Thursday, January 21, 2010

How to Propagate a Stereotype (1968 Edition)

1. Design a charming floral block in crochet.

Spread

2. Make it the dominant motif in your pattern for a bedspread.

Spread

3. Publish it with instructions sized only for a single bed.

Spread

4. Style the photograph to look like Room 148 at Shady Acres Community Home for the Terminally Lonely and Criminally Aged.

Spread

5. Name it after a religious movement most associated in the public imagination with never, ever having sex.

Spread

6. Wonder why the rising "Me" generation is not flocking to purchase your yarn.

Why?

57 comments:

Patricia said...

Wait a minute... that looks like my bedroom circa 1968! Hmmm, that could explain a lot... I am so glad you are looking through all those magazines - I'd rather read the summary!

Mary said...

Have you ever tried to crochet a bedspread? I have. Believe me, you don't want to make more than a twin bed's worth. It'll make you crazy. I nearly went crazing doing a twin bed. Or maybe I did and you're just a weird hallucination. :)

Jeanne in Nevada City said...

I'm glad you're sharing your magazines with us... with your unique spin, of course.

Kristen said...

Wow. Just wow.

Anonymous said...

that square looks labor intensive; time only for a single bed in a single lifetime.

marie in florida

Jeremy said...

Why does it sounds like there's more of a story behind this....

Bethany said...

I know you like redacting old patterns. Have you come across www.antiquepatternlibrary.com? There's all kinds of instructions, from bobbin lace to wax flowers.

Somewhere Else said...

My mum crocheted a double bedspread in a vain attempt to quit smoking. When she started, she had plans for making one for each niece. When she finished, she was still smoking and never crocheted again. Maybe if she'd made a single??

Drop Stitches Not Bombs said...

Hilarious! Perhaps the pattern writer envisaged a married couple sleeping demurely and chastely in twin beds? It is a beautiful pattern, though. My great-grandmother crocheted a double bedspread with a miniscule silver crochet hook; it took her a whole year. She was subsequently quite horrible to my mum, possibly out of crochet-related resentment.

Sara in WI said...

funny.....

Amanda said...

I have to admit that pattern is my Ravelry queue- I attempted one square and it is so fiddly and difficult I decided it must have been written for poor old maids to give them something to do to take their minds off their loneliness.

LaurenV said...

That's a pretty motif...I wouldn't make a bedspread out of it, though...It would be asking to be put in an insane asylum if you're decor already matches.

knitguyla said...

I like it. Feel free to make me one! ;-)

Anonymous said...

So... you want to receive all the magazines we collectors have been saving for just this very day!

Heh heh,

the professionalaunt

Emily said...

My great-gram had some sort of non-Alzheimer's senile dementia that meant her short-term memory was non-existent. She crocheted squares like that all day, every day. At the end of the year, her daughters would get together & assemble bedspreads from them. Perfectly gorgeous. (I think hers were somewhat less fiddly, but not by much.)And, alas, after decades of use, the thread rots.

Virginia said...

That is awesome.

Maybe instead of bedspread they should have said "burial shroud" or something.

Corbie said...

After finishing the twin-sized sample and tying the approximately 4 bazillion pieces of fringe, the test-knitter wound up in Shady Acres Home for the Terminally Twitchy. She was last seen wearing a Pocohantas outfit while also wearing a Pilgrim hat, muttering, "I trimmed one of them a little shorter. But then it stood out, so I had to trim all of them. The last one was a little shorter, so I had to trim all of them. But then the last one was shorter...." Recovery is not expected soon. A larger sample piece was abandoned.

Jenny said...

Ok, so I would like to have that pattern. I know, mock me if you will but I think it would make a beautiful blanket made out of a different weight of yarn. I love fiddly things.

nosenabook said...

Over twenty years ago I began a bedspread, no size determined. I thought I'd make a few squares and see how far I got.
The squares were about a yard to a side, cleverly chosen so I wouldn't go crazy making a bazillion tiny motifs.
I made three, no two the same gauge or size. There's still not enough for a single bed, and I can no longer tolerate filet crochet.

Still, that's a very nice motif....

Jane said...

Came across your blog quite by chance - I'm an embroiderer not a knitter, one very sharp needle is all I can cope with!
Found myself laughing out loud at your writing. Will be back again soon to catch up with you and Delores.

Deb said...

You do know Puritan was the name of a crochet cotton company. I have half a bedspread made by my grandmother in my closet with all the remaining balls of Puritan cotton.

That pattern is beautiful.

Evelyn said...

Hard to believe that in a mere 12 months the nation went from that to Woodstock nation, isn't it? hahaha

Anonymous said...

Actually I would LOVE to have that pattern. I have been looking for a interesting pattern to make an afghan for a friend of mine.

I would (of course!) be making it out of much thicker and washable yarn. I like my friend but not that much.

Sooooo, it is possible to get the pattern?

Anonymous said...

Totally loving this series. Please please please keep it coming! (Still snorting with laughter at "I Most Certainly Did Not.")

THANK YOU!

SEA

junior_goddess said...

Why would anyone do more than a pillow's worth??

I like the motif, tho.

Sweet Camden Lass said...

I am *so* glad I'm at home. Meant I could laugh at the top of my laugh!

Erin said...

Hahahaha, your observations are so spot-on.

tangoandcha said...

My grandmother (not usually a quitter) once started a crocheted bedspread.

It makes a very nice ornamental tablecloth!

Anne O'Nymous said...

Maybe I should make one of these. It might be like lighting a cigarette to make the bus arrive earlier.

("Dymobl," word ver. folks? I shall certainly try, but not just today.)

Benita said...

My great-grandmother, who had 13 children and not a twin or triplet in the bunch - used to crochet bedspreads and table clothes like this. I swear we just don't make people like we used to. Of course, I wonder how many kids she would have had if she hadn't had that itty-bitty crochet to brandish at my great-grandfather once in a while?

Yarndude said...

...I kinda like it...

Miss Knotty said...

See, and I thought it was just a kid's bed. Thanks for setting me straight, Franklin!

artohline said...

Marvelous! You just gave me my deep belly laugh of the day!

FiberQat said...

Too many holes for a Puritan bedspread. They're too revealing!

Anonymous said...

Do you think, possibly, that the new "Me" generation knows nothing about the Puritans? So they're walking about, scratching their heads, trying to figure out if they'll look like dorks if they buy the pattern.
Mojogib. I do like this word verification. I mean, doesn't mojogib sound like a real word?

marijka said...

Reminds me of those fancy crocheted tablecloths that you can never eat on and the cats love to claw...

WhitMc said...

I love it.

patricia said...

thanks for the laugh! A good way to start the weekend.

Diane said...

My Nana crocheted a double size bedspread for my mother for after she got married. Of course back then the only other exciting thing Nana had - was to collect S&H Green Stamps. God bless her -she crocheted everything.

Barb said...

It's all in the name ... if they'd named it Wedding Bower (need to change the size to double/queen) or Spring Beauty or something, the ambience would have been completely different.

Can you tell I do public affairs for a living?

It really is pretty though ... I think, anyway!

Seanna Lea said...

So, should they have named it instead the Missionary Bedspread?

Freakish Lemon said...

That fake wood paneling behind the bed and that oddly low hanging frame on the other wall are so classy.

Also, that bed spread looks awfully thin.

Amy said...

Lieutenant Uhura, is that you?

Jen in KS said...

In keeping with a recent trend of giving patterns esoteric names, this one could be Sublimation. Then it would be cool.

Lily said...

Now you see I've just started on knitting a double bedspread for lovely daughter. I have until December 2011 to finish it. Your article does not instill me with confidence!

Victoria said...

So sexy.

Wait...

Mary the Digital Knitter said...

My grandmother crocheted double-sized bedspreads for each of her eleven grandchildren, as well as making each of us crocheted tablecloths (pineapple pattern). I also got a lot of doilies and a lovely cross-stitched tablecloth with tatted edging made by my great aunt. All of the crocheting was with no. 10 or finer cotton and she was really quick.

Anne O'Nymous said...

As is my wont, I skipped several steps in my thinking process when I wrote, "Maybe I should make one of these. It might be like lighting a cigarette to make the bus arrive earlier."

I meant that making the spread might keep me out of Shady Acres and bring about the presence of a good man with whom to share a larger-than-single-bed.

See, there was some logic there; it's like Penelope's weaving in reverse. (Gnivaew S'epolenep!)

Jennifer said...

OMG - I'm not sure if it's legal to laugh this much on a Monday morning! That is just too darned funny. Thanks for the chuckle.

Hester from Atlanta said...

Crocheted Bedspreads Are Us: A family friend who lived in Atlanta became a young widow in the 1930s. Her husband had become fairly wealthy, so she didn't have to worry about working, etc. Being a Refined Lady of the South, she spent the rest of her life basically needlepointing chair seats and crocheting bedspreads similar to the one in the picture. And this was before TV and Soap Operas. As much as I love needlework, I think I would have done some serious damage to myself with the tiny little hook if this was all I had to do and think about.

It certainly is sad that the thread rots after a while!

AsHesterKnits said...

Wow, mine would have had a big ole bad assed scarlet A on it.

paulam2 said...

oh i must have one! just the sort of faux victorian kiwi gothic vibe i so enjoy.
thanks for disseminating these lovely images :-)

Aidan said...

Yokele - way funny. Although, as you know, I am a bit of an old lady myself, so I will admit that I wish I had a (queen size) bedspread just like it!

In you war chest of vintage patterns, is there a pattern for lace curtains? I have a couple of windows in the cottage in Michigan that I want to knit curtains for.

Sharon V said...

Oh my goodness. Your post CRACKED ME UP!

I swear, every grandmother I ever had had THAT bedspread - and none of them knit or crochet. Which just makes it even funnier.

Yarngryphon said...

OK, yes, but most importantly: where can I find that pattern?

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