Saturday, November 15, 2014

All About That Lace

I am nothing if not easily distracted. What's below is the kind of thing that creeps into my notebooks when I am supposed to be doing serious work.

If Meghan Trainor's bouncy ode to the curvaceous posterior, "All About That Bass",


can spawn a Star Wars version, a high school literacy version, and a forties jazz  version, et al., I see no reason why we knitters should not have a version of our own. 

I sing like a screech owl and haven't got the time to make a video (perhaps the Mason-Dixon ladies will oblige?), but here's my contribution to the boom boom on the dance floor.


Because you know
I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace,
'Bout that lace, lace, lace.

Yeah, it’s pretty clear
I need a size 2.
'Cause I been swatching, swatching,
Like I’m supposed to do.
'Cause I know what you need to make it all lace–
All the right holes in all the right places.

The knitting magazines down at the local shop,
You want a pretty shawl? They got a bumper crop.
Yarn over, knit together, and never stop
'Til every inch of it is perfect
From the bottom to the top.

You know my mama she told me don’t worry about the size,
She said a shawl can be tiny or cover you to the thighs.
You know I won’t knit your sweater for Christmas like Santa’s elf.
So if that’s what you want you can knit it your own damn self.

Because you know
I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.


Hey!

I’m using silk and yak,
I like the way my little needles clack,
I maybe wish I hadn’t chosen black–
But I won’t give up
'Til every inch of it is perfect
From the bottom to the top.

You know my mama she told me don’t worry about the size,
She said a shawl can be tiny or cover you to the thighs.
You know I won’t knit your sweater for Christmas like Santa’s elf.
So if that’s what you want you can knit it your own damn self.

Because you know
I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace, 'bout that lace,
No cables.

I’m all about that lace,
'Bout that lace.

Hey, hey, ohh.

You know you like this lace.

199 comments:

montymoo said...

Just as catchy as the original, if not more so. ;)

KellyS said...

You are awesome.
Thanks for something worth humming...er...

Aesox said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
There are much better songs to re-write. said...

Let's pit women against each other over their appearance and base their worth on their attractiveness to men. Oh, in the lyrics she says she's just kidding, ha ha. But then she says boys like more to hold on to. That's a pretty definitive statement that purposely excludes a subset of women. It's too bad that such a misogynistic song is so catchy.

Tania A said...

I love this so much.

Taphophile said...

Just as I got that bloody ear worm out of my head ... Damn fine parody!

Merry Karma said...

HI-larious!

--Deb said...

Perfect!

miastick said...

Hahaha- thank you for a good Sunday morning laugh :)
You've really worked hard on this!

Jenn said...

Love it!

Guernseygal said...

So much better than the original :-) and yes I am another lace addict

Pretty Knitty said...

lol! Everyone has a version...lol!
This was mine :http://prettyknittyjewelry.blogspot.com/2014/10/all-about-babies

Joyce F. said...

That is hilarious! Because, for me, it really is all about that lace.

Lisa said...

This. Is Hilarious.

Rebecca F said...

/applause

Kate said...

great
where is your video?

photoknitgal said...

Bravo. This would make for a perfect Flash Mob at a knitting event.

Roxie said...

Oh, Franklin, I do love you! You are such scamp.

Anonymous said...

LOVE it!

Lou said...

Another example of why I love you.

Donna Arnold said...

Let's make a video! Now I will sing your version _every_ time I hear it. Brilliant!

Samina said...

This is truly awesome! Better than anything else I've come across lately, the original included.

debra said...

Thank you...i'd never seen the original version....Are we doing kickstarter to fund the lace version or starting a White House petition?

Melissa said...

Awesome. Just abso-friggin'-lutely awesome.

October Rose said...

I love it. :)

(And to the negative anonymous commenter ... aren't the negative-but-catchy songs the ones we should WANT to rewrite? I'd much rather have knitting lyrics stuck in my head than misogynistic ones! :) )

Renee Anne said...

I'm pretty sure I've been giggling. Husband is giving me the side eye.

Holly said...

What a hoot !! Thanks for the giggle

Anonymous said...

Thank you!

Tommi Trujillo said...

Oh I love it!

latisha said...

Omg, i love it franklin! wish we could get someone to put it together, I'd play it at work (LYS)

Katy said...

Fabulous.

Vorpal Knitter said...

Just sang your version to my family, we love it!

MarieAnge said...

Awesome!
Finally singing the song of our people :)

Ken said...

Nothing short of brilliant. Thanks for this.

Michele Lightbown said...

I just sang this to my son!! I thought it was awesome sauce. I prefer your your lyrics Franklin!!

Anonymous said...

My 12 year old knitting daughter and I have been singing your version all day.

Gwyn said...

For a parody that exceeds the original, this is on a par with Weird Al Yankovich's "Word Crimes". We love you so much!!!!

sherinik said...

photoknitgal - you are so right! Please, someone organise this at the next Stitches? And post incriminating videos? (says she hiding on the other side of the world)

Anonymous said...

Awesome! Because when I'm not knitting lace, I'm all about the socks...

Cygnet81 said...

I for one am glad you were distracted! This was the highlight of my day!

J Vaughn said...

This feels like it was written for me!

Linda Evans said...

Haha! Clever, too!

Dana Strotheide said...

That just made me snort in the most unbecoming fashion. :) Hilarious!

Jenn said...

Dear Franklin,
You are a lyrical genius and I think you're just super. That is all.

Barbooch said...

Some of us did a version called "You gotta check that gauge" for our fall retreat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frjYaZYaE9A

Anonymous said...

Oh, good lord, this will be stuck in my head forever.

Caroline said...

Thanks, that is hilarious.
I have been known to wander around my house mumbling, "I'm all about the cats, 'bout the cats, no doggies..."

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this! Thanks for creating a version just for us knitters. - Joe-in Wyoming

mschoir01 said...

Poetry. Sheer lacy poetry. U rock. The end.

Gloria said...

What a hoot! Thanks for making me snort!

Beth V. said...

I LOVE IT!! A few years ago, I came up with alternate words to Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love", here's a sample:

I see the charts, but I don't read
I'm kntting at a different speed
My needles click double-time
Another stitch, the sweater's mine! Allll Mine!!
I can't be saved
A finished sweater is all I crave
Stay up late, of course I do
To finish this, all for you


You might as well face it,
You're addicted to Fuzz.


You get the idea. And of course, the video would be the gorgeous Mr. Palmer signing, but with knitters in the background instead of the band made of models.

Thanks for the laugh!


kellicraftstudio said...

That was awesome. I love parody.

julie said...

I love it!

CeltChick said...

You've done it again, made me spray my beverage all ovah the keyboard. I haven't even seen the original, but I still get it. This will be an earworm for the next three days, thanks.

Gina said...

Yes please. Do this!

Tonja said...

I LOVE this! Thanks for posting it - you made my Friday ROCK!

Ann said...

Love it

Ann said...

Love it

KT said...

Working this up on the uke this weekend to play at the SnB next week. Thank you for the inspiration!

Meredith MC said...

You crack me up!

kate said...

Made me cry with laughter. The dogs just came over to check I was ok...

Laura said...

What's up with the cable bashing? The knitting world is big enough for lace AND cables, come on now... #skinnybashing #cablebashing

</snark)

frankncents said...

That is fabulous. I may be singing it for every knitter I know over the weekend :)

China Tours said...

I love it so much, thanks.

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So Awesome! My husband liked your lyrics, too, and chuckled as I sang them to him.

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Dan and Julie in San Diego said...

I love this. I'm all about the lace, too, no cables...
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My heart be still; I can't stop laughing! Thank you so much for bringing me out of the depths of depression this day. I can't stop that bass, gotta start some lace, start some lace, start some lace.....bass....lace....lace...bass!!!

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