Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Proof That No Matter How Bad It Is, Knitting Makes It Better

Smell

Counting

Inspiration

Moment

Tree

Mittens

Stare

Ears

Sweater

Sweet

147 comments:

JelliDonut said...

Thank you for making me feel less queasy about Twilight. I think.

Zombie Queen said...

LMAO This is wonderful! Thanks for the laugh :)

Lynne said...

Franklin, this is the best thing. Ever.

chefvb said...

*snort* (from a knitting Twi-hard). :-)

knittergran said...

Fun!!!
And by the way, do you like Malabrigo???

Emily said...

You regret writing about Star Trek?? Oh my goodness, did I miss something? That was awesome.

And I'm thrilled beyond speech that you deigned to give us another post so soon.

Laurel said...

Ha! I have not seen the movies nor read the books but now I feel I know all that I need to know.

Anonymous said...

You are SOOOO sick and twisted!
I really like that in a person!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing the good parts since there was no way in hell I was going to see this. Of course, if they really show Alice Starmore getting eaten I may have to go.
Penny

Danielle said...

Haha - made me laugh. Great stuff.

Steph said...

I just enjoyed my lunch break so much more because of this post. LOVE.

Yvonne said...

I laughed SO HARD.

theyarnstashisattacking said...

Wow. This is better than showing up at the Twilight premiere with a vuvuzela.

Mary deB said...

I saw the first movie on an airplane after a March Break holiday. One earphone in, one ear listening to kids, husband, etc; one eye on tiny screen, one eye on knitting, oh, and the other eye on kids, husband etc. So, actually, I have no idea what it was about. Thanks for clarifying the whole thing for me!

Norskybear said...

I love you.

Lars (of Team Jacob)

Deb said...

Now I"m craving some Malabrigo!

Marie said...

Laughing, still laughing, and more snickering.
As a YA librarian I've had more than my fair share of exposure to the Twilight Saga, and I enjoy your take on it more than most!

Kai Jones said...

Hilarious! And actually Bella's mittens are gorgeous, I've been thinking of knitting them.

Polly Hoover said...

Absolutely bril!!

janet said...

The tags are as funny as the post. Thanks for the pick-me up!

YogaNan knits, too... said...

Someone has a serious Malabrigo habit! ooh, sorry, groan...those puns just slip out...

HipDroppedStitches said...

Perfect! Thank you!

stephcuddles said...

Erm, LOL! And I never use that phrase :D

Kristen said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I love you so much!

ali said...

I thought I didn't like the Twilight series because I'm an old fart.

Thank for confirming for me that I'd rather be knitting

Marissa said...

LMAO- thanks for the laugh, I needed it today :-)

Klingtocash said...

Love this!

Jolene said...

OK, this just made my day, possibly my year!

kelly said...

I love you. Please breed.

rosemary said...

I already loved you, but now I love you even more! This is beyond funny!

m4mitchell said...

Crap! Crap! I wasn't planning on seeing the movie because Twilight fans are INSANE and the protagonist is an idiot, but I have to admit that the cast of the movie are insanely hot. #*R$%^*&^*# now I kind of want to go see it. :(

livnletlrn said...

I kid you not. I *just* got home from seeing this movie w/ my kids, including a squealing 12 y.o. girl.

Your timing is impeccable.

Bgstoner said...

LOL
It is very true that knitting makes all things better.
Thank you very much dear.
:)

Beverly said...

Fabulous! Simply Fabulous!

debd94 said...

Thank you for giving me a laugh on a tough Wednesday!

Ladona said...

Has anyone ever told you that you have a Malabrigo fetish?

subliminalrabbit said...

you just made my day!

Sadie said...

This actually makes me glad I just read Twilight for book group, as if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have found this half as hilarious as I do!

RoxanneZYG said...

LMAO! Thanks for the giggle - needed it today! :)

Bonnita said...

You didn't say this post was a spoiler!

lilfish said...

that's is fantastic. Thank you for the giggles. :)

patricia said...

Thanks for the laughs!

Quite clever.

SusieQ100 said...

I think you have a little(?) Malabrigo obsession!!

I love the way you make me laugh! Thanks!

Epenthetical said...

Drat it, now I have to add Malabrigo to my yarn shopping list. I've discovered that the Twilight movies really go best, for me, with lots of alcohol, but knitting would probably help, too.

KPiep said...

You just totaly made my day!

Gretchen said...

You've seen this, right?
http://oxymoronassoc.livejournal.com/462027.html#cutid1

The part where Edward has taken up knitting and makes a sweater with no head hole for Emmett is just hilarious, as are all the scrapbooking jokes.

dawn s said...

I think I am inspired to make all the Twilight knits on Ravelry in Malabrigo.

Ina said...

ROFL! Knitting DOES make it better! MMMMMMalabrigo!!!

Sara M said...

You just made me scare my coworkers, I was cackling so loudly.

Cathy said...

You're a better script writer than the Twilight team ----'nuff said.

Michelle said...

OMG! This was a great laugh for the day!

woolandchocolate said...

What a hoot!

Tamara said...

OMG that was awesome. Thanks for the laughs!!!!

Leigh said...

Thanks for the excellent satire! I am currently on a wait list for Nightlight: a parody by Harvard Lampoon at the library where I work. I think you'd like it, too!

Anonymous said...

This was amazing. I'll remember it when I go watch the sparkly vampires this weekend. :)

anne marie in philly said...

bwhahahahahahaha!

PS - I have NO interest in seeing this movie, so your captions made it come alive (for a vampire movie, that is...alive...get it...sheesh [storms offstage right])

Sarah said...

Thank you, Franklin. If I end up having to take my little sister to see this, I will remember what you have written, and it will help.

monicapdx said...

::mad snerking::

"You can see seven yarn shops from up here." Is he near Portland? ;)

SueTigger said...

OMG! I can't breathe! The dog and cats are looking vaguely concerned. That was brilliant! Thank you! :D

Note to Self: Pick up some Malabrigo next paycheck.

laura gayle said...

are you trying to tell us something about Malabrigo, Franklin?

Kat said...

See, now THAT is a movie I would watch! Why haven't they made that yet?!?

... said...

Mala-who? And what tv series are the pictures from? Looks kind of Gilmore Girls-ish.

LoriAngela said...

I have to keep my comments quiet when around my teenage daughter and her Twilight friends. Thanks for spilling the truth!

Bubblesknits said...

::snicker, snort:: Love it!!!

Anonymous, too said...

I can just picture Alice Starmore putting a curse on you so that all the Malabrigo you touch turns into Red Heart Super Saver!

Laurie said...

Sick...twisted...and PERFECT!!!

unrvld said...

So funny! Though it may not be Samuel Richardson, Jane Austen or even D.H.Lawrence,at least the movie's leading male actors are great eye candy!

Lynn said...

Yes, indeed, especially the second one. {Five children and their father in 1000 sq ft or less. But who's counting?)

Laura said...

This is wonderful!

(formerly) no-blog-rachel said...

You are freakin' hysterical!

Paisley said...

love (1000)

"no sex, no sweater" inspired!

StarSpry said...

Awesome :)

Romi said...

ROTFL!!!!!!! Franklin, you're absolutely wonderful. :) xoxo!

patricia said...

Now I'm convinced I must see the movie, with my knitting

indigodragonfly said...

I love you. That is all.

HLL said...

this is so getting printed and put on my wall!

Carolyn said...

Hilarious! Way to go,Franklin!

Julie Schuler said...

LOL! These are great.

Susie B said...

Love it! Can't wait for my daughter, the Twilight nut, to see these pictures. Good thing I didn't have anything to spit on my keyboard when I saw this!

SJ said...

Your captions were funny enough -- but it was your post tags that did me in! Thanks for the laughs. (And for making me think of Malabrigo when I go see Eclipse this weekend.)

MIB said...

This is made of win.

Jen said...

Love it! It gives me a need to purchase more Malabrigo!

peacefullyknitting.com said...

Thank you for a good laugh Franklin! Perfect in every sense of the word.

Jodi said...

Hahaha! Love it!

Karen said...

Wonderful! Thank you.

Debbie said...

You know, I might just have to watch one of those fang-bangers! Thanks for the laugh!

Seanna Lea said...

Wow. I just had to share this with my friends. You don't need to know anything about either knitting or Twilight to find this a hoot!

Gail said...

Thanks for your unique brand of humor! it made my morning ...

Pretentious Wombat said...

I just love your warped sense of humour. It's definitely "hot dog awesome" (to steal an Eddie Izzard-ism). Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I saw these or I'd have choked laughing!

Toni said...

Fabulous!!!!!! I never thought I'd find something I liked about the Twilight books, but you have proven me wrong!

Miss Sandra said...

*snort!* hahahahahahaha!

Just Jenn said...

You know you're a knitter when you are watching Eclipse and HOPING someone comes up with a pattern for the long sleeved grey sweater Bella was wearing about halfway through it.

Kathryn said...

That is the best Twilight post EVER!

Jo said...

This is the best Twilight ever!

Have you noticed that your favorite yarn company seems to be Malabrigo?

Knitting Out Loud said...

Very funny!

KelleBelle said...

BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!

::::breathes::::

BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!!!

knitcrit said...

Hate Twilight. LOVE this.

malaraky said...

So. Love this.

Mmmmmalabrigo moment.

Karen said...

Oh, that sooooooo needed a coffee warning on it! I'm still LMAO! Thanks for the belly laughs today.

Awntie Spyder said...

http://crochetinsider.com/bookreview/knitgrrl-guide-professional-knitwear-design

on website crochetinsider dot com a book by Shannon Okey cover graphic looks a great deal like Dolores. is it just me?

knitkick said...

So, Franklin, I am so sorry for being so forward, but I have been dying to ask this question for AGES: What is your favorite yarn?

Linda said...

Oh, I get it now: you're just planning for when, as Uncle, you get to squire your niece to some future YA function. Good on you, say I! Must get the aversive thoughts out and over with, long before she's an adolescent!

kmkat said...

You are a genius.

Spiminarian said...

Wonderful. I was starting to get depressed after hearing on TV that Twilight had a record opening night. Pinch me, I hope I'm dreaming!

Rach said...

I'm not a great Twilight fan. There are better vampire stories out there. Much better. But, I think I've been condidioned to knit every time I end up watching one of these. May have to take something when I go see the new one... Damn, I'm going to have to find some Malabrigo

Kathy L. said...

Thank you so much, as always, for the laugh! Can the girl in the Twilight movies (I don't know her name since I am NOT a fan) every close her mouth? All I ever see from the clips of those movies is the characters staring into each other eyes all intense-like with her mouth hanging open. Definitely love the Malabrigo!!

The Loopy Loft said...

OMG. I can NOT stop laughing!

Jen said...

Is there a legal limit on how much awesome can be achieved in one post? This post? Has WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much awesome! I'm worried for you. The awesome police could be on your doorstep.

I will be laughing for a long LONG time!

evalyn said...

Knitting is to tollerence of Twilight as sand is to a beach. Thanks for the dialog.

Malabrigo Yarns said...

We've posted a link to you from the malabrigo blog! This was hilarious :D

Fiber Floozie said...

ROFLOL
Heidi

VCFibers said...

Love it! My personal fav: If you're just going to stare at me do you mind if I knit? I may have used that one before...

nana said...

Now, that the Malabrigo sales ranks skyrocket, what is in it for you?
More Malabrigo?
This was a good chuckle before I head to bed on this continent.

Anonymous said...

youve made twilight tolerable, i had no idea that was possible, i love it

Stevie said...

Dear Franklin,
Thank you for making me hate Twilight just a tiny bit less. Still hate it, but knowing that you can take the most nauseating thing in my entire life and relate it to knitting makes it that much better.
<3
Stevie

Amy Lane said...

LOL-- oh, come on... what was wrong with Twilight? All those pale faces, backlit by fog... still say it was the best knitting light provided by a movie in, like, EVER!

Turtle said...

Hysterical! Living in the "land of twilight" you get a bit of overkill here..yeah, you can enjoy it and be so sick of it at the same time! I love your captions!

FiberQat said...

So will Malabrigo be sending you some yarn in a Twilight-inspired color?

Fireant01 said...

OMG this is fricking wonderful.

kim.chicago said...

That was BRILLIANT!

Roggey said...

Excellent script doctoring!

And I want to know what mitten pattern she's using...

Emily said...

This is too funny! And I love the tags.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard that my partner came running up the stairs to find out what was going on. I particularly LOVE the Starmore one and the "boy this staring is boring..." one. I personally find Twilight wetter than a haddock's bathing costume (i.e. all kissy kissy and meaningful looks, yawnorama) and think your blog hits this right on the spot. Just wonderful!

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I didn't think it was possible: I saw something Twi-related, and I was actually entertained. I think I love you.

Ultimate irony - word verification: "comic". I definitely love you!

Jennifer said...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You are so hilarious. Now I think I must take my knitting to the movies for the matinee showing. ; )

Ami said...

Franklin, I love you. Even more than Malabrigo. Hilarious!

Sarah Bear said...

Hahaha! My boyfriend *totally* knows what Edward's going through in the shut-up-I'm-counting one.

Lisa said...

You, my dear man, are a gift to the world of knitting, for your column, for your blog, and for your humor.

Thank you for making me laugh harder than I have in weeks.

Shanny said...

I love you so hard right now!

inklenaomi said...

no regrets, it's like a night with Malabrigo.

Helga said...

Ok, I NEED to see this version of the movies ;)

Catie said...

awesome!

Kenny said...

That is f'ing hilarious!!!!! You just made my day!

Spinning Ninny said...

amazing. you've put twilight into terms i understand!

Dez Crawford said...

lationeAnd then, as the moon set behind the trees, Buffy killed Edward.

The end.

(I like the Alice Starmore caption best!)

Thanks for the laugh, Franklin.

Dez Crawford said...

Sorry, the verification word worked its way into the beginning of my previous comment and ruined it.

peony said...

OMg, thats hysterical.
I had an awful day (or an awful month while we are at it), thank you for the much needed laugh.

Jilly said...

ha! that's great stuff. thanks for the laugh, and you're right, i wish i wrote as poorly as she does and had her saled figures. oh well c'est la vie, we can't all be 13 and obsessed with trash, right?

Kimmie said...

I love Malabrigo more. No, I love Malabrigo more! Ooops I mean *Bella*

Grandma Cath said...

This is absolutley the highlight of my summer -- off to find some Malabrigo!

Faye said...

you're crazy.... funny!

Camille said...

Awesome!
Thanks for the laughs.

Tanten said...

Wow!

Love this..... :)

Hotter Than... said...

genius! Thanks for the laugh. And the reminder that knitting *does* make the world better.

Potato said...

Awesome!

Quincetart said...

I had a crummy day yesterday and bad dreams last night but this has given me a big fat belly laugh that has chased the badness away. THANK YOU!

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