Friday, September 26, 2008

Campaign Update!

Campaign HarrySo hello everybody guess what it's Harry!

It has been really busy here at Fibertarian Party headquarters because Dolores got sort of distracted for a while right after the convention. I mean it was not her fault everything was going great and we were trying to figure out who should be the vice president candidate, and that is tricky because honestly nobody wanted to do it. (I mean I would have done but since I came from Germany they said I can't be president so I can't be vice president and I think that stinks. I mean it is not like I have an accent you know.)

So our convention was over already and we were still trying to figure out who would be a good choice as veep (I love to say that veep veep veep veep veep) and then the Republicans had their convention and well Dolores just got so mad. Because you know there was all this cheering and stuff and this lady came out and she was the person they want to be vice president. They dropped balloons all over her they were so excited.

And you have never seen Dolores get so mad!!!! She said if this country wants to elect a loudmouth hypocritical fading beauty queen with a violent streak and funny glasses and a largely fictitious biography well goddammit (sorry I am quoting) I was here first and I am going to sue for copyright violation.

Exhibit A

Then she said she was going to the Lucky Horseshoe to plan out her case and we didn't see her again for a long time.

And while she was gone we went ahead and picked Mrs Teitelbaum as the veep (veep veep veep veep) candidate because she was born in Mattoon Illinois so she's American and Lana the campaign manager said apparently in this day in age any moron who can walk across a stage and read off a teleprompter is qualified for high office and I said you know sometimes Mrs Teitelbaum isn't so good at reading or walking and Lana said to shut up.

The Ticket

So now Dolores is back home and she is looking to go on the road and do some campaigning! But see after the convention expenses we only have about $5 in the kitty (meow! hee hee) so she is going to have to travel by mail.

Okay it is not really Dolores. She would cost a lot of money to mail she is pretty heavy. It is a cut-out picture of Dolores, but she says if people would mail her around and take pictures of her in different places and then we could post them online and it would look like she is traveling and nobody would know the difference as long as you don't tell the media shhhhhhhh.

So she wants to do this all through October and we need to organize quick so if you are interested in hosting her you should please write to us at franklin at franklinhabit daht cahm and tell us your city and state and we will let you know more.*** Remember you have to send email not just leave a comment. And you should know you would need to make sure that you get a digital picture of Dolores to send us in about 2-3 days and then you will be responsible for sending her along to the next stop, okay? You have to promise!

If you do it you will get a big campaign button that Franklin is making that is only for the people who host the campaign tour, nobody else will ever get one, and he says that the button and seven dollars will get you a hamburger pretty much anywhere in America.

So I guess that is all for now okay thank you for reading and I hope you will stay tuned and watch as we march to victory in the White House except don't tell Dolores but right now I am kind of leaning toward Obama.

*** Okay everybody I just had to pull Franklin out from under his desk because I guess there's like 240 offers already and so if you could just hold off now while we sort it all out that would be neato okay thanks! And boy you are sure an enthusiastic bunch Dolores is going to be so excited!

67 comments:

LittleWit said...

Sign me up. Everyone has to come through Ohio at some point. We're such an important state! :)

Nautical Knitter said...

We would love to host a campaign stop in Alabama. Let us know when..

amy said...

Ha. Just emailed you. Why should kids have all the fun with Flat Stanley, anyway?

Nancy K. said...

I'd be happy to host a Minnesota campaign stop!

Wee Quantum Furball said...

I soooooo would love a visit here in Austin. Email zipping its way through cyber space.

no-blog-rachel said...

Oh I am so in (I emailed you separately).

JoVE said...

That is an absolutely BRILLIANT plan. And the resemblance between Delores and SP is kind of scary.

ambermoggie said...

I'm sure that if Dolores was seen to travel internationally it would help her cause. Send her over to us in the UK

gaylen said...

I would be happy to host her North of Seattle. I think I emailed you . . . g

Jen said...

Every candidate must make appearances in New Hampshire. I'd be happy to host Dolores here.

Tsarina of Tsocks said...

I'm in, but more to the point - would Dolores consider coming to Rhinebeck? We would totally love to host a campaign appearance / photo-op in our booth. We would even be prepared to lock up the booze. Or unlock the booze, as the case may be.

Judith said...

Oh, gawd, you crack me up! Thanks for helping me to laugh at all of this. I'll join the Fibertarian Party!

djenn said...

Hi Harry. Thanks for the campaign update. It was really enlightening except my daughter looked at me funny cause I was laughing so hard.

veep veep veep veep.

Zelda said...

I love how you can change your "voice" so that in the first five words I already knew it was Harry speaking. And I'm intrigued that anybody else writing without a comma in sight makes me want to yank out my hair and scream, but somehow when Harry does it, it's breathless and funny and cute...

Usually it's an advantage to live so close to where you are, but this time-- well, anyplace I could reasonably take Dolores, so could you.

Ivywindow said...

As a Brit, in Britain 'n all, I don't think it would be a great use of party funds for me to host Delores on her campaign.

Maybe when she goes for Secretary General of the UN...

Anita said...

We would love to host Delores in Asheville! She could go to the tailgate market with us . . . and meet with William the Accidental Sheep. Emailing you in just a moment.

theresa said...

She really needs to come to California. If she is already booked then how about January and the Rose Parade? Pasadena would love to host her.

la takahashi said...

Franklin, you are brilliant! I am not good at mailing so I cannot participate. Long story you don't want to know. But regardless, I was laughing so hard. Thank you!

Geek Knitter said...

Send her to Oregon! Everybody thinks we're a bunch of wierdos here anyway, let's prove it to 'em!

E-mailing now...

christine (threedogknits) said...

Florida would love to host Dolores. I just emailed you. Where I am (Pinellas County) is and important swing vote area. All presidential candidates come here to campaign. If Dolores really wants to make it to the White House, a stop here is a must!

Cindy said...

Tacoma Washington! We'll show um Delores

Leslie K. said...

I'd love to show Delores around Richmond Virginia (Capitol of the Conferacy), but I absolutely cannot figure out how to e-mail you

Leslie K. said...

OK, FINE! I'm an ijit. franklinhabit daht cahm

Duh

KnitNana said...

OH YES! I think this is TERRIFIC!
Off to email...our state is CRITICAL to this election (so they tell us...)
(((hugs)))

Jenipurr said...

We would be thrilled to 'host' Delores, here in sunny Sacramento, CA.

KT said...

OK like that is so cute I love Harry and I think he must be like 13 cause my little sis blogs and she never uses punctuation either lol.

(thanks for the day-brightener, as usual, Franklin!)

Kelli Simone said...

I just emailed for a northern NJ or NYC stop. ~ksp

Anonymous said...

i see she's got one request for Florida already. we'll stock up the maxi bar in the guest bedroom.

marie in florida

Mel said...

Well, naturally she needs to come to Maine. We're where the sun rises on Amurr'ca, after all. Will she be coming to Rhinebeck?

alala said...

You know, if you send Dolores to Britain and Germany, you could show that she has more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin.

Of course, anybody who's been through Disney World's It's A Small World ride has more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin...

Lisa said...

OMG I can't breathe. That is the funniest post yet!

Anonymous said...

Dolores totally needs to come to Florida!

the boogeyman's wife said...

oo, oo, send her here and i'll do a photo shoot at the santa claus house in north pole - that'll be some good competition for palin (and exhibit B in her copyright case maybe?)

countryelvis4 said...

I'd love to host a campaign stop in Vermont! Sign me up!

Jo Anne W-M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jo Anne W-M said...

My God, Sarah Palin is a Dolores impersonator! I hadn't picked up on the uncanny similarities until now. By the way, will Dolores be taking part in the Presidential debates? If McCain cancels it would be a great opportunity for Dolores to get center stage exposure. Maybe she can get on the Letterman Show. He is mad as all get out at McCain.

Kate R said...

Emailed you...send her over to CA!!!

I actually thought that Dolores HAD been chosen as the VEEP for McCain...There is an uncanny resemblance between La Dolores and the Governor (really? Governor?) ]of Alaska...only Dolores is cuter.

Kristen said...

I nearly fell over when I saw the resemblance between SP and Dolores! Heh!

Alotta.knittin said...

Just dropped you a message about hosting Dolores in Lawrenceville, New Jersey. I forgot to ask though, does this offer include Mrs. Teitelbaum?

Anonymous said...

I love your sense of humor!!

Cathy-Cate said...

I emailed you from Wisconsin. We are known for brandy. And cheese, of course.

Loved your post, Harry!

knititch said...

i imagine dolores' fave colours to be moorit and eesit... maybe russet for a big do. a woolf in sheep's clothing as she is.

sarah oh sarah on the other hand would wear shocking pink which i only like in the tissuepaper indie yarn companies wrap their skeins in.

Angela said...

You've got Chicago covered, I'd guess! Love the fading beauty queen comparison.

auntgerry said...

I vote for here in Columbus Ohio, where all campaigns battle it out. Send her to me.

auntgerry said...

I vote for Columbus Ohio where all campaigns battle it out.

J. said...

Will we be seeing a debate between Dolores and Sarah Palin?

Please?

Susan said...

I just about fell out of my chair laughing! Thanks, Harry!

Ellen-Mary said...

Damn! I'm too late.

Anonymous said...

Nobody for Hawaii yet...
Madame Pele would love to have the Fibertarians at a function...

It could get kinda hot tho...

alicia

Knitting Painter Woman said...

I've been reading a lot of David Baldacci novels, and think you need to find some former CIA/NIC/FBI operatives (think steel dpns) to shiv the opponents. Or maybe that kitty to tangle the opposition's lines of bs.)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Does Australia count??

FiberQat said...

Oh ho hoho ho ho ho ho! Don't let Dolores catch you saying you like Obama, Harry. You'll be in so much trouble.

Cathy said...

Rofl! It's probably too late to get in on this, but I live near Williamsburg, VA, where they have the "Birthplace of our Country" thing going on. It would have been hysterical to take her either there or Yorktown Battlefield....

dale-harriet said...

I just e-mailed you too, and believe me when I say, she'll get a LOT of support here in Mad-town. The fact that she's Romney, and a sheep, and you know, sort of *imaginary* makes NO DIFFERENCE! I can promise I am going to vote for her. AND Mrs Teitelbaum, even if she can't see Russia from her house. She sounds like someone who makes a mean matzoh ball, and therefore has my vote. (Other years I've wanted to write in Teddy Roosevelt; his own flaw is death, but we're liberal here.)

Pockafwye said...

How about a DIY cutout copy of Dolores? If you could provide a virtual Dolores online, those of us too late to host campaign stops by the original plan could, perhaps, print out a Dolores-look-alike and take photos of those. By the power of the intertwebs, Dolores could be in many places at once.

georg said...

You should send out several pictures of Delores so she can be in more than one place at once! That's a magical quality we ought to have in a president!

Syd said...

I live in AZ...and would love to host her! McCain's place is just 15 minutes from here, seeing her at his drive way would be a kicker..but alas..I have no digital camera, nor does my cell phone do anything with Pics!

esmerel said...

bwahaha. I think you just got a taste of what the Yarn Harlot feels like when she puts one of those offers out in the wild. Learn from her mistake. ;)

Yarnisfun said...

I also was too late to sign up for the campaign. So I think having more than one Dolores is a great idea! Maybe there could be a different Dolores for each part of the country, so more people could sign up and play.

Dutch Jan said...

How about a campain in Holland??? I am sure we can do something here!! or am I too late??????

Anonymous said...

Could Harry come visit if Delores is too busy?

Marea in FL

ClaireLeah said...

I know you indicated that you have plenty of volunteers - but I live outside DC - so I am throwing my hat into the ring (so to speak). I would definitely be able to add some inside the beltway clout :) ! Please let me know. Claire (ClaireLeah@gmail.com)

Knitting Kris said...

This post is the funniest thing I've seen regarding this election. Thanks for posting! :)

Red said...

Love Harry.

Too bad he can't be veep himself. Dolores/Harry would be the best ticket going.

bronchitikat said...

Y'know, if Obama didn't look so promising, I'd reckon Dolores could do at least as good/bad a job as the present incumbent!

Not that the opinion of a Brit in (Old) Hampshire will matter one jot. We'll just have to put up with the fallout, like we've been doing all along!

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