibly imagine how I could bring up a son. I would probably call him Eustace or Galahad and he’d wind up getting murdered on the playground.

95. I really didn’t want to be a romantic any more after my relationship with Mr. Ex ended, but I’ve discovered that’s a part of me I can’t change.

96. If I am on the phone with you, please don’t interrupt me to tell me what your cat is doing. I don’t care what your cat is doing. (Note: Nobody ever cares what your cat is doing.)

97. Things I use all the time even though I hate them: cell phones and computers.

98. I’m starting to think I won’t live my whole life in the United States. I am a patriot. I love my country dearly and fiercely. But sometimes I earnestly wonder if the things I love about it are all going to disappear even if I (and many others) try to fight it.

99. I would like to try riding a bull just once before I die. Just not immediately before I die, if you see what I mean.

100. If when I die I go to heaven, I hope I get a chance to meet my paternal grandfather, who died before I was born; Queen Victoria, just because; Eleanor Roosevelt, so I can shake her hand. And then I’m going shopping with Aunt Eva.


Rachel said...

As a child, I read and reread and read again just about every Roald Dahl book I could get my hands on. At the time, I don't know if I could have told you exactly why so many of his books were on my list of favorites. But when I got older, I realized that what I appreciated most about him was his willingness to admit to the darker side of life and especially of childhood. And the admission of the cruelty and resentment with which so many adults -- especially the adults who were supposed to be taking care of us and yet so clearly weren't -- approach children. It seemed a far more realistic version of life than anything else I was force fed as a child. And yet it wasn't all darkness and misery either. There was power and magic and hope, self determination and a rich fantastical adventure of a life. He was just brilliant, and I guess that about sums it up.

MarQ1 said...

Sorry, I'm not commenting on the post, but the new photo is very nice.

MarQ1 said...

Commenting on the post this time, Cordelia's going to have a tough time on the playground too.

Jon said...

Well, I hope when you meet Queen Vic that you slap her. I would rather meet Queen Bess...

I love Roald Dahl and I loved Star Wars as a kid.

Franklin said...

Actually, I've thought about what meeting Queen Bess (the first one) would be like, and I'm rather afraid she'd slap ME (temper, temper).

Glad you guys like the new photo. I figured it was time to put on something lighter since the weather's changing.

And don't worry, little Cordelia packs heat and can kick anyone's ass.

markknitz said...

awesome post and picture. i also wish i could sew, but am glad i can knit. i used to pretend i was aquaman or prince namor the submariner and still do. i may as well be straight! have heard that the new charlie and the chocolate factory (with my soon to be husband johnny depp) is supposed to be truer to the book w/ was my favorite as a kid. let face it, the original is a bore until they get to the factory "cheer up, charlie" yuch!

Sister Sue said...

I think Yoda lived in the dollhouse for a while.

Felicia said...

1. And just why won't you have a daughter???
2. Your new pic is indeed nice.
3. Again, why won't you have a daughter?
4. Learning to sew isn't terribly difficult. There are plenty of basic sewing classes out there, most are worthwhile. Like knitting, you learn far more from making mistakes than anything else! Sewing is indeed fun, and I fell madly in love with machine quilting a few years ago. I'd sew more if I wasn't in the middle of this rapture with knitting!

Holly @Home said...

You'd make a fantastic father I'm pretty sure Franklin.I so agree about Roald Dahl books.You could learn to sew it is easy .We have always said to Mum if she had a son he'd be doing his embroidery and knitting and if I got bullied at school he'd have died for sure .To say nothing of wearing polished brown leather lace-ups,a fair-isle and cord shorts .......she likes to think the baby she lost was a boy and he was therefore better-off.It's great fun reading about you and there is a little touch of sadness Mum wears like a cloak..she too is surprised she's made it each year and I think a little sorry too. Hols.

moiraeknits said...

I had the biggest crush on Encyclopedia Brown when I was a kid. Good times, good times. And since one of my goals for the year is to learn how to cook at least a little bit, I'll have to see if I can't find the old Joy of Cooking in a used book store. Oh, the horror of having to browse through books. I am overcome. ::back of wrist to brow with a theatrical swoon...a 8.2 from the judges!::

Maura said...

I totally get the Monet thing. I took Late 19th Century art history in college, because I liked Monet and the Pre-Raphaelites. I ended up loving Gustave Corbet. Go figure...

We happen to have 2 coppies of the Joy of Cooking in our house. The original which my hubby owned before we got married, and the new one which we got as a wedding present. 9/10 we only use the old one.

rhea_sun said...


I completely agree, I've just never been able to admit it out loud to all the those art profs fawning over those myopic gardens...

Roald Dahl "rocks", EB too

Jean said...

I'm going to do what you told me not to do...

When I stand in St Andrew's Square and look back, across the Firth of Forth to, that won't do: across the water, what I see is different every day. Sometimes -- today -- I can almost see people walking about over there. Sometimes, there is no sign of Fife at all. There are many degrees in between. And I often think, as I look, of those haystacks and cathedrals. I'm not saying they're any good, just that the way a thing changes in different lights is really interesting.

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Yarn Dependent Me said...

I think the haystacks, in all their hideous glory, are really just his way of depicting lopsided boobs. If you think of them in a tribal sense, they are less uncomfortable, and more amusing.

Hairy, hairy, hay covered, lopsided, breasticles.

Just sayin'.

Lisa said...

I'm reading some of your old blog entries, and wanted to let you know that:
1. I love your blog; you and I think so much alike, and
2. You should rename your "100 Things About Me" entries to "101 Things About Me," because in the first one, there are two entries numbered 4. I like 101 better anyway.
P.S. Verification word: sockho. Bwahaha!

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