I was without an iPod (horrors) for about two weeks and so hadn't been in step with Brenda Dayne's Cast On. Just imagine my surprise when I listened to Episode 22 and heard her dedicate a song to my Sheep in Residence. Not to me, mind you. To Dolores.
Dolores took it all in stride.
"I suppose I should have warned you this might happen," she said. "Le spectacle, c'est moi. There's just something magnetic about me."
"I thought that was static electricity."
"Envy ill becomes you, munchkin," she sniffed. "In any case, Brenda obviously knew of my avant-garde dance career in the mid-seventies and chose to acknowledge it in song."
"Dolores, you were a stripper in a hay bar in Times Square."
"It was site-specific performance art. I was making a comment about the exploitation of livestock by modern agribusiness. I had a grant from the NEA. Did they teach you anything at Harvard or what?"
And now Little Miss Popular even has a mention in the Museum of Kitschy Stitches curated by Stitchy McYarnpants.
"At some point," said Dolores, "I think we may need to discuss the fact that I sleep on a cushion next to the Victrola."
I wonder if Bo Peep had to put up with shit like this?
37 comments:
laughing so hard, (gasp)..choking..
is it wrong that I'm in love with Dolores? I was always too short to be a stripper...erm I mean a performance artist in Montreal
Okay, here's where I draw the line. Sheep pasties? (And not the kind with carrots and diced potatoes.)
Ew.
Whatever you're drinking or smoking, dude, I want some.
(snort)
OMG, another cartoon to be put on a cafepress coffe mug if I ever saw one! we could call this one "shimmy dolores". it would look great with the others.
sweet FSM, you rock!
anne marie in philly
From a member of your fan club:
Dolores, I love you! Shake it, girl.
Watch that gal ....what next pole dancing ? You know what Salome wanted ."A saucy lamb in a minty joint"
My giggle box has exploded! Pasties + Sheep = Loads of woolie excitement
I picture her like the ending scene of the Elvira movie: Mistress of the Dark where she talentedly was able to spin each tassle simutaneously in opposite directions.
I love your style of humor. Thanks for sharing with us over the past year and then some.
Lamb pasties!
You have a Victrola?!
I have been reserving comment, waiting for the perfect moment...and saving my pennies for just the right cafepress item.
Now, the moment has finally arrived, and I have no words.
Except, maybe -- Shake it, shake it baby!
Ooooh...Franklin said "sh!t"!
Now I'M telling your Mother and we'll BOTH be in trouble.
Besides which, when it comes out of a sheep...isn't it poo or manure or something?
The ones that twirl and the ones with carrots and potatoes are pronounced two entirely different ways. Try mis-pronouncing in MI's UP (famous for the baked not twirled variety)and wait for the response from the waitress (person). Did that. Just once.
Bo Peep lived in the pre-blog era, so of course not ;)
I WANT that cartoon on a tee, btw - cafepress it??
*sticks a dollar in Dolores' sequined bra*
OooOOooohhh . . . Dolores, what an exotic scent. Is that Euclan? mmmmm
Mother of God! Give a girl some warning! Now I have to clean Diet Dr. Pepper off of my keyboard.
Hay bar! HAY BAR! *rofl*
Franklin, you and Dolores just made my day. Can't stop laughing - as usual.
I thought the apology to Canadian knitters was a riot... but as a lways, you slay me again. I love you and Dolores...
Knit monkeys cause ever so much less trouble.
Why only two pasties??
I just about spewed my wine; my thanks go to you and Dolores for the greatest laugh. Please, oh please, put this on a cafe press coffee mug? And leave the original title?
Hi Franklin!
Been lurking waaay to loong! I LOVE your blog...so funny and your knitting ain't bad either ;-) BUT, I think Dolores is just a hoot! I just ordered a sassy Dolores t-shirt and hope that her attitude rubs off on me...LOVE IT!!
What is a Victrola?
Thanks for the kicks and giggles!!
Happy Knitting!
Debbie
In the words of David Cassidy.......I think I love you. Franklin, do you ship overseas? I have GOT to get me some Dolores gear.
I wish I had something clever to say, but I don't. Just wanted to say how much I absolutely love reading your blog. Things are haywire in my life right now, and it's delicious to turn to your blog and laugh at Dolores, admire your handiwork and just generally enjoy what you have to say. Thank you. :-)
Sherri
lol - Franklin, you always make me laugh.
Bo Peep ended up a fat spinster with no sheep, however it has never been proved that the lack of wool-producing creatures in her immediate vicinity had anything whatsoever to do with her pink portliness or the fact that she wore a dab of Eu De Mint Sauce behind each ear.
Franklin, you seem to have been making Dolores some "Tit bits."
Naughty Franklin! You KNEW what she would DO with them!!
-Melissa
Oh lord. If you had had her wearing SIX pasties or something I likely would have died on the spot. As it was, I just gigglesnorted quite madly.
Fortunately I spend most of my time alone, so they're not coming to get me yet.
Hi Franklin!
I have a question about getting the 'It itches' cartoon on a mug or plain note cards. How can I contact you?
Lovin' Dolores. She's obviously the black sheep of her family.
snort! (the outburst of laughter, followed by the wiping of coffee off my keyboard, and explanations to co-workers...)
God, I love Dolores! If she ever wans to holiday in Canada - send her up to me - we uppity chicks have to stick together.
OK - when does your book come out? I'll buy it sight unseen! Love you and Dolores?
By the way, didn't I tell you that you'd love The Pallisers?
It seems that many bloggers are bringing out books. How's about Dolores and you? I love your stories and illustrations and I have some disposable income...whatever I don't spend on yarn, that is, so don't get your hopes up too much! Anyway, just a thought. Thanks for brightening my days.
Franklin, I'm trying to create a poll on my blog and Blogger keeps rejecting my code that I'm pulling from freeblogpolls.com. Do you write your own code for Polls or are you pulling it from somewhere?
TIA
wordswitsnwool.blogspot.com
Dolores seems like she is an old compatriot of Mehitabel the cat from the book "Archy and Mehitabel", Dolores is pure witchery! We love her as Mehitabel says, "There's a dance in the old dame yet!"
I think Dolores may be a reincarnation of Mehitabel since Mehitabel claimed to be Cleopatra in a former life and they have a lot in common. Mehitabel said, "wot the hell/ i have had a good time while/ i lasted come easy go easy/ archy thats my motto" A charming cat with a devoted cockroach named archy who types by hitting the keys with his head as he jumps on them, therefore no capitals! (It's by Don Marquis if anybody wants some more laughs). I just love Dolores, you are far to patient with her humors! She's a bit of a tyrant to you Franklin.
ok, that drawing of dolores is just wrong. she's too old to have that stuff hanging out! put on a robe, dolores!
and i refuse to discuss summer wardrobes
It just dawned on me this afternoon that Dolores stole that outfit from Sister Sue's belly dancing cache.
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