Thursday, April 01, 2010

Scorsese to Direct 4-D Biopic of Visionary Knitter

HeroineHollywood, CA. Oscar-winning director Martin Scorsese today confirmed rumors that he will direct Triumph of the Wool, the long-awaited cinematic treatment of the epic life of Elizabeth Zimmermann, a British-born knitter whose pioneering work liberated millions from the tyranny of the printed pattern.

“It’s a no-brainer,” said Scorsese. “My work has always celebrated the underdog and the rebel. Elizabeth didn’t take no shit from nobody. That’s my kinda woman.”

The Fourth Dimension

The director was tight-lipped about specific details, but insiders hint that George Lucas’s Industrial Light and Magic has been tapped to supervise CGI fantasy sequences dramatizing the creation of Zimmermann’s mind-bending Baby Surprise Jacket and other signature designs.

Triumph of the Wool would, indeed, be a logical debut vehicle for the company's much-anticipated "AranVision" 4-D technology, which will allow moviegoers to reach out and fondle on-screen yarns and handknits.

Glittering Cast

StarThe A-list cast will include Dolores Van Hoofen, legendary cabaret singer and noted fashionista, in the central role of Elizabeth from her early teenage years onward.

Van Hoofen, speaking poolside at the Bel Air Hotel, pronounced herself “honored as all hell” to be cast and very much looking forward to a reunion with Scorsese, who last teamed with her to produce the unreleased Gangs of Rhinebeck. (Rumors of an on-set affair have been pooh-poohed by both parties.)

No Van Hoofen? Fuggedabouddit!

Scorsese admitted Van Hoofen was the only actress under serious consideration for the role. “Who the fuck else is there right now? Miley fucking Cyrus? Fuggedabouddit. Without DoDo,” he admitted, using his pet name for the notoriously temperamental star, “there is no picture. And check out that great caboose.”

DirectorAlso to appear are Viggo Mortensen (The Lord of the Rings) as Zimmermann’s husband, Arnold; Lily Tomlin as Barbara Walker; and Meryl Streep (Death Becomes Her, Mamma Mia!) as Zimmermann’s daughter and heir to the company throne, Meg Swansen. (Streep reportedly went into seclusion at her chalet in St Moritz shortly after this year’s Oscars to work on her pronunciation of words like "entrelac" and "antepenultimate.")

Location shooting is slated to begin in Munich and Marshfield, Wisconsin in late spring, with an anticipated release to IMAX theaters in time for Christmas 2012.

116 comments:

gina said...

love it!

joyknits said...

Ya ... sure! Can you imagine Dolores meets EZ (evil grin) That would be a *real* hoot.

HL said...

Sigh--if only

obsessmuch? said...

Ha, ha!! Thanks. :)

Erin said...

LOL, nice!

livnletlrn said...

Yeah, but will they leave the lights on in the theaters so the moviegoers will be able to knit while watching? In between fondling the 4D wooly goodness, of course. ;-)

dschmidt2 said...

well done, Franklin

Liz said...

You are brilliant!

LindaWD said...

I've been wondering what Dolores has been up to - hopefully there's a part for Harry as well... when can we start to pre-purchase tickets?? (LOL)

Diana said...

Could it be....the first of April? What a hoot!

Nancy said...

Knit Onward!

Bonnie said...

Please let me know when I'll be able to buy tickets to see this!

Claudine said...

It'll be a Box Office hit!

Ana Petrova said...

That is exciting news for us knitters. I'm with "livnletlrn" asking about the lights on in the theaters?

Although no lights does not stop some of us from knitting. I've knit for so long I can do it blind folded.

Donna said...

I love you so much, Franklin. Thank you.

Sarah said...

I haven't laughed a "snorted my drink out my nose" laugh in a long time. I thank you, my nose doesn't.

Benne said...

Franklin, you are brilliant, as was EZ! Perfect casting. I will be laughing over this all day.

Silvia M. said...

You really should submit this idea to Mr. Scorsese, you never know!
Loved it. :)

susanr5 said...

First sentence and I nearly spit out my nice Girl Scout cookie!!!!

I love you.

Catherine said...

Did I catch a glimpse of you on Sunday Morning? Or was all my girlish shrieking for naught? Or as my husband asked in confusion "who's Franklin?"

Vicki Knitorious said...

That is FABULOUS!!! Thanks. ; )

Gail said...

Thank you (again) Franklin for a much needed chuckle as I await news of where my son will be going to college .... if he winds up in Chicago .... I guess I'll need yarn store recommendations for visits.

Happy April 1st from a bright and sunny and warm New Jersey!

Ciorstaidh said...

Congratulations, Dolores!

Unfortunately it's long after midday hereabouts so I have no hesitation in calling April Fool :)

Marina McIntire said...

left me lol! Thanks for the lift.

Lucette said...

Happy april 1st everyone!

Gaynor said...

I was really interested until I got to paragraph 3 - and remembered the date. Love it!

gartlande said...

Almost had me! And then I just started laughing.

The Knifty Knitter said...

Meryl Streep actually kind of looks like EZ... If only Hollywood would catch on.

Lynne said...

You joker you!

A very funny read - thank you!

Patricia said...

What a delight! Can't wait!

lulubelle said...

Will the 4-D be in effect when Delores takes to the screen, enabling viewers to fondle her caboose? Or, are those scenes reserved for Marty only?

anne marie in philly said...

yeah right! and I am the queen of england, you are the pope, and dolores is as virginal as st. teresa.

happy 4/1!

Anonymous said...

10.0 for visuals
10.0 for original script
10.0 for casting

It's a lock for Webby's Single Post in a Comedic Mood 2010

CatBookMom

Nichole said...

My favorite part was your screen credits for Meryl Streep. Death Becomes Her was such a great movie!

Kate said...

Brilliant! thanks for this... :)

Cat said...

thanks I needed that, good thing I didn't have a drink in my mouth at the time, or else I would need a new keyboard about now.

It would be cool

WonderMike said...

You. Are. HILARIOUS!

Anonymous said...

Actually, as opposed to most of the commenters, I'm sad now. I want to see that movie... :(
Please make it?

Jennifer said...

I tried to explain to my 4 year old why I was laughing. She couldn't understand why a famous movie director wouldn't want to make a movie about a famous knitter. She looked baffled when I told her that not everyone thinks knitting is as cool as we do. I love that kid!

chellebelle said...

*shaking head* Ah Franklin, I sure love you and your sense of humor... in all it's very wrong glory!

Barb B. said...

I hear the appearance of the Pi shawl is especially epic. Apparently in 4D the "pi" becomes "pie".

Liz said...

Nice. Got it from the title; but superb idea...

needlefingers said...

Just as long as no one lets Lucas write the dialogue, because as the last three movies clearly show, those days are over. "Meesa gonna yarn wif da sticky-sticks!"

eee.

jarubaknits said...

Thank you, Franklin. I really needed a giggle today.

HobbesLover said...

I can't be the only one hoping to find a bootlegged copy of "Gangs of Rhinebeck", can I?

Loved this!

Kathleen said...

You are such a priceless gem. Right down to the brief CV for Meryl Streep. DAY-um, I so heart you.

Anonymous, too said...

I know it's April 1, but what the hell has that sheep been slipping into your Diet Coke?

B and the boys said...

The best April 1 material I have read and the only one that gave me a good laugh. Thank you Franklin!

Sara in WI said...

April 1st? Do mean that it is NOT true then? And I wanted to go to the opening!

Brenda said...

Oooo,ooo,ooo can I get tickets to the premier?!

Slip, Knit... Meditate said...

I bet you are in it too...but only as understudy I guess...

Teresa said...

Happy April Fools Day to you too! LOL

Carie said...

Brilliant - may your spaghetti harvest never fail!

Mellybelle said...

Magknitficent. Up there with the spaghetti trees of Richard Dimbleby!

lucky knitter said...

haha... laughing all the way to the box office! :D

mon bouton said...

just for a second I thought it was true, then I checked the date :) brilliant idea !

rosesmama said...

if only . . .

Elizabeth D said...

I'm quite sure I'm not ready for Dolores in IMAX. . .

Syd said...

Oh dear, when oh when am I gonna remember NOT to drink my morning coffee when I pull up your blog! You have done it again, thanks for the belly laughs!

inmotioncc said...

Oh my I laughed out load startling both the husband and the cat!

Laurie said...

"Elizabeth didn't take no shit from nobody"...love it! I once saw a picture of EZ riding a motorcycle with her husband - and she was knitting. EZ, biker babe, Scorcese...it all fits. ;-) Thanks for the giggles.

Lisa said...

Shoulda waited til I got home from work to read this....I just snorted a huge snort and created a serious "prairie dog" situation in my office...tooo funny!

jlr said...

Best April Fool's I read this year. Good job, Franklin! You rock!

bcat said...

Ha---be careful what you wish for <3<3---brilliant!

Emily said...

Oh. My. God. I'm so naive, you had me going there for about a phrase, until my common sense kicked in & said..."wait...?"

Sigh. Too bad.

Martha said...

Do you think Meg could arrange for a premier showing for everyone who has ever attended Knitting Camp?
What a gathering THAT would be--even Scorcese would be impressed I'm thinking....

Lori said...

Best April Fools post yet!

emsres said...

Fabulous! You really outdid yourself :-)

KnitNana said...

Wonderful April Fools!
(of course, I'm a bit late...)
(((hugs)))

Janet said...

Franklin - you deserve an Oscar.

Diane in Chico said...

Love this!!

Plum Texan said...

Have I ever told you that I love you? Because I do. Also, your casting is SPOT. ON.

Angela said...

I think Viggo and Delores will be the scorching new 'it' couple before filming ever begins!

Diane said...

I would definitely put this one on the list of "must-sees"!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, I love it! I WISH!!!!! Plus, Meryl Streep as the daughter of the hot young Dolores - well played.

Sahara said...

Oh Franklin!! The first sentence and pick made my stomach do a flip! REALLY?! Then I wondered, why Scorsese?

And then I GOT IT! I gotta get out more. You're the Best!

Anonymous said...

Okay, I've read this 3 days late but I love it!! Thanks
---Amy

Margie said...

I'm volunteering for duty as Delores's manicurist!

Jo said...

I can't wait till I meet you in person in August. Absolutely fantastic!

Jo
x

Anonymous said...

You win the April Fool sweepstakes. I really welcomed this laugh. Great fantasy.

Still, when you really think about it...

Anonymous said...

I will wait for the IMAX version. 5D - includes the smell of lanolin!

Pickyknitter said...

VIGGOOOOOOOOOO *faints*

Anonymous said...

my sides are aching from laughing!
you made my day

Shelda said...

Franklin, I love you. Happy 1 April!

flourgirl said...

I just discovered your blog and love it! My husband and are both lawyers by day but he is an avid photographer and I am an avid knitter. I think you are what our daughter is going to be when she grows up! How cool.

Neeley Notes said...

If only . . .

Knitting Out Loud said...

Great post!!!

Gotta Knit! said...

If it was only true! Sigh

Wool Free and Lovin' Knit said...

For once I wish an April Fool's story was true!

tentenknits said...

hysterical :-)

Jeanne H said...

Oh, Franklin, you slay me!

B-D

Melistress said...

Late to the party. I had to check the date on this one. Very cute.

Anonymous said...

There really is 4-D cinema, although the display at the Ontario pavilion at the Olympics didn't mention arans.

Come to think of it, I'm rather surprised that Delores didn't make an appearance in Vancouver. Was she busy hosting the Ravelry Olympics? Sara

Cathy said...

Oh God, I wish this were true!

Meredith C. said...

you kill me.

Hester from Atlanta said...

Once again I had to go find the cleaner and tissue to clean my monitor screen. I was laughing so hard tea, snot and saliva were released with great abandon all over the screen and desk. Best

film izle said...

That is FABULOUS!!! Thanks. ; )

film izle said...

Thank you, Franklin. i like to u blog

WebALP said...

thanks a lot of

yasinkolik said...

thanks good read

yasinkolik.com said...

my read

Murat said...

good

Rainy Daisy said...

yes please!

milmom said...

Love It!

Ellen-Mary said...

Wonderful!!

Anonymous said...

you had me for a very short minute. If only. Like a previous comment, the lights would stay on during the movies.

Janice from Southeastern, WI USA

Anonymous said...

Franklin, I love you. And I love the words you use to keep me thinking about knitting and lives.

I have just this morning downloaded your knitting lace border patterns from Knitty.com, having bought some perle cotton yesterday. I am going to have some fun.

I love the references you use in your writing, like 'Mr van der Rohe', is pulls me back to a time in my life (only 35 years or so) when 'Mr van der Rohe' was part of my everyday conversation, those times are long passed, but I do remember a time when I could have an esoteric conversation. What a delight. Thank you so much.

Helga said...

I love you and I hate you, hehe

Elizabeth said...

Ah, Franklin, yes, this is the perfect screenplay, and you have found the perfect director and star! Hopefully Harry has a supporting part. EZ was a believer in socks! EZ had such a marvelous, glamorous life in her younger days as a governess to royalty? But, ah, Franklin, just how is Delores around small children? Does Delores do any watercolors? Perhaps Harry can help with his multicolors.

Jhonny said...

Thanks. :)

Cassia said...

Oh man...you really had me until the quote in the second paragraph. Hilarious!!!

MerryMaidKnitting said...

This smacks of "Modestproposalism."

roundaboutacres said...

Very funny! Thank you for the laughs!

Ellen said...

Viggo is too tall for Arnold! How about Sam Worthington? I'm sure Dolores can swing it!

nana said...

I am late to the party, but wanted to say, thanks for this fool trick.
It is April 26, and I just rediscovered the missing blog again, after mulling about what I have read in the past. Me hates when we upgrade the OS and all caches are emptied out and I did not bookmark my important pages.
All is well again.

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