Tuesday, April 11, 2006

How to Have Fun with Your Spinning Wheel

Step One.
Consult expert friends regarding the proper lubrication of spinning wheels. Learn that 30 grade motor oil is the way to go.
Step Two.
Call your father, the mechanic, and ask him where one goes to buy motor oil. He will admit this is not a question he ever expected to hear from you.
Step Three.
At your father's suggestion, pay a visit to the little hardware store in your neighborhood.
Step Four.
Ask Miguel (whose coveralls, you note, fit like a kid glove) if they perchance have 30 grade motor oil for sale.
Step Five.
Miguel will say he's not sure there's "30" in stock, but they may have an equivalent. He will ask you what sort of car you're dealing with.
Step Six.
Tell Miguel you want the oil for your, um, spinning wheel.
Step Seven.
After repeating the words "spinning wheel" eleven times and attempting to communicate in mime, draw picture of spinning wheel for Miguel.
Step Eight.
Reassure Miguel that no, he is not being "Punk'd."
Step Nine.
Ponder how peaceful life must be for people with normal hobbies.
Step Ten.
Purchase your bottle of 30 grade motor oil and thank Miguel for his kind assistance. When he suggests that in return you should knit him a hat, tell him you'll think about it if the store would consider carrying a full selection of niddy noddies and orifice hooks.
Step Eleven.
Remember too late that one should never to make fiber-related jokes around the uninitiated.
Step Twelve.
Calculate how long it will be before you can comfortably shop in that hardware store again. If ever.

31 comments:

Cheryl said...

if you search for SPINNING WHEELS on Ebay it will give you all kinds of spinning WHEELs for on cars, so Miquel was probably doubly confused --

Toni said...

Orifice hooks, huh? Too funny!

Even I, a knitter/crocheter/cross-stitcher, would have given you a funny look over that one. You spinners get all the cool tools!

pacalaga said...

orifice hooks sound like something out of a Vlad the Impaler biography.

Ragnar said...

It's just not fair. If you were having a plumbing problem you could ask for a "nipple" with not a blink. Or if you were doing a little cabinetry you could request a "sex bolt." But if all you want is an orifice hook, everyone looks at you funny. It's hard to be a spinner.

Wonder what Miguel thinks of when he thinks of a Niddy Noddy.

Leslie said...

You can go back to the hardware store and ask for a Flat Bastard. They will give you a file that is not curved.

Linda said...

Sometimes it is expedient to lie, in the interests of being able to use that shop again.

rene said...

Of course, leslie, if you ask for Fat Bastard, you'll get a bottle of wine. Although now that I think about it, probably not at the hardware store.

Once in art school, we did a painting on a plank of wood. I had to go to Home Depot to get, and the guy who cut it to my specs kept trying to ask me what I was building. When I said I was painting, I think he was thinking "frame."

Susan said...

Goodness, I just snorted water out my nose laughing. Sounds like conversation s I have with my husband about spinning, although they sound pretty much the same going the other way when he discusses dune buggys.

Norma said...

And of course you could ask for a ballcock without him even lifting an eyebrow. But I'm really wondering why you thought twice about knitting him a hat...especially if his overalls fit as well as you say...

Adele said...

If Miguel was cute, at Step Ten you could have invoked my friend Monica's rule: she only knits for people she's currently sleeping with.

Allison said...

I guess having a mechanic for a father rubbed off. It never occurred to me to try a hardware store for spinning wheel lubricant -- I went straight to the sewing machine repair shop (possibly because it was a couple of blocks closer) and got sewing machine oil.

(Yes, of course, I realize no one manufactures oil exclusively for sewing machines. But it was cheap, came in a nifty pointy-nosed dispenser, and side-stepped both the mentality- and language-barriered obstacles that loomed large...)

Ted said...

Do you mean my hobbies are not normal!?

Wait'll you have to replace the drive band...

Janice in GA said...

I've had lots of trouble with Step 11 too. It's sad when you say something really witty and are met with totally blank looks.

--Deb said...

6, 9, and 12 were particularly funny--obviously, you're very good at multiples of 3 . . .

the fiddlin' fool said...

God bless the good folks with strange hobbies! Lord knows I'm the first in line.

sal the spider said...

Best thing I ever found for oiling the ole' wheel is Gun Lubricant - much nicer than oil and cleans out old oil too. Depends if you go for the kinda "Gung-ho" gunshop guy look!! :-)

Holly @Home said...

Oh God I needed that after being burnt to death on a U.K handknitters site ..that was so funny .I would have said a sewing machine shop would have finer oil maybe less likely to stain the fibres ? Miquel sounds nice ..as we don't have a car we never go near garages ...can't say the guys I have seen sound too good.

Holly @Home said...

eeerrrr that is "look too good" ..not a good day as Sal could testify !

Yvonne said...

(snicker)

marie in florida said...

franklin, you're all right by me; some of my father's hobbies; bee keeping; boat building, model railroads; dentistry; old film and projectors; amature radio ; quarter midget car racing building and driving, and a host of come and go hobbies.
so when i began to knit he said "i already know how to do that" . it was normal 60 years ago for young'uns to learn the distaff arts and should be again.
normal and fun.

Lee Ann said...

Marie's father had dentistry as a hobby?

That's one guy I'd never let near me with a pair of needlenosed pliers, that's for sure....

If you search for spinning wheels on eBay (why, yes, I did, even though I have two coming to me in about two weeks...what's your point?) you'll also find fab fake diamond-encrusted watches with spoked-wheel tops that actually spin. Would be a nice compliment to a chest medallion, non? (shudder)

FiberQat said...

Don't get me started on electrical parts and male and female...

That's interesting that you were sent to a hardware store instead of to a sewing machine place. It would be interesting to see which place sold the oil for less, though. That would explain going to the hardware store instead if they sold it for less, since it wouldn't be a "specialty" item.

Perhaps Miguel needs a demonstration of a spinning wheel to show the wonderful mechanics of this engine.

Julie said...

My wheel requires only vaseline for lubrication. I wonder what your dad would say. I wonder what Miguel would say!

Ted said...

I'm with Julie on petroleum jelly as lube. (For spinning wheels!) Very easy to buy; easy to apply (unless you have some weirdly designed wheel -- sorry, Mar); won't spill if the top comes off; doesn't splatter if you use too much; doesn't drip; inexpensive.

Lanea said...

[begin sixth-grade voice] You said orifice hook! Baaaahahahahah! {end sixth grade voice]

Julie said...

You know. This orfice hook thing is reminding me of tales the hubby tells about sending the new guy in the shop out for a hundred yards of fallopian tubing.

Faith said...

That's too funny! The tip about where to get oil was quite helpful. Now I won't have to ask MY dad. =)

Did you recently knit a zig-zaged pair of socks? My friend who reads your blog all the time thought you did. If so, what pattern did you use?

faithad@gmail DOT com

David said...

Oh you.

Fyberduck said...

can't... stop... laughing

Kris said...

Franklin, thanks so much for the laugh. I really needed it!

EmilyG said...

Hi!

I know this comment is late, but I'm a late-lurker reading back-entries. This reminded me of a song by Brady Earnhart, a folk singer-songwriter I love. If you're interested, check out the mp3 link for "Car Repair," track #8 on "Manalapan." http://www.bradyearnhart.com/songs.html

Hope you enjoy! Thanks for the wonderful entertainment!

Emily