Wednesday, May 25, 2005

To C


Memorial Day used to be something I looked forward to, as most folks do. It meant the beginning of my favorite season, three days away from work, every so often a road trip or other adventure.

Unfortunately, it's now the anniversary of the apex (or nadir, depending on one's point of view) of my relationship with Mr. Ex, the point at which the things he did to me landed me in the hospital for several days.

This is one anniversary I do my best not to observe, but my body still feels it acutely and for the week or so beforehand I have terrible nightmares, insomnia, and an all-pervading sense of dread and unease.

But this post isn't about that, it's about C, the fellow who seems to have an effortless, perhaps even unconscious, way of scattering the dark clouds. He doesn't even have to say or do anything. His presence is enough.

I don't think I'm a bad writer, but I've never been any good at poetry. So here instead I'm quoting Heinrich Heine. Schumann set these lines to music and in doing so created one of my favorite songs.* But even without the melody, they hit the emotional bull's eye for me today.

Sorry if this makes you blush, C. But then, that's sort of the point. Forgive my very clumsy translation.

Du bist wie eine Blume,
So hold und schön und rein;
Ich schau' dich an,
Und Wehmut schleicht mir ins Herz hinein.

Mir ist, als ob ich die Hände
Aufs Haupt dir legen sollt',
Betend, dass Gott dich erhalte
So rein und schön und hold.

You are like a flower,
So pure, and beautiful, and fair;
I look at you,
And bittersweet emotion fills my heart.

It seems to me that I must
Lay my hands upon your head,
And pray that God will keep you always
So pure, and beautiful, and fair.

*You can hear a very good recording of it, by the legendary Lotte Lehmann, here.


Jon said... wonderful! I'm speechless. You are so lucky to have found a man so capable of making you feel so wonderful. Very lucky, indeed.

birdfarm said...

Now you made me cry.

I'm so so glad that you are with C. I love him for making you feel this way. I hope we can meet him soon.

You wrote: "...effortless, perhaps even unconscious, way of scattering the dark clouds. He doesn't even have to say or do anything. His presence is enough."

Joel and I were talking (well, emailing) about this recently.

How, when we were all younger, we used to talk and talk when we wanted to comfort someone, and how we used to find that talk comforting.

How, after all the darkness and light of the last ten years, all the words start to seem futile and almost silly; instead, we find that the truest comfort is the presence of someone who really loves us.

Bittersweet emotion indeed.

C is for Comfort said...

Right back atcha, kiddo. Thanks for the extra blush in my smile.

goblinbox said...

I'm very sorry you have to endure Hell Week every May. It will ease, no doubt.

And... wow. That's so gorgeous. I'm glad you have your C., to make you feel that way. You've nearly made me cry.

Buzz said...

Good for you pumpkin :)

markknitz said...

yea!!! reading this really touched me and gave me hope.

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