By the time I reached the office I was a budding maniac. Apparently, today is Get Franklin Day in the Chicagoland area. Or at least, Keep Franklin From Reaching the Office Without Smacking Somebody Day.
Since at some point a court-ordered therapist is going to ask me to do this anyhow, here's a little chart showing all the lovely people I encountered, and what I imagined doing to each of them.
|Slow-moving woman in platform sandals who made me miss my train...again||Clocked with left shoe|
|Man smoking stogie under "NO SMOKING" sign on platform||Forced to eat large bowl of Virginia Slims|
|Woman in otherwise quiet train car having loud, angry 20-minute conversation about ear-piercing with daughter via cell phone||Shaved bald|
|Perky, preppy summer school girls who decided to stop and chat during morning rush hour, blocking only stairs down from train station||Teeth ripped out, made into stylish necklaces|
|University department which rendered adjacent sidewalk impassable with lawn sprinklers||Bulldozed, replaced with Pizza Hut|
|Pushy man handing out flyers for local bagel emporium, screaming loudly and blocking narrow sidewalk||Fed to sharks|
|Expensively dressed North Shore mother with double-wide SUV stroller containing whining twins who spit fruit punch onto my boots (mother's reaction: laughter)||Made to watch one "Rugrats" epsiode in endless loop while being shot with super-soaker full of Juicy Juice|
What I actually did, of course, was nothing.
At least the baby scarf looks nice.