Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Rough Night

We've been having a most unusual spring in Chicago. We've been having it now, in April, instead of the more usual month of June. For the past week or so, temperatures have soared and skies have been blue. The startled populace has been wandering about among the tulips, grinning goofily. The one fly in the ointment was Dolores' announcement that on Wednesday morning she would begin hunting for the perfect new bikini.

Our idyll came to an abrupt end last night at about two in the morning. I was in the middle of a terribly interesting dream involving Viggo Mortensen and a pair of leather wrist restraints when suddenly there was a terrific WHUMP! and the whole apartment shook.

From the other room, I heard Dolores mutter groggily, "Whatever that was, I hope it's dead now."

I got up and went to the window. "It" was the north wind. The sky that had been more or less clear was now threatening and full of fast-moving, low-flying clouds. There were breakers on the lake–big ones. It was raining. And the gusts kept coming. WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP!

"Mother Nature is now officially on my shit list," said Dolores, retiring to her cushion and pulling the blanket over her head.

When I came into the living room this morning, Dolores was lying on the couch watching the Weather Channel. A very bright-eyed anchorwoman was explaining that our little taste of February had arrived courtesy of a large air mass sailing down from Canada.

"Fucking Canadians," said Dolores, turning off the television.

"Not nice," I said. "When you're down in the Loop today, could you stop by Field's and pick up some black socks for me?"

"Heh," sniffed Dolores. "You think I'm leaving the apartment in this muck?"



"What about the perfect bikini?"

"I've decided to start shopping this weekend," she said. "They say the weather will have cleared up, plus you can go with me. Mama likes to have somebody to hold her purse. Say, would you mind fluffing my pillow?"

Attention, Mother Nature: You're now on my shit list, too.

17 comments:

Cheryl said...

I've had that same Viggo Mortensen dream...

pacalaga said...

Mmmmm, Viggo....


Sorry, where was I?
Anyway, good luck with that storm. I love the violent ones we get in the fall, and I hope we get some good ones, because your former little home town of Tucson is viciously dry and already well into fire season.

Chicago Jen said...

Yeah. Viggo. and OMG, you are so bloody funny! Thanks for the laugh! I'm up in blustery North Chicago this morning and I'll be covering my plants before retiring tonight as it's supposed to frost.
Down with mother nature! [phhbbbttt!!]

Lady Hendrix said...

2am. Belmont and Racine. Low-flying clouds attempting to steal the cigarette right out of my sleepy fingers. They heard I was neglecting the knitting for the smoking. Here's to spring in Chicago, ornery clouds, and the fortitude that is keeping my windows from shattering.
I am falling in love, quickly, with your blog. Don't tell my husband. He could never live up to subtly perfect grammar and witty sheep.

AngeliasKnitting said...

Ooooh! A dream about Viggo! Really, I just like him as Aragorn - the scruffy, unwashed look works for him.

Sorry to hear about the weather, but, well, it's Chicago! :-)

Aidan said...

Yonkeke -- everyone has had that Viggo and wrist restraints dream. My lovely Myfanwe had a variation where we went on a double date with Viggo and Orlando and did a little wife swapping. I think there was a little elf spanking in the dream, but I couldn't tell you for sure...I was off somewhere with Viggo...um...knitting.

All the Way With Knitting said...

Excellent comments about the very strange tones,cadence of weather presenters speech since we went all ..huh cough American and stopped having meterologists on a comment show here called "Grumpy Old Men"..it is weird and they tell you what to wear like us Mums. .Anyhow all this Greek Dolores for goodness sake girl an R.F.K fan can get blo--y sick of them "Make gentle the sight of this Bikini"..the old eyes have enough of the gap twixt trizzers ( how Prince Charles says Trousers) and tops. Angie

Nelly O (or should that be anonymous for my safety?) said...

Gosh. You'll have to hold TWO purses, then. I've always admired how you can pick out just the right purse for yourself no matter what outfit you're wearing.

Will Pillage For Yarn said...

Mmmmm. Viggo. Please have him bathed, oiled and delivered to my chambers.

Strategically placed blue satin bow optional.

Er. Carry on.

Ted said...

Hmpf. Delores better watch it or this Canadian will be lobbying for a lamb chop dinner when I'm there.

Renee said...

How many tops are on a sheep bikini exactly? If Dolores prefers to go topless - Canada is the place to go....it's legal in Ontario.

Anne said...

I'm just praying that she's not after a bikini with a thong...

Andy said...

I was awake last night for that storm, I live in the Edgewater neighborhood. Working on my last paper for the semester, which is about to end, after which I hope to attend a stitches in britches soon!!

I have to admit, I love a good storm. The power of nature is amazing. (as long as I'm inside).

-Andy

Barbara said...

How long is a scarf?

I looked at the Four Play yarn after your glowing review. But because the stitch pattern in King Charles Brocade didn't show in the Nantucket colorway, I'm doing a scarf in basketweave. The question is, if the giftee is about 5'10", how long is an "accessory scarf" for Atlanta as opposed to a "keep warm scarf" for Chicago. Love you and your blog and Dolores sounds like my kinda' gal!

Lisa said...

Have Dolores try Lands End...they claim to have the perfect suit for any body.

Mel said...

Apparently I'm the only one who HASN'T had the Viggo dream. Mine last night involved a lot of odd Spanish women - very "Women on the Verge" - and all I wanted was to be with David folding clothes.

Fortunately for Dolores, as a sheep she'll only need the bikini bottom to cover all her bits.

Ann said...

Well, that explains the freakin' snow on the road in Ballietsville on Monday morning!

We're a couple hours east.

Not nice, Mother Nature!