Thursday, July 12, 2012


Young knitters often stop me on the street* and ask, "Franklin, how do you determine whether or not a person ought to get a knitted gift or a store-bought gift?"

My personal rule for deciding this couldn't be simpler. I ask myself these two questions regarding the potential recipient:
  1. Are you a close blood relation with whom I am on speaking terms?
  2. Are you providing me with high-quality free sex on a regular basis?

If the the answer to either question** is "yes," then I will consider knitting a gift.

So often, though, the confused young knitter confesses that he or she finds these criteria insufficient, and asks for further clarification. To that end, I have prepared the following chart. Unlike me, it is available for consultation twenty-four hours a day, every day; and you will never stop it to ask it questions when it is horribly late for an important meeting or, frankly, just needs to get home and pee.


*Not really.
**I hasten to reassure the gentle reader that the answer to both questions is never "yes."


Handmade by Stefanie said...

I will have to print this out to consult on a daily (if not hourly) basis. Thanks for your wisdom and insight, as always!

RubyC said...

It has been said - print this out to consult on a regular basis and I think that is great advice. I love it.

engineerknitter said...

Wonderful advice. I just hate to see items that I have knit people that I care about shrunk, given to the family pet, etc. This is a great reference to use. Thanks for your wisdom.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that a baby item will endure what babies do. Always a consideration.

steven a. said...


Anonymous said...

I've just knit my second pair of Olympic socks for an actual Olympian, a friend of mine--though only an acquaintance prior to the first pair of socks. About 18 months after those games (2008 Olympics), we were standing in freezing cold together at a competiton (we do the same sport, but I'm at Adult Weenie level) and I happened to point out that the reason her hat looked stupid was that she had machine washed it and thereby felted it. But then I hastily added, "those socks I made you are super wash, so they could actually go into a washing machine." She replied, "DUH. I had to do a special load last night to have them ready for today."

These are people you can knit for again, regardless of the lack of sex, free, high-quality, or otherwise.

Kristy said...

I'm thinking if the answer to both questions is yes, one would have more pressing considerations than what one may or may not be knitting.

Marcia said...

One of those signs that was going around on Facebook a while ago said: "Knitting is like sex. If I like you and you appreciate it, it is free. Other than that, you can't pay me enough."

troy and christina said...

Very amusing! And I have to ask about the logic at the end. I don't see why there are arrows to "buy" and "knit" from both "hell no" and "well...ok" Shouldn't the "hell no" just go to "buy" and the "well...ok" just go to "knit"? Otherwise the whole chart still comes down to you making a decision at the end. Or is that the final joke?

-not afraid to ask

Lou said...

I will knit for my sister, her hubby, and 2 friends who often supply me with yarn (and therefore know what good yarn costs). Other than those 4, all gifts are purchased.

vin triste said...

I have a rule about any kind of hand-made gift. If I have made someone a handmade gift that they failed to acknowledge appropriately, for time and memoriam they shall receive gift cards.

Anonymous said...

Your first two criteria are why my husband never gets a handknit.

janetcc said...

took me a minute to get the **, but made me LOL, which doesn't happen that often lately. Thanks.

MerryBrown said...

How I love thee Franklin, let me count the ways:
Oops, no time for the whole list, just have to say the double ** simply fabulous! Made me snort with laughter. No easy feat.

MerryBrown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cathy Johnson said...

Great advice! I don't knit for relatives anymore unless by request. I do still knit for baby showers - for someone I really care about. Other than that I knit purely for pleasure or for charity.

Angela Hockabout at Knit Luck said...

That is way too long to fit on a t-shirt. However, it might be a smart idea to print it out on 8.5 x 11 to hand out to casual acquaintances when they ask me whether I'll knit something for them.

EmEm said...

I agree with Marcia. Great chart Franklin, but I wouldn't expect anything less. Are you working on anything new for someone who is knit-worthy?

Lynne said...

Love it! I rarely hand make for anyone I know. I need to be sure they will appreciate it enough to both use it and look after it!

Jenny said...

Thank you Franklin!
This gives me extra ammo in my new resolution to knit more for myself (up until now I've gifted almost twice as many things as I've knit for myself). No more guilt over feeling that because I'm capable of knitting a gift I should knit a gift.

Agree with others that the ** was hilarious!

Pat Salvatini said...

As much as I love the graphic, I love the copyright notation at the bottom even more. Well said Franklin!

Michele Eskew said...

If I feel the need to knit for someone else I usually knit dishcloths... :) Although I have knit for a few of my relatives. I agree with someone who posted about getting a thank you.

Anonymous said...

If I didn't think this was a joke it would make me so sad :-(
If you are a friend of mine, the chances are you own, or will soon own, something I've knitted. Not a good friend, or close friend, just a friend...
Mind you, I almost NEVER buy new yarn. I buy from charity shops or very heavily discounted, so maybe I can be a bit less precious.

washi said...

Rules to live by...from now on, only (1) siblings and their children and (2) hubby are eligible to receive my knitted masterpieces. My mom and younger sis will get yarn as they knit better than me :p

Great post Franklin!

roxie said...

How big and complicated is the knitted item? I can churn out a stocking cap during a movie. It takes two nights of TV watching to make a scarf. A whole cable-knit or Faire Isle sweater is another thing entirely. And unless you have given me a kidney you are not getting lace.

Evil Kitten-chan said...

Other criteria to consider too:
1. are they crafty and can thus appreciate all the hours you are going to put into the knitted item
2. how likely are they to handwash their gift

I'm very lucky, I have a good group of friends who are all horribly suspicious of putting their knitted socks into the washing machine, superwashing or no. And they fawn over them in amazement so very well too:)

Evil Kitten-chan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pam Sykes (aka Pretty Knitty) said...

Hahahahaha! I am going to print a small copy to keep with me AT ALL TIMES! Thanks for the insight...or reminder, however this applies to each of your readers!

JenSmall said...

I always like to make something knitted for new babies, I think the babies deserve it. But, I do have an additional scales that might be helpful. It is harsh but effective. How good a friend/close a relative is it? 1. Hat, 2. Baby sweater, 3. Blanket (no larger than 30 by 30 for goodness sakes!). Telling the truth to myself and separating out the hat friends from the blankie friends has been this knitter's salvation.

Leandra said...

This is so true! Although I would extend the "do they knit?" squares to "do they do any sort of handcrafting?"

I traded a hat/fingerless mitts/scarf set to a friend of mine who does woodworking as a hobby, and in return he gave me a gorgeous handmade umbrella swift.

Patti said...

Well said! Very few people get my handknits, and your chart has made it very clear why!

Toni said...

I couldn't read the flow chart on my Android at home, so just looked at it during lunch at work. Is there any chance you'll have it made into a poster? I would definitely buy a copy!!!

=Tamar said...

Troy and Christina at 9:45 - The two questions are coded with different colors. The green arrows come from one question, the blue ones from another. Follow the colored arrows to the answer.

Anonymous said...

I love the chart! Thank you.

Peg in Kensington, California said...

I love the chart. I knit a replacement baby/toddler hat for a friend who had lost the first when she asked. Why, you say? The child and then next one had worn the other hat for 2.5 years. She complimented me on how well it fit as compared to everything else. She then said that "alas, it had been lost." I actually knit her two hats. A ball of quivit actually showed up as a thank you.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, but I'm confused.
It looks like you can answer the question "Would yarn be a better gift?" or the one about the impromptu dog/cat/iguana somnolence with either answer of "hell no" or "well, okay" and still get the either/or options of buy or knit.

Meghan said...

I love this! I re-posted it (with links and credit) on my blog. (

Unknown said...

I need to put that up on my office wall!!!

maybe it will help my little knitting business :o)

Natalie Servant said...

This is wonderful and I'll have to print a copy for my LYS's bulletin board. It'll settle some discussions!

Kim said...

Hilarious!! I usually just knit what I want and then try to figure out someone to pawn it off on. I guess that speaks to the quality of my knitting, though. :)

Unknown said...

Wah! Where was this 2 years ago when DH asked me to knit something for his close relative? She, by the way, gave it back to me this past x-mas. Could've saved myself some wasted knitting time.

Judy Loves Daisies said...

Just found your blog and this great scheme. I think the questions are perfect. I also do not make handmade for anyone who hasn't asked for one directly. DH hasn't asked so he wears store-bought socks while my son's girlfriend luxuriates in a silk blend in her fave color.
And how good is Angels and Insects? Not well known, but a great! movie.

Bluesky said...

This is great, i used to do this for a living in a past life it is so much to see it being used for something fun thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Love! But my question is, why is there an arrow from "" to "would yarn be a better gift?"? The only way to get to "" is from answering that none of the recipients knit and they've never asked for a piece of knitting. Why would yarn ever be a better gift in those circumstances? Shouldn't "" go straight to "BUY" 100% of the time? :)

Lori said...

Have to admit those are my basic qualifications too. Also applies to homemade Christmas cookies.

Anonymous, too said...

The dog/cat/iguana question needs a couple subroutines coming off it. One would be off the "Well, OK" and would ask "Do you like working with machine-washable yarns (even acrylic)?" "Yes" from that would lead to "KNIT" while "No" would lead to "BUY".

I'm not sure where to fit "Would they (the recipient) mind if your dog/cat/iguana/ferret/parrot has already slept/peed on it?"

=Tamar said...

"Would yarn be a better gift?" -> follow the green lines for the answers.

"Dog/cat/iguana"-> follow the blue lines for the answers.

"" could imply that they might be conned into learning to knit, therefore buying yarn might work.

Liz said...

Agreed on all counts (as long as you extend the "blood relatives" definition to embrace "knitting family")...

Mosaic Magpie said...

I have a friend I have made things for in the past. She once asked, why I had not made something for another friend....the answer, some people are not worth it. I create for those I love.

Melanie said...

yeah ... no more knitters guilt. :)))
cotton ginnie studio (etsy) the bird house blog ~ Mel

OPKnitter said...

My criteria are somewhat different:
Is this a pattern or yarn you really, really want to knit?
Yes - Why aren't you already knitting?
No - Why bother?
Is is something you would use or wear?
Yes - Get out the needles.
No - then
Do you know someone who would use or wear it?
Yes - Ok, start knitting.
No - then
Would it be appropriate for a charity donation?
Yes - You know the answer.
No - Why on earth do you want to knit/knit with this?

Truth be told, I knit for others far more often than I knit for myself, but only because the project is something I want to knit.

OPKnitter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JoAnn said...

I would dearly love to be able to pay you for your genius and the time you spend sharing with total strangers, but alas, there never seems to be a link to PayPal so that I can do so. Aside from this flowchart there is a colored-in (by me with highlighters) printing of your spiders discussing Barbara Walker's pernicious influence on web spinning. Make an honest woman of me, please, Franklin.

Sherrill said...

Great post.

Anonymous said...

Lol! I just finished knitting a blanket for a wedding gift, but I haven't wrapped it yet. I'm having a hard time letting it go because I don't want it ruined by the washer or worse. If I had listened to you, I could have saved the anguish and just bought them something.

Anonymous said...

Thoroughly entertaining article.

Really, I think you hit pay dirt with your question "Have they ever asked for a piece of your knitting". Just to be safe, I think the recipient should have to ask multiple times to be sure of their sincerity! =)

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Lee in Iowa said...

Driving into Cedar Rapids this morning to pick up the Sunday NY Times I heard on NPR that the Green Party has nominated a candidate for President. When will the Fibertarians have their convention? I have some vacation time coming and would like to request the time off so I can attend!

cordelia said...

love it. on a totally unrelated note, I friended you on facebook just in case you could help find my missing butch girlfriend. I couldn't find a way to PM you, so that's all I could do. I'm trying to mobilize all my Chicago community.

Pamela said...

Love it. My criteria are a little different:

Does the person know the amount of effort involved? If no, then buy.

Does the person appreciate hand crafted items? If no, then buy.

I made my great-nephew a beautiful sweater and hat when he was born in October. I have yet to see him in it, even in photos. I made an afghan for my daughter's band directors shower. I saw the child with the afghan 3 years later - strings dangling off it. Her mother was so embarrased, but I told her it was the highest praise to have an item so loved.

Nancy said...

No doubt you are considering this, but the chart is begging to be printed on tote bags or T-shirts that you can sell.
I recently lost my favorite person, the perfect recipient, to knit for--my 23-year-old size 6 completely hip niece, graduate of RISD--to Texas. Too hot for wool there, alas.

Anonymous said...

For me, deciding to knit a gift is a much bigger decision than crocheting one. I'll churn out potholders and other little cute crocheted stuff, but knitting requires more attention. So unless you're prepared to paint a portrait of my face on the hood of your car upon receiving my knitted gift, I'm probably not going to count you worthy.

Anonymous said...

You neglected to mention an entry on my (short) list of whom to knit for:

Friends with beach houses and welcome mats!

kathy b said...

ugh oh I better rethink my current work in progress' recipient!! Thanks!

littleredca said...

I wish I could share this flowchart with my friends who pester me about hand knit gifts. There are several whom I love dearly but would, frankly, suck ass at caring for said hand knit gift and I would be devastated to discover it has been felted in the washer, peed on by the dog, etc.

ThePracticalKnitter said...

MY strategy on knitting for other people: I knit them something (often small) and then do the same for me, but without the bunch of mistakes I make in the first try ;) I know it's bitchy, but works for me!

Anonymous said...

Franklin, I have put a big, fat, link to your chart.

Lot of love,

Fiona MacBride

Liz said...

I've printed off your chart and stuck it on my kitchen wall for all to enjoy. Fortunately, my 20-something kids have been "trained" in the wearing and caring of wool, as well as the knitting. I'm waiting to see when they decide that I'm "knitworthy"!

Susan said...

Hysterical! I love waking up to a good laugh. Followed the link here from Celebrate Life!

Meg said...

Franklin, I loved your article about Iceland in VK. That photo of the Granny Smith green plotulopi (sp?) was tantalizing. The photo of the first Parliament building amazed me, along with your comment that it's a great plate to see the north Atlantic ridge! Thanks for the article.

Nick said...

Printed & laminated & stuck on the wall. THANKS.

Anonymous said...

Perfect! and hysterical.

Anonymous said...

Great chart! To keep me from feeling underappreciated, I knit a great deal of hats/blankets for charity. That way, I am always knitting and enjoy the delusion that my gifts are well cared for, appreciated and enjoyed by someone in need. Yes, delusions are a good thing.

Anonymous said...

Delores? Harry? What have you dont with Franklin?

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Helen said...

Lovely! Very good advice as per usual. I'm *really* writing to say a big "Congratulations" on the new Lion Brand Yarn column. Now if you could only style and photograph their various model garments.....they commit SO many YARN CRIMES......::::sigh:::::

Laia said...

What ever happened to the 1000 knitters project?

LeslieD said...

What ever happened to Franklin?? :-((

K-Mac said...

I think you should make this available on T-shirts, magnets, and other such Cafe Press type thingies.

K-Mac said...

I have another problem. What if you're from Kentucky and the first two questions you mention in the blog entry (but not the chart) are true for the same person? Would that mean automatic knitting goodies for that person?

Anonymous said...

We haven't heard from you in over a month! We miss you, Franklin!

Trish said...

Dear Mr. Habit:

Please sir, may we have more?
It's been days, weeks, and near months!


Agen Sbobet said...

I will have to print this out to consult on a daily (if not hourly) basis. Thanks for your wisdom and insight, as always!

=Tamar said...

June 17, July 12, it is now August 21, you're overdue even for you...
I hope all is well and you are just having such a great time you're too busy to post.

Creon Styx said...

Per your other posts, are you having another case of the Mean Reds? It's fine, just get some tea and pretty things and yarn. Or if life's really got you by the hooks, get a new pair of boots.

CeltChick said...

I printed off the flowchart & have it hanging at my desk. I <3 you so much! My daughter wants us to go to Iceland so we can always be within 10 feet of a knitter....

cinmar11 said...

Have you been taken hostage by Dolores? Does she have you wrapped up in wool? Is asking for a ransom? Does she want dancing men or alcohol? Let us know so that we, your adoring fans, may help to bring you back to the blog.

Agen 338a said...

I am continually looking online for posts that can facilitate me. Thank you!

Lou said...

Nearly 2 months since last post. Has the Black Dog been sitting outside you door?

LeslieD said...

I just hope you're ok...

Anonymous said...

Aloha....where you stay, bruddah? You coming back?

Jennifer said...

How about a quick note Mr. Habit to just let us know you are OK. We are worried about you...

Anonymous said...

I checked all the hospitals, and police reports, but nothing. I even typed in Google "Where in the World is Franklin Habit" and got some stuff, but nothing recent. HAVE YOU DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH MAN???!! ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?? How about a post that just says "Leave Me Alone You Crazy Knitter People!!!"

Evalyn said...

Dear Mr. Habit;

Please come back to us. We are sorry for what we did, whatever it was.

Dear Harry;

That's all, just Dear Harry.

Dear Delores;

Get ahold of ewerself and let Franklin out of the basement. We need to hear from him.

A. Fan

SarahSeattle said...

I second notes of concern. We want you to feel loved and supported, not guilty. Be well.

anitaDK said...

Franklin - it's my first time here so thanks for the laugh, but mostly, thanks for showing me that I am not the only person in the world having those "wheater or not to give knitted or crocheted gift" thoughts.
Anita in Denmark

Joan said...

Are we still blogworthy? :). Miss you!

Beth said...

Dearest Franklin,
I would like to echo the concern of my fellow readers. We miss you.

A fan in Indianapolis

LindaWD said...

Franklin - Are you OK?? Blink once for yes, twice for no. Come back, we miss you!!

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Marja in Europe said...

Franklin, are you there ? (Waves hand in front of Franklin's face)
Franklin ?

Anonymous said...

I am worried about you. Where have you been? I miss you!!

Anonymous said...

it looks like I am not the only one that misses you. Come back, please.
Dolores-Harry- bring him back!

Susanne said...

Where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu??????????????????????????????????????

Susanne said...

Where are you??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Irrelevant said...

Has Dolores finally kidnapped you? Are you stuffed in a closet, deprived of yarn (and computer) and being forced to watch bad eighties movies? What has happened to you?

HarpTonya said...

Dear Franklin - we do miss you so very much, but hope you are taking gentle care of yourself. We wait patiently for your return, whenever you are ready.

With many positive thoughts and prayers ....

Meg said...

Dear Franklin, Glad to see I'm not the only one worried about you. I hope all is well and you will return soon. (I also suspect Delores, but was afraid to say so because she might come looking for me next.)

With warm thoughts and best wishes, Meg

Anonymous said...

Franklin! some judicious web surfing tells me you're going to be in London in lucky dog! Have a wonderful Londonishness visit....but please don't forget your Faithful Fans...just a short posting, please?? Just so we know you're OK and revving up for a great trip.

I have absolute faith in Harry behaving Himself if he's going with you.

If you need a place to park Dolores...mi casa es Dolores casa...just give me some notice so I can coordinate with the local authorities. I live in a small college town and have neighbors who don't turn a hair at student craziness. How bad can Dolores be?

Hmmmmmmm am rethinking offer. Better grab it while it's still on the table!!

Lee in Iowa

Anonymous said...

OK, now I'm worried too. Hope all is fine. Please let us know.

Julie Delves said...

I am with the above comments. You okay? Take care and cheers, Julie.

Anonymous said...

I hope your absence means you have fallen madly in love and been whisked away to some island paradise where they have no internet and no need for yarn but have a staggering amount of yarn nonetheless.

Heather said...


Anonymous said...

Although I can "see" you on facebook, I miss the blog. Hope you will grace us here again. I just came across my "Sheepish Grins" t shirt in the closet. Still love it. Thank you thank you. granjudy

Leigh said...

The Madrona people say you'll be there again, so you must not have *quite* fallen off the earth. I'm guessing a fabulous book deal and all the accompanying work. Hope you're well, and see you at Madrona.
That Crazy Lady who Accosted you For a Celeb Pic Outside the Hotel Elevators. :)

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know what happened to Franklin?

Amy S. said...

I really miss this blog!

Anonymous said...

Oh Franklin, I have just found the pineapple purse. And I am in love with it. It will be my next project. Thank you so much. And I really enjoy your blog. You make me laugh. I may not be laughing any more after I actually start the purse, but I just must do it. Without beads, though.

RoianaB said...

Well, I can tell you he is going to be in North Texas in the spring to teach at the DFW Fiber Fest because it was just announced about a week ago and I am waiting to sign up for a spot.

But Franklin, if your out there, that is a long time to wait for a dose of your charm and wit. Please post something for us......

Sarah Elizabeth said...

Franklin? I miss you!

Matt, Michelle, Danica and Morgan said...

sooo... can't find anywhere else on the blog to contact you. I would LOVE to buy a 'Men with Yarn' calendar for 2013, but it doesn't look like they exist. Can you make one for 2014 and make us all happy so we can buy it? Thanks!!

Anonymous said...

Dear [name redacted],

When you sent me the photo of your cat wrapped in the luscious silk and wool cowl that I knit for you, you guaranteed that you would not receive handknits from me again.

Your knitting friend,

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You can find some good program related and math related flowchart examples in creately diagram community.

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