Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The Girl Can't Help It

Say about her what you will, but Hester Prynne was certainly the most famous gal in the village. And it seems that history is repeating itself.

I was without an iPod (horrors) for about two weeks and so hadn't been in step with Brenda Dayne's Cast On. Just imagine my surprise when I listened to Episode 22 and heard her dedicate a song to my Sheep in Residence. Not to me, mind you. To Dolores.

Dolores took it all in stride.

"I suppose I should have warned you this might happen," she said. "Le spectacle, c'est moi. There's just something magnetic about me."

"I thought that was static electricity."

"Envy ill becomes you, munchkin," she sniffed. "In any case, Brenda obviously knew of my avant-garde dance career in the mid-seventies and chose to acknowledge it in song."

"Dolores, you were a stripper in a hay bar in Times Square."

"It was site-specific performance art. I was making a comment about the exploitation of livestock by modern agribusiness. I had a grant from the NEA. Did they teach you anything at Harvard or what?"



And now Little Miss Popular even has a mention in the Museum of Kitschy Stitches curated by Stitchy McYarnpants.

"At some point," said Dolores, "I think we may need to discuss the fact that I sleep on a cushion next to the Victrola."

I wonder if Bo Peep had to put up with shit like this?

39 comments:

S.Kate said...

laughing so hard, (gasp)..choking..

Jen said...

is it wrong that I'm in love with Dolores? I was always too short to be a stripper...erm I mean a performance artist in Montreal

Carol said...

Okay, here's where I draw the line. Sheep pasties? (And not the kind with carrots and diced potatoes.)

Ew.

Rachel H said...

Whatever you're drinking or smoking, dude, I want some.

Anonymous said...

(snort)

OMG, another cartoon to be put on a cafepress coffe mug if I ever saw one! we could call this one "shimmy dolores". it would look great with the others.

sweet FSM, you rock!

anne marie in philly

Longhorn Diva said...

From a member of your fan club:
Dolores, I love you! Shake it, girl.

All the Way With Knitting said...

Watch that gal ....what next pole dancing ? You know what Salome wanted ."A saucy lamb in a minty joint"

Eldronius said...

My giggle box has exploded! Pasties + Sheep = Loads of woolie excitement

I picture her like the ending scene of the Elvira movie: Mistress of the Dark where she talentedly was able to spin each tassle simutaneously in opposite directions.

I love your style of humor. Thanks for sharing with us over the past year and then some.

Liz said...

Lamb pasties!

Katherine Of It All said...

You have a Victrola?!

canKNITian said...

I have been reserving comment, waiting for the perfect moment...and saving my pennies for just the right cafepress item.

Now, the moment has finally arrived, and I have no words.

Except, maybe -- Shake it, shake it baby!

Joe said...

Ooooh...Franklin said "sh!t"!

Now I'M telling your Mother and we'll BOTH be in trouble.

Besides which, when it comes out of a sheep...isn't it poo or manure or something?

Donna said...

The ones that twirl and the ones with carrots and potatoes are pronounced two entirely different ways. Try mis-pronouncing in MI's UP (famous for the baked not twirled variety)and wait for the response from the waitress (person). Did that. Just once.

Fyberduck said...

Bo Peep lived in the pre-blog era, so of course not ;)

I WANT that cartoon on a tee, btw - cafepress it??

Debbie said...

*sticks a dollar in Dolores' sequined bra*

OooOOooohhh . . . Dolores, what an exotic scent. Is that Euclan? mmmmm

Ann said...

Mother of God! Give a girl some warning! Now I have to clean Diet Dr. Pepper off of my keyboard.

goblinbox said...

Hay bar! HAY BAR! *rofl*

Redford Phyl said...

Franklin, you and Dolores just made my day. Can't stop laughing - as usual.

Lisa said...

Too funny Franklin, and kudos to Dolores...you go girl!

Ethan said...

I thought the apology to Canadian knitters was a riot... but as a lways, you slay me again. I love you and Dolores...

Mel said...

Knit monkeys cause ever so much less trouble.

Leslie said...

Why only two pasties??

I just about spewed my wine; my thanks go to you and Dolores for the greatest laugh. Please, oh please, put this on a cafe press coffee mug? And leave the original title?

Anonymous said...

Hi Franklin!

Been lurking waaay to loong! I LOVE your blog...so funny and your knitting ain't bad either ;-) BUT, I think Dolores is just a hoot! I just ordered a sassy Dolores t-shirt and hope that her attitude rubs off on me...LOVE IT!!

What is a Victrola?

Thanks for the kicks and giggles!!

Happy Knitting!

Debbie

Annette said...

In the words of David Cassidy.......I think I love you. Franklin, do you ship overseas? I have GOT to get me some Dolores gear.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had something clever to say, but I don't. Just wanted to say how much I absolutely love reading your blog. Things are haywire in my life right now, and it's delicious to turn to your blog and laugh at Dolores, admire your handiwork and just generally enjoy what you have to say. Thank you. :-)
Sherri

AngeliasKnitting said...

lol - Franklin, you always make me laugh.

Jay said...

Bo Peep ended up a fat spinster with no sheep, however it has never been proved that the lack of wool-producing creatures in her immediate vicinity had anything whatsoever to do with her pink portliness or the fact that she wore a dab of Eu De Mint Sauce behind each ear.

Melissa said...

Franklin, you seem to have been making Dolores some "Tit bits."

Naughty Franklin! You KNEW what she would DO with them!!

-Melissa

Linda said...

Oh she is an uppity sheep, as politically incorrect people would say!

Rabbitch said...

Oh lord. If you had had her wearing SIX pasties or something I likely would have died on the spot. As it was, I just gigglesnorted quite madly.

Fortunately I spend most of my time alone, so they're not coming to get me yet.

Carol said...

Hi Franklin!

I have a question about getting the 'It itches' cartoon on a mug or plain note cards. How can I contact you?

Lovin' Dolores. She's obviously the black sheep of her family.

Sandra said...

snort! (the outburst of laughter, followed by the wiping of coffee off my keyboard, and explanations to co-workers...)
God, I love Dolores! If she ever wans to holiday in Canada - send her up to me - we uppity chicks have to stick together.

Judy Foldi said...

OK - when does your book come out? I'll buy it sight unseen! Love you and Dolores?

By the way, didn't I tell you that you'd love The Pallisers?

Nora said...

It seems that many bloggers are bringing out books. How's about Dolores and you? I love your stories and illustrations and I have some disposable income...whatever I don't spend on yarn, that is, so don't get your hopes up too much! Anyway, just a thought. Thanks for brightening my days.

Chicago Jen said...

Franklin, I'm trying to create a poll on my blog and Blogger keeps rejecting my code that I'm pulling from freeblogpolls.com. Do you write your own code for Polls or are you pulling it from somewhere?

TIA
wordswitsnwool.blogspot.com

GAndyS said...

Dolores seems like she is an old compatriot of Mehitabel the cat from the book "Archy and Mehitabel", Dolores is pure witchery! We love her as Mehitabel says, "There's a dance in the old dame yet!"

GAndyS said...

I think Dolores may be a reincarnation of Mehitabel since Mehitabel claimed to be Cleopatra in a former life and they have a lot in common. Mehitabel said, "wot the hell/ i have had a good time while/ i lasted come easy go easy/ archy thats my motto" A charming cat with a devoted cockroach named archy who types by hitting the keys with his head as he jumps on them, therefore no capitals! (It's by Don Marquis if anybody wants some more laughs). I just love Dolores, you are far to patient with her humors! She's a bit of a tyrant to you Franklin.

dragon knitter said...

ok, that drawing of dolores is just wrong. she's too old to have that stuff hanging out! put on a robe, dolores!

and i refuse to discuss summer wardrobes

Leslie said...

It just dawned on me this afternoon that Dolores stole that outfit from Sister Sue's belly dancing cache.