Today, the fourteenth of February, is my Day of Days.
As heiress to the Love Goddess tradition embodied through the ages but such hotcha gals as Venus, Cleopatra, Delilah, Helen of Troy, Mata Hari, and Mamie Eisenhower,* it is my duty on this sacred occasion to spread the message that love is grand, love is universal, and love makes the world go 'round.
As I once said to Paul McCartney in a tender aprés-schtupp moment, "All you need is love, cupcake." Guess what happened next.**
And let me tell you, to celebrate love you don't need anybody else in the room. A lover can be nice, don't get me wrong–even if it's just the temporary kind you pick up at the market along with a bag of Cheese Doodles and a bottle of Pellegrino.
But if you're alone, see, you can still have a snack and a drink and you don't risk a fight in the afternoon because somebody forgot to wash his hands after eating the Cheese Doodles and now you've got sticky, neon orange fingerprints all over your underpants, the new satin sheets, the headboard, the kitchen table, and the privacy fence next to the Jacuzzi.
If you're having a solo Valentine's Day, why not get yourself a little something nice to nibble on and have a romantic film festival for one? Or for you and your best like-minded pals? Since this blog caters to yarn-centric types, Harry and I put together a list of romantic knitting classics:
- The Way We Worsted
- Cashmere to Eternity
- Feltin' in the Rain
- A Colorway Named Desire
- Sheepless in Seattle
- The Postman Always Purls Twice
- The Last Tangle in Paris
- The Koigu and I
- It Happened One Knit
- The Yarn Stores of Madison County
- It's a Wonderful Laceweight
- The Unbearable Lightness of Kidsilk Haze
- When Harry Met Sally Melville
- Gone with the Ball Winder
Now, if you're really out of the love loop and would prefer to see people struck by chainsaws rather than Cupid's dart, ponder our list of stasher movies. You might achieve catharsis.
But remember, kids, you're never truly unloved. I love you, as how could I not considering the earth-shaking extent to which you love me? Mama's got more than enough Valentine going on here for anybody who can handle it.
Just remember to wash the Cheese Doodles off your fingers if we shift into second gear.
* Seriously. I knew Mamie. Trust Me.
**Note to Paulie: Where's my effing royalty check, you cheap bastard?