Friday, May 08, 2009

Verses Scrawled on the Back of an Old Ball Band, Found Abandoned on a Street Corner in Nantucket

There once was a knitter named Nell
Who knit lace like a bat out of Hell.
Said the lass, “My technique
Turns out three shawls a week:
Do it quickly, but not very well.”

There once was a knitter named May
Who went shopping for yarn twice a day.
'Til a sack of wool blend
Caused the shelving to bend
And she drowned in a sea of bouclée.

There once was a knitter named Andy
Who dipped all his needles in brandy.
He said, “After a snifter,
My knitting’s much swifter,
And all of my sweaters smell dandy.”

There once was a knitter named Mary,
Who liked to mix cables and sherry.
She explained, “When I’m pissed,
I can fearlessly twist.
When I work them cold sober, it’s scary.”

89 comments:

Gina said...

LOL!!! I love it!

tricotchick said...

Too funny! Thanks for the laugh!!

junior_goddess said...

(waves)

Nice to see you!

seashells said...

Snort! Do More! :-)

Jasmin said...

I love limericks. I often ask myself why Shakespeare wrote sonnets in lieu of the superior form of the limerick. :)

Steph said...

haha! You're my favoritest poet ever, Franklin. :P

Jessica said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you, this is perfect for a slow Friday morning.

knittergran said...

Sometimes we do things just because we can.
Love the limericks, found in Nantucket, of all places!

May said...

NOOO! NOT BOUCLEE!!??

Bubblesknits said...

ROTFL!!!! Thanks Franklin. I needed that. :-)

MMA said...

You have the BEST sense of humour ever. Love the limericks, and love your writing, cartooning, and knitting!

kmkat said...

Love it!

CraftyGryphon said...

I have a sudden urge to cross-stitch these up as holiday ornaments for my friends this year.

Thankfully, I remember that I still haven't quite finished the ornaments for 2006, and the urge passes.

But these TOTALLY need to be done up as *some* sort of ornament. They're wonderful!

Anonymous said...

Fabulous. Just what was needed on this chilly Montana day. Suzanne

(formerly) no-blog-rachel said...

*snort!*

Jo said...

HA! Seriously, the best limerick I've read this lifetime!

Anne O'Nymous said...

Let's see: including slant rhymes, "Dolores" rhymes with "abhore us," "floor us," "forest," "chorus," and the unprintable ideas are just starting to come to mind....

Rudee said...

Your pen is mighty.

yarnpiggy said...

Wonderful! Thanks for the giggles. :-)

Encore, encore!

Susan said...

Cute. (:

thecrazysheeplady said...

Excellent!

DorisM said...

Just what I needed on this Friday! These are wonderful! Keep it up!

hokgardner said...

My daughter was writing limericks at dinner the other night, but none were as funny as these!

Sharon Rose said...

There once was a knitter named Sharon
Used a hat to hold down the hair on
The top of her head
When she got out of bed
She knit them of wool and of Orlon.

*grin*

Anonymous said...

kudos for being very clever. always love people from the midwest...

Mary deB said...

As a Mary, I must try that cables and sherry business... Great fun!

Sarah said...

Just delightful!

crazyknittinglady said...

Best. Poems. Ever. I might have to print this out and tack it by my desk...

Linda said...

Wuv it, wuv it, wuv it!!

KnitNana said...

teehee!
Wonderful!
(((hugs)))

susanr5 said...

That made my Friday!

LFRIES said...

Oh, these are absolutely great!

Mamma Spice said...

delightful!you have improved a rotten day. keep going to redeem it entirely. . .

Laurie in Mpls. said...

What's not to love in a limerick? :) They are one of the few forms of "bouncy" verse that I can deal with. But not one of them was naughty! I wasn't entirely sure that was possible... ;)

Waiting for the haiku, which is my preferred form since I am basically rhyme impaired.

Anonymous said...

we love goofy poetry. did you see this thread on Ravelry?

http://www.ravelry.com/discuss/for-the-love-of-ravelry/636447/51-75#51

ha-ha my catcha code is pactouse; like what you have when you appear for a book signing, eh?
marie in florida

Eric W said...

Delightful!!!

-Eric in Michigan.

Miss Knotty said...

I think I must be Mary.

AR said...

Brilliant !

More please. :-)




AnnR

Lynn said...

So you're in Nantucket, then?

anne marie in philly said...

GREAT start for the weekend; ROTFLMAO!

YAYZ for your BIL in passing the maine marriage law!

happy mother's day to your mom and sister!

PS - word is "futio" - futon on the patio, perhaps?

Puttermeister said...

I sense a new book in the works.

Salihan said...

Thanks for making me smile! :D -me@salihan

Roxie said...

There once was a lad name of Franklin,
who often took on quite a hanklin'
for faire isle and lace.
Turned it out at a pace
just as if he were turnin' a cranklin'

joeyshouse said...

Love it!
And just where is this Andy,a nd why isn't he sharing the booze??

Anonymous said...

Thanks for a great laugh.

Joy said...

Hysterical, and just when I needed a good laugh, but it must have been some huge ball band ;) Hope you'll do more!

monica said...

See, what do the Powers That Be know. What you write is brilliant and whitty and seriously funny. Keep it up, in this "current economic climate" we all need a good laugh now and then.

knitterotica said...

Love (a bazillion(

Anonymous said...

"when I work them cold sober it's scary" My favorite, favorite line!!!
Paula in Iowa

Batty said...

Goddess, that was too funny! Laughed vodka & cranberry out my nose! Sinuses are now clean and fruity, but yarn may need a cranberry juice dyebath to save it!
Loved it- thanks for the chuckles!

BattyJanice ------------^v^
Twitter: @BattyJanice

Slip, Knit... Meditate said...

I am like Andy ;-))

Mari said...

Oh, was this a peek to your next book, hmm? :-) Love this.

Karin said...

I like the Andy one best..though I bow my head to the rest.

Syd said...

Oh GREAT!!! More coffee up the nose! Darlin' you do have a way with words an stitches! Have a great weekend!

cadidier said...

There once was a knitter named Rufus
Considered to be quite a doofus
But he turned to aloo
A lace pattern or two
And soon whipped out a large batch of loofahs

FiberQat said...

There once was a spinner named Habit
Who wanted to spin up some rabbit.
He found a feral angora,
But he cried out "Begorra!
"If only I could blasted grab it!"

Love the limericks. Thanks for the morning giggle!

Anonymous said...

A strander from Lewis (notorious)
Designed sweaters whose colors are glorious
It is said her technique
Owes a lot to the steek
Since few knitters can strand back victorious

rogueknitter (Carol in OR)

quinn said...

Does this mean Harry is now naked??

Judith said...

There once was a knitter in Dover
who always had work to do over.
"The design is a glove
that's knit for my love
who is a tan boxer named Rover."

OK, that's just too weird to contemplate, but it's the bit of doggerel I could come up with on short notice.

I enjoy your blog and your book!

Cathy said...

oh my God! you are the best!

Rosie said...

must try Mary's lace technique...

silverarrowknits said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Great! You always make my day! You rock, Franklin!

Heather said...

Bravo! Those are amazing. Life is so dull when one cannot find a good limerick.

Ellen-Mary said...

Brilliant!!

Thea said...

Once again, I am so glad you do these this instead of work!

Knitting Painter Woman said...

Hear! Hear!
Let Nancy know there's a market for these, too. With illustrations.

Lee said...

Very funny! And limericks are surprisingly hard to write.

bluegirl said...

Written on a group trip in Ireland:

There once was a girl who loved knitting,
but she became very weary of sitting,
she went off to Donegal,
where she had a ball
of yarn, which she then started mitting.

Your limerick's brought me back and made me smile remembering all the fun I had in Ireland and especially Donegal, where I scored some Kilcara Donegal Tweed!

qarylla said...

Love the limericks, and they lend themselves so well to illustration!

IrreverendAmy said...

Love them. But what is this? No comment on the great state of Maine and your b-i-l's part in making it so?

Steven said...

I'm totally identifying with Mary these days...

Helen said...

I love you. That is all.

cherie said...

Oh how fun!

beanchild said...

those are fabulous! :D

*~epiphany~* said...

:D this is fantastic.

Anonymous said...

Cadidier, FiberQat, rogueknitter, Roxie and Sharon Rose

Thanks for extending the fun

and

A talented knitter named Franklin,
To knit socks developed a hank’rin’
When he got to the store,
He found pastels galore,
But no browns.
Soon his spirits were ranklin’.

margieinmaryland

Vikkie said...

Oh thats just great! Thank you for the lovely laugh! (well ty for all the lovely laughs you give me and others)

Baraka said...

Honey, if you were straight, and maybe 20 years older, I could fall in love!

This is definitely the start of the next book - illustrated copiously by yourself and Dolores (no, don't give her a paintbrush, she's enough trouble already!

Anonymous said...

Did you know that today (Tuesday May 12) is international Limerick day?

Marita said...

You are hilarious. I have been referring to this movie, by the way, as "Star Wars: The Birth of a Bro-Mance"

Anonymous said...

These are terrific. Thanks.

Anonymous at 9:08 said today is Limerick day. Is that really true? Today is our provincial election! It couldn't be a better day for it-a limerick election.

Leah

Anonymous said...

Sorry, must get a grip. You wrote this on Friday; it is now Tuesday, and the election is today. I am voting Fibretarian. ; )

Leah

Anonymous said...

A twist on rogueknitter's verse:

A strander from Lewis (notorious)
Designed sweaters whose colors are glorious
But her manner, it's said
Filled booksellers with dread
And to find her works now is laborious

Marcy said...

We all know that Delores really wrote these and left the ball band on the street corner for you to find. Hope she isn't mad that you didn't say that since they are so clever, she must be the poet.

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