Thursday, July 08, 2010

Pachydermia

The First Fall 2010 issue of Knitty is live, and my contribution to the potluck is Flo, a little elephant with an interesting history.

Flo the Elephant, Knitty First Fall 2010

My inner six-year-old is unable to look at that picture without feeling compelled to share some of my very favorite elephant jokes. (Please set aside your juice boxes before proceeding.)

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card before he goes into the yarn shop.

Why did the elephant cross the road?

To get to the yarn shop on the other side.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

Because they need something to do while they wait for the yarn shop to open.

What did the grape say to the elephant?

Nothing–grapes can't talk! But if grapes could talk, the grape would have asked for directions to the yarn shop.

If you see an elephant in your car, what time is it?

Time to drive the elephant to the yarn shop.

Midwest Fiber and Folk Art Fair

Midwest Fiber and Folk Art FairMy inner six-year-old is also busting with anticipation because next week (July 16-18) is the annual Midwest Fiber and Folk Art Fair in Grayslake, Illinois. Have you been? This year I get to not only go and wander around the market, the art show, and the exhibits, but I'm also teaching.

The problem with teaching, of course, is that I can't also take classes, and my friends Edie Eckman (the knitting and crochet sorceress who taught me intarsia without killing me) and Carol Rhoades (of Spin Off and PieceWork magazines, et al., and on whom I have the most uncontrollable schoolboy crush) are also in the line-up.

62 comments:

Jen said...

Why do elephants have wrinkly knees?

From playing marbles too much.

And the surrealist joke:

Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkly?

Because if they were small, smooth and white, they'd be aspirin.

Have fun at the fiber fair! I'm tapped out on knitting events for a little while!

kmkat said...

No, no, NO! The elephants paint their toenails red so they can hide in the strawberry patch :)

Jen said...

By the way, that little elephant is super cute!

Helen said...

No... no... (and no kat)
Elephants paint their toenails red so they can hide in cherry trees. It's fun to knit in cherry trees - the snacks are handy, and no one interrupts when you're counting.

Stacie said...

How do you fit four elephants in a Volkswagon?

Two in the front-seat, two in the back.


How can you tell if there's been an elephant in the refrigerator?

There are four footprints in the jello.


How can you tell if there's been two elephants in the refrigerator?

There are eight foot prints in the jello.


How can you tell if there's been three elephants in the refigerator?

There are twelve footprints in the jello.


How can you tell there are four elephants in the refrigerator?

The Volkswagon is parked outside.

LoriAngela said...

Awesome! My favourite six year old joke right now:
Two cupcakes are in the oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here," The other one says, "A talking cupcake! That's a miracle!"
Thanks.

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim said...

How do you kill a blue elephant?

Shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?

Twist his trunk until he turns blue, and shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

My inner six-year-old is rather warped, to be honest...

Anonymous said...

Kmkat was right - elephants paint their toenails red to hide the the strawberry patch. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a strawberry patch? See...it works!

And Stacey's Volkswagon must be small - I can get 5 elephants in mine. Two in front, two in back, and one in the glove compartment.

What did the elephants say when they saw Tarzan swinging through the jungle?

There goes Tarzan swinging through the jungle.

What did the elephants say when they saw Tarzan swinging through the jungle wearing sunglasses?

Nothing - they didn't recognize him.

I have more...just have to remember them. Cute elephant, Franklin!

Mary

kristy said...

Wondering are you coming to Jefferson, Wisconsin in Sept for the sheep and wool festival? Maybe attend some of the classes there.

How do you know an elephant has been in your refridgerator, check the butter for tracks

Mary said...

What's invisible and smells like peanuts?

Elephant farts.

This joke also works with carrots and rabbits.

Adorable design!

Donna Lee said...

Flo is adorable.

And thank you for the reminder for the Fourth. I try to read it every year but the words get caught up in my throat and leak out my eyes. I'm a mess.

Iontach said...

Q. Why are elephants all wrinkly?

A. Have you ever tried blocking one?

I love Flo.

Sarah Jo Mosbeck said...

My favourite 6-year-old elephant joke, with the answer given by an actual 6-year-old.
Me: why are elephants wrinkly?
Her: because they can't afford Botox?
...Now i need to knit an adorable elephant - and i know just where to find one! ;)

Anne said...

I LOVE elephant jokes! LOVE them! Thanks!

Jenny said...

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
elephino
('ell if I know)

Love the elephant.

Anonymous said...

and not a word about packing his trunk with yarn!

Mary deB said...

Why do we use chicken egg yolks in an omelet?

Because elephant yolks are terrible!

Anonymous said...

You really are a wonderful writer. I enjoyed reading your interview with Sue Rothschild.

YogaNan knits, too... said...

Two things: My Mom had a dress made from fabric printed with elephant jokes--really! And I am taking a crochet class with Edie next weekend--whee!

Sherilyn said...

Franklin, I have no elephant jokes, but I'd like you to know that Nadia is going to love that elephant.

LindaWD said...

Must. Knit. Flo. the cutest elephant ever!! (they're my favorite animal....) Going to Knitty now. Thanks a bunch for your incredible creativity!

Lisa/knitnzu said...

I might have to knit a pink one. When I was 19 or so my parents had to come get me from jail one morning, where I landed after being picked up drunk and driving (I don't do this anymore, blame it on not having my brain fully developed yet, OK?), and driving back in the very early morning we passed a car dealership (in Salem or Peabody MA) that had a giant pink elephant on the lot. It was pretty hard not to laugh uproariously... I did chuckle.

Suzanne said...

How can you tell if there's an elephant in the yarn store?

You can smell the peanut butter on his breath.

Experimental Knitter said...

What's purple and rides a white horse out of Macedonia?
Alexander the Grape.
Love Flo the elephant!

Seanna Lea said...

Cute elephant!

Martha0051 said...

What's green and goes ninety-nine-thump, ninety-nine-thump, ninety-nine-thump?

A centi-pickle with a wooden leg.

woolandchocolate said...

The joke currently being continously repeated in our child laden home?
"Where do you take a horse when he gets sick?"
"To the FARM-acy"

That elephant is so very adorable. Last year I crocheted an elephant for a baby shower gift, lamenting all the while that there were no knitted elephant patterns to be found. No more! I can't wait to make one!

obsessmuch? said...

I'm looking forward to it, too! I can't wait to see how they do in their new location.

Julie said...

I love Flo gogolplex (5 year old grandson's favourite number)!

helenkosings said...

Now seriously, was Flo always the name of the elephant? Or does have something to do with the stuffing of the legs? Enquiring minds......

So what did the elephant say to the naked man?

"Well, it's cute and all, but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
---
How do you know if there's an elephant in your refrigerator?

For one thing, it's hard to close the door.
---
What do elephants do for fun?

Tell people jokes.

daisy in the shenandoah valley said...

Loved the interview! And the elephant is next on the list.

My word verification code is 'unbalk'. Is that what you do when the elephant gets stuck in the fridge?

lami said...

What weighs 5,000 pounds and wears glass slippers?

Cinderelephant.

Lynn said...

What do you get when you cross an elephant with peanut butter?

An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

I swore off knitting animals after the fiddly monkey disaster, but I think Flo is adorable and I can hear the perfect yarn calling from my stash already. Darn.

Anonymous said...

I knew there had to be a reason you called your elephant Flo. Now that I have read your interview with Sue Rothschild I know why. Thanks for yet another laugh.

Vicki

Jamie Knits said...

Just read the interview in Knitty and had to come over and tell you how much I enjoyed it.

Flo is adorable!

Jamie

Kathy Kathy Kathy said...

Yeah, you're not fooling me either by naming the elephant Flo. In my circles, she'd have been named Aunt Flo. Elephant/knitting related jokes: What's old and purple and wrinkled? Grape Grandma. (oops, not knitting related, though she did knit) How can you tell an elephant has been in the yarn store? The cashmere smells like peanuts and there's no more hay in the Noro. Next one is a bit twisted. What do elephants use for Kotex? Sheep. (Don't tell Delores.)

Joyce said...

I'm in love with Flo!

Ironwoodtree said...

See ya next week! I'll bring some yarn photos - they're much better after taking your photography class.

joeyshouse said...

Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant and a skein of Malabrigo?


A: Malabrigo! Where?

Anonymous, too said...

To paraphrase another Flo, "Well, I think it's cute and if you don't, you can kiss mah grits!"

Seriously, I'd love to see how you'll transform Flo into a wooly mammoth or mastodon. Why? So you can give one to your ever-adorable niece -- the one who was the model for your "Littlest Democrat" sweater.

Dana KBS said...

What is the difference between an elephant and a plum?

Plums are purple.

****

What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants running toward her through the jungle?

"Here come the elephants!"

****

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants running toward her through the jungle?

"Here come the plums!" (He was colorblind.)

Cheryl said...

So Cute! I'm going to have to knit one for my granddaughter! :)

Gerri in St Paul said...

I only can remember two jokes and one is covered by the peanuts. I remember the rabbit version. The other one is long and involved a viola player. It's OK to just save time by laughing now.

If I can fit Midwest Fiber and Folk into my 48hr visit, hopefully I'll get to wave HI.

noricum said...

Another Franklin:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/noricum/4771018773/

Harpa Jónsdóttir said...

The only on I know in English (that isn't already here):

Why do elephants have grey skin?

To keep their insides together.

Anonymous said...

OMG that is the toy I'm making for the neighbor baby. THANK YOU!! you rock

deirdre said...

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

See, it works!

Anonymous said...

I will be going to Midwest Fiber Fair in Grayslake, IL! My first time can't wait. Love your blog!

Sorry no elephant jokes...I am knitting with some gray wool yarn that reminds me of an elephant! That should do!

Janice in Southeastern WI
jaknitsea@charter.net

junior_goddess said...

I used to go drinking in Grayslake, at Kristof's Beef and Bowl. Which is EXACTLY what it sounds like. Wonder if it's still in business?

Anonymous said...

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
It was tied to the monkeys.

Jennifer said...

How do you get out of an elephant?
You run around til you get pooped out.

Flo is lovely. Thank you!

Ladymyzt said...

I know it's silly but I saw you today at the Midwest fiber and folk art Festival. But too shy to say hello, I know silly girl! I just wanted to say I felt like I was seeing a celebrity. Hubby has been teasing me all night for not saying hello, but wanted you to know I love your blog!

VALERIE said...

Mr Habit,
Hurry up and get back to your keyboard! I miss your fresh blogs...reading the reruns just don't cut it!

Ed said...

Har ha..."Flo".

I knew this project couldn't possibly be as tame as it sounded. Very sneaky, Franklin.

Laurie said...

--
knit elephants in history
--
read page 59 .. on "table four" we find some 1860 knit elephants entered in a fair/ Massachusetts
---
http://books.google.com/books?id=1NlDAAAAYAAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false

DeanB said...

To this day I cannot hear an elephant joke without remembering being in a campground in Rotterdam in 1963 where a 10-year-old from London, Ontario, was trying to tell elephant jokes to several Dutch college students who just did not understand the whole concept. Sorry, had to have been there.

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