100 Things About Me, Finale

76. I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies even once. I hear they're swell.

77. I owned two Star Wars action figures, both of which were presents from people who obviously didn’t know me very well. I traded C3PO to a friend of mine for a Paddington Bear book, and I think just threw Yoda away.

78. I agree with Mr. Sondheim that the only two things worth leaving behind you when you die are children and art. However, if I’m your beneficiary, I’d rather have your Rembrandt etchings than your kids.

79. I hate Monet’s paintings. I really do. I consider him the easy listening or iceberg lettuce of the art world. Except I sort of like iceberg lettuce. (Please don't write to me about this one. I have studied art history since my pre-teen years and majored in it in college. I've seen it all and read all the rhapsodies. I am not going to change my mind. If you like the fucking haystacks, great, just don't bother me about it.)

80. Two books I feel every home should have on hand: The Joy of Cooking (the old one by Mrs. Rombauer and her descendants, not the pretentious new impostor published under the same title) and a good guide to general etiquette (Emily Post is still your best bet, though Miss Manners beats all as fun to read and up-to-date).

81. Fictional characters I used to pretend to be as a child: Encyclopedia Brown, Bilbo Baggins, Evinrude the Dragonfly from The Rescuers, Willy Wonka, the boy kid from Return to Witch Mountain.

82. Non-fictional characters I used to pretend to be as a child: St. Dominic Savio, St. Francis of Assisi, Mozart, and Queen Victoria’s Highland servant, John Brown.

83. Often, as a child, I played alone. (Go figure.)

84. Three things I feel are overrated: Moe, Larry, and Curly.

85. I have always loved Roald Dahl’s books because I think they give a pretty true picture of the way most adults (especially teachers) react to any little kid who demonstrates creativity, ambition or unusual intelligence. (They will lie, cheat, and bully in order to make said kid conform to the norm.)

86. Out of all the teachers I had in primary, middle, and high school, there are four I think I actually learned something from, two I wish I were still in touch with, and one I have reason to think of every single day.

87. I like seeing the inner workings of things. Given the choice to see (for example) Avenue Q from the front row or the wings, I’d pick the wings. Especially if they let me take pictures.

88. I have a problem with heights from time to time. Once when I was pressed into emergency service to run a follow spot from a narrow catwalk 50 feet above the theater auditorium, I had such a terrible panic attack it took me half an hour to retreat the 15 feet back to the entrance to the catwalk.

89. Milk is still my favorite drink. As a kid, I’d go through a half-gallon a day if Mom didn’t put the breaks on me.

90. I regret that I never wrote to Charles M. Schulz to tell him how much Peanuts meant to me.

91. I wish I knew how to sew.

92. I think the Victorian ideal on continual self-improvement was a good idea and needs to be revived. There are so many people I know whose self-esteem should be far lower than it is.

93. Names for daughters I will never have: Rose, Olivia, Cordelia, Alice, Alexandra.

94. I don’t know about names for sons, because I can’t possibly imagine how I could bring up a son. I would probably call him Eustace or Galahad and he’d wind up getting murdered on the playground.

95. I really didn’t want to be a romantic any more after my relationship with Mr. Ex ended, but I’ve discovered that’s a part of me I can’t change.

96. If I am on the phone with you, please don’t interrupt me to tell me what your cat is doing. I don’t care what your cat is doing. (Note: Nobody ever cares what your cat is doing.)

97. Things I use all the time even though I hate them: cell phones and computers.

98. I’m starting to think I won’t live my whole life in the United States. I am a patriot. I love my country dearly and fiercely. But sometimes I earnestly wonder if the things I love about it are all going to disappear even if I (and many others) try to fight it.

99. I would like to try riding a bull just once before I die. Just not immediately before I die, if you see what I mean.

100. If when I die I go to heaven, I hope I get a chance to meet my paternal grandfather, who died before I was born; Queen Victoria, just because; Eleanor Roosevelt, so I can shake her hand. And then I’m going shopping with Aunt Eva.