Such was my situation recently. I was photographing this thing and it was made absolutely clear to me that no substitutes for an infant head and shoulders would be acceptable. No pretty dollies, no hat stands, no Styrofoam balls or wads of crumpled tissue paper. Only the genuine article, and pronto. Knitty waits for no man.
I live in a neighborhood that, in spite of its long-standing reputation as a haven for what used to be known as Confirmed Bachelors, is now increasingly home to young families. These days, you’re as liable to trip over a nanny on Halsted Street as you are a drag queen. Soccer mommies mixing with the leather daddies. Ah, progress.
Still, having more kids in the vicinity makes them no easier to borrow. You would be amazed at how reluctant city parents are to cooperate when you rush up–camera in one hand and baby hood in the other–and ask if they would kindly bung this onto junior’s head so you can snap a couple of quick frames. I had no idea strollers could move so fast.
Not neighborly, if you ask me. Downright standoffish.
I was about to concede defeat when a friend-of-a-friend obligingly gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. Together, we collaborated on a series of images that, judging from the response they’ve generated, are either too precious for words, or evidence that I am a child-hating untalented hack who should have my camera taken away and my knitting needles broken in half.
Me, I fall somewhere in the middle. These are far from my best work, having been made in five minutes in dim light so as not to tax either the baby or her mother. I did the best I could, which is sometimes all you can do. On the other hand, I applaud the model’s artistic choices. I feel they lift the series above the banal. Smiley kids are a dime a dozen. This one, like Margo Channing in All About Eve, obviously detests cheap sentiment. I love her for that. If the aura of enfance véritée turns some knitters away–well, I suppose that is the price one pays for pushing boundaries.
Proper Compensation
In lieu of payment, the model’s parents agreed to accept a hand-knit baby hat. Not the hood, obviously–it’s a wee bit much for daily wear in 2009. But a hat of my choice, and of course I want it to be a good one.
I started to whip up a little number of my own devising from the remnants of my Exceptional Niece Abigail’s™ Tulip Jacket. Some of it had gone into the embroidery for Bird and Berry, but there was still plenty to spare.
I did some pondering and charting, and cast on. At about this point in the proceedings,
I realized I have a problem.
I love this hat. Really love it. Really really really love it. Knitting it has been like a ride on a supercharged merry-go-round and I don’t want to get off. And there’s no way it’s leaving the family. It can’t go on me, since I don’t wear pink in the winter. So it’s going to Abigail.
Which means making another hat for the Other Baby. It won’t make any difference to her, or her mother. They haven’t seen this hat. And the other hat will be just as nice, I promise.
So why do I feel guilty?
Stop staring at me. Just stop. Stop it!
Invading America's Dairyland
A reminder to those in the vicinity of La Crosse, Wisconsin that I will have the honor and pleasure of joining you for your annual Knit in Public Day at the La Crosse Public Library. The theme is "Keeping You in Stitches: Knitting and Humor." I shall do my best to be especially funny from 6:30–7:30, when it's my turn to speak. (Natives, please advise. Are cheese jokes off limits?) The rest of the time, I will pursue my more usual course of trying not to say anything too stupid.
116 comments:
Cheese jokes are just fine, at least for this girl who was born and raised in the great state of Wisconsin.
Travel Safe and Good Luck and Happy Knitting!
PS I feel guilty when I do that too.
woot I was first and second, woot
I have to be honest... that baby scares the bejesus out of me. Definitely not a reflection of you as a photographer though.
Not officially from Wisconsin, but I know many Wisconsinites, and generally they don't seem to be upset by cheese references. Be forewarned that they do things a bit different up there, though.
I'm so frustrated that you're going there next week! This is the closest you've gotten to me, and if it were a week earlier I would have driven up during my spring break!
The hat is gorgeous. You really have a knack for color-work, you know.
You're going to love the next hat you knit just as much as this one. Soon, Abigail will have more hats than she can wear in a lifetime. WWFDT? (What will Franklin do then?)
Franklin, it's so easy! You can get rid of the guilt by just making two of those hats. Which is drop-dead gorgeous. And while it's true that Amazing Niece Abigail is #1, that baby has a certain je ne sais quoi that indicates she's a force to be reckoned with, and worthy of your best.
--Elizabeth D
That baby looks right out of Dickens!! The hat, the expression....from another era entirely. Love it!
Clearly the lack of readily available babies is connected to big city life. I live in a teeny tiny town and we have so many babies & tiny tots it's ridiculous. (I mean, we HAVE cable TV!) I think last weekend there were two separate baby showers on the same day.
SO GORGEOUS!
Next time maybe try going up to the child and parent with some candy....well uh maybe not. Love the pic of wee one. I first saw it and thought maybe Dolores was in disguise and trying another means of getting her face in pictures.
What duraknit said.
And please come to Vancouver. :-)
I love the baby photos.....*so* much fun! :)
About the cheese jokes, remember to do lots of jokes making fun of California cheese and you'll be set. Oh, don't open with the one about the wheel of brie, the brick of swiss and the chunk of cheddar walking into the bar. That one has been done to death.
Oh dear, I recognize that facial expression as one I myself make several times a day. Good luck, kid.
I loved the photos, honestly. Like you said, smiling babies are a dime a dozen. This girl's got personality already!
Enjoy WI!
I think those angry baby photos are amazing, they crack me up. It looks like she is about to put a hurt on you. Wonderful patterns, both the bonnet and the colorwork beanie.
Disgruntled babies need more representation in the media. So bravo!
You are coming to La Crosse on WWKIP day? I gotta check with my LC knitting buddy and see if she has an empty bed.
I totally agree with your sentiment -- smiling babies are a dime a dozen. Scowling babies, otoh, are priceless. (One of my favorite professional photos of my #1 son (now 24) was taken on a day when he missed his nap -- you never saw such a poignant face.)
That baby is adorable. And I daresay she will look awesome in anything you make for her. I found the photos charming and very true to life.
With your imagination, Franklin, you won't have any problem coming up with a hat for her! Go for it!
You could do the Grand Ol' Opry joke (that's where I heard it) and ask 'em if the cows up there give ice cream.
Are you sure that's a baby? I think you just shave Dolores and put the hat on her!! That's such a Dolores-like expression!!!
I'm from Milwaukee, and I say you can make cheese jokes all you want. I think the dairy stuff is a point of pride among us, even if we are from the cities, but cheese is also not something to take too seriously. (I mean, the cheese hats, come on.)
All I could think when I saw the pics of that baby was, "That is one PISSED OFF kid!" Seriously, I don't think modeling is going to be her first choice of profession. LOL
OMG, I couldn't stop laughing at that face. Thanks I really needed that.
The hat is lovely. Nuf said.
I love the baby photos. They're probably my favourite knitting photos ever-- whenever I need a little pick-me-up, I click over to Knitty and crack up.
LOVED the baby photos. And the mental images I got of you, taking them. Any baby who looks like Winston Churchill (with his cigar just taken away) in a lace hat is my kinda kid.
You're right. Smiley babies are a dime a dozen. That kid's got PERSONALITY.
...ignore the flack. Some people have no sense of humor. Sheesh. Like THEIR babies are happy all the time. Ha.
The photos were great, and I thought they were very funny. She was doing what a baby does--and they don't always smile on cue.
I agree with the others--Gerber-type babies in photos are common and rather yawn-producing. This little one is already showing a strong-willed and rather contrary nature.
Oh, hrm. Guess I should pay more attention to the local knitting scene. I work in La Crosse (though I live across the river in MN), so I guess I'll see you next week!
If it's a book signing, will books be available for purchase there, or should we bring our own copies?
one of my "vintage" baby booklets has a baby smiling then crying. your model does even better
marie in florida
Personally, I think that baby is adorable. Smiling babies are a dime a dozen, but this is a Bebe with Atitude! She makes me giggle - and so do you.
I'm with Elizabeth - make a second hat just like (or with slightly different colors?) this one. Guilt assuaged!
(and the hat is beautiful, and this is why I don't knit for much of anyone but me...I love the stuff too much to let it go)
Hmmm...Zen commentary on that?
(((hugs)))
Franklin, that Dream In Color hat is looking terrific! Definitely keep it in the family or amongst loved ones. And, like others said, you can invent another terrific one! Also, my mom who is a quilter, has shared the dilemma of making sure the gift is in proportion to the relationship, so as not to freak the recipient out. She has made some gorgeous quilts (100+ hours) for acquaintances, and it has created awkwardness. Now, she pitches gifts for non-close people more like 10-30 hours of work, and it feels more appropriate for a baby gift... luckily she saves the super fab ones for us!!
That baby is reading your blog, and she wants the hat. Give up the hat, and no one gets hurt...
New hat is gorgeous! I'd have a hard time giving it up, too.
I think that Other Baby deserves the hat. I'd say I am in the "make 2"camp. In fact, 2 at a time.
Other Baby is awesome. I love her scunchie hostile "You're kidding. Right?" face. She should have a hat and a matching sweater.
there is a definite Elvis curl to the lip there
I love your angry baby photos! They are refreshingly original.
Ok, too funny not to mention: my verification word is "brati". Combined with the images of the sneering baby... well, it has me chuckling.
Cheese jokes are de rigeur up here. But don't joke about Bret Favre or The Packers unless you know your material very well.
Don't apologize for the photos. I love the expressions on that baby's face!
The baby hat looks gorgeous so far...I have no idea what I'd do in that situation (besides end up making two of them).
All babies scare me (yes, I have a problem, but I admit it) and this one personifies the true essence of the baby in a way that no other picture has. Thank you for finding that beautiful, if frightening, expression.
Just so you know, even though I'm afraid of them, this hasn't stopped me from knitting and knitting dozens of baby gifts. I'm astounded by the hat and want to make one for my newest victim, I mean, precious child.
Loved the baby photos! and the hood...as to Wisconsin humor, you could mention the WI state license plate motto suggestion that was (inexplicably) rejected by them: "Come sniff our dairy air."
I think that baby is a riot! Honestly I would make the same face if forced to wear a hat that was larger than the rest of me. Love!
Have fun with the cheese heads.
Whenever I look at those baby photos, I can hear her wee voice saying "Are you effing KIDDING me with this thing???". Gives me the giggles every time.
There should be more baby pictures in the world like that. I hope she isn't making a comment on your hood. I'm sure she'd have a much more pleasant expression if you gave her that lovely colourwork hat, though even a less lovely version might elicit same.
My son as a newborn made that exact face. And I have a couple of "reality bites" photos of him crying, because, y'know, babies do that sometimes.
I loved those baby pictures because they are so true to life.
And my verification word is the unpronounceable "scxkken".
That baby looks just like my grandmother. She wasn't too happy with me either.
I know you aren't asking for opinions or taking a vote here, but I think that baby deserves your best.
I am sorry, but the expression on that baby's face has me rolling on the floor - and I am at work! I have GOT to show this to my fellow knitters. I LOVE it!
This kid is going to grow up with personality!
That baby scared the sh*t out of me. Reason no. 1 to not have kids...
I love that baby. When I first saw the picture, it made my day. What a little person she is.
I think you have met your muse and she is not amused.
Darling hood/hat, splendid translation of traditionally written instructions, perfect model.
Her pay hat is really gorgeous. When is your sister going to have more babies to bestow gifties on?
Definitely too precious for words. I'm proud you were conscious of your model's youth, and took steps for her comfort.
Well put, Elizabeth D/duraknit!
With that expression, Baby needs a cigar! (Reminds me of that Bugs Bunny cartoon featuring "Baby Face Finster.")
I suppose with the parents nearby, you couldn't resort to the old Victorian secret to adorable babies-- laudanum tea.
I came to your blog b/c of that hood. Your writing style is hilarious and agree w/ yuor sentiments about baby pictures! thanks for making me smile!
Oh don't feel guilty! That pic was just about my favorite in the whole of the new Knitty! I love how the baby looks so cross in her old-fashioned hood!
I LOVE the baby pics and did from the moment I saw her!
Somehow, it reminded me of the Duchess in Alice in Wonderland....well, maybe not quite. Or Winston Churchill, as another commenter said.
Anyway, we look forward to seeing you in La Crosse. A few cheese and beer jokes should offend no one. And we all, Illini and Wisconsinites alike, are suffering through this interminable Midwestern winter despite it being the first day of spring (HA! THE CALENDAR LIES!)
I love those photos. :)
Franklin, you can borrow my baby whenever you want. He's used to being draped in wool. All day.
I wish I could travel to WI, but... see above. :)
Ok to include are jokes about cheese, cows, Packers vs. Bears.
From someone who grew up about an hour south of LaCrosse. Now I'm up in Marshfield and would drive down, but will be at a meeting in Austin instead.
"You took me away from pinochle for THIS?"
The cap is beautiful. I know the one you will make for Baby Grumperina will be just as beautiful. Have fun with the folks in La Crosse.
Beer jokes may be apropos, too. After all, you'll be in LaCrosse, the original home of G. Heileman and Old Style Beer.
And I, too, found that baby to be a bit frightening. If her name is Regan, call an exorcist!
Hurrah! More cranky baby photos! I can't stop laughing!
She, and her expression of outrage, is absolutely wonderful. =]
The sneering baby cracks me up.
I loved the baby face. Please keep trusting your "inner knitter" and ignore the critics. Those that can, do. Those that can't, criticize!
Possibly the BEST baby picture I ever, ever saw!
As far as cheese jokes, I say go for it (of course, I'm from Minnesota).
:-P
That picture is hysterical! I think that baby has gas! Great hat and Abigail will love it! Can't wait to see the other one.
A neighborhood for Confirmed Bachelors. snert.
Franklin, you can borrow my kids for pictures anytime you're in Austin! The Boy is probably more interested in tasting the wool than wearing it at the moment, but he's still in training. He can model with the best of them. The Girl just wants to know when she can put it on. She has no problem modeling WIPs.
That hat is just beautiful.
That baby in the hood picture cracks me up.
I adore the baby pictures with the Knitty pattern. There are so many smily, cute baby pix, it's a treat to see documentation of their other side! Great Alice and the Pig Baby resonance, too.
As someone whose Saturday job between the ages of 12 and 15 or so was taking bookings and being nice to my Dad's portrait-studio clients, I'm not actually boggled by any negative comments you've had on the baby hood pictures.
The number of parents who expected their children to be able to smile, to order, from the age of a couple of days or so, was breathtaking...
My Dad very quickly extracted stuff from a child-development manual to illustrate that, under a certain age, you weren't going to get a happily-smiling baby, and posted said stuff on the wall...
I think the baby pictures are fantastic. When that girl grows up, I want her to be my friend. I am certain she will be brilliant and hilarious.
That baby is great. She looks positively vintage.
Will the hat even fit Abigail? I mean, she's positively a big girl by now, right? ;) I think you should pass it to the baby and be proud to give such a lovely thing away to a baby with so much personality already.
Oh Franklin! That baby pic is hysterical! Perfect!
I adore Grumpy Baby (tm) -- she deserves a luscious colorwork hat like the one you are making for your Dear Niece. (C'mon -- no one really expects you to give that lovely hat to someone outside of the family, but you really should consider doing another one, perhaps in slightly different colors, for Grumpy Baby (tm)) Seriously -- what a personality! The negative commenters have either never seen a real baby in real life (DEFINITELY not all sunshine and roses) or they need their OWN diapers changed. Tout suite.
I am perhaps not the right person to ask about making cheese jokes in Wisconsin as I am from Minnesota and the rivalry is deep and ancient. ;) I can assure you that WE make cheese jokes about Wisconsin all the time, and (most of us) have yet to be hit with lightning. Seriously, though -- be careful with an Brett Favre jokes. That could get ugly fast.
Wish I could be there. *le sigh*
Billy Idol called. He wants his baby back.
See you in nyc on 3/29.
The baby's wonderful - what a face! No cheap sentiment there, indeed. And I love you. And, OH MY GOD the colours in that hat!
That baby just drew me in when I saw her on Knitty. She is so nineteenth century.
I grew up in LaCrosse. If you really want bonus points stop by the Cheesehead store downtown for some cheesehead gear before your talk.
So sad I can't make it. I'd never manage to work, pack up three kids, drop them off at grandma's and get there on time! Are you selling books? Maybe I can send my mom in my stead. She doesn't knit but she does quilt...close enough?
OMG, that baby is absolutely priceless! And you're brilliant for putting your hat on her! Absolutely unforgettable!
I loved those baby pics from the moment I first saw them on Knitty. I've no idea what you did to get the colours to work that way, but I thought it was absolutely brilliant how you managed to make the baby look so old and faded and grumpy and Victorian, while the bonnet looked so new and fresh and cheerful and modern.
Yeah, smiley babies are a dime a dozen, but grumpy babies are just as easy to come by. It was the colours that made me laugh out loud.
OMG, I was drinking my coffee when I read this post...the look on that baby's face is priceless! I'm giggling so hard I can barely breath! :)
I was struck with that baby pic because that's what babies really look like! Having had 2 who are now capable of having their own, I knew that face and loved it.
Proudly wearing my Knitting Becomes a Habit t-shirt....Suzanne
I'm pretty sure that baby reads your blog....
Perhaps you could knit a yellow hat of some sort whose skillful use of yarn-overs makes the hat look like cheese?
The child is fabulous, as is your photography and your rehabbing of the pattern.
I think you should suck it up and give the model baby the hat you are knitting (it's beautiful by the way). Just think of it as an offering to the universe for the availability of future baby models. Or good karma if you will.
After all your neice gets lots of lovely knitting.
That baby would be perfect in a W.C. Fields movie.
The hats are great.
That baby would be perfect in a W.C. Fields movie.
The hats are great.
Wow I love that new hat you're working on. Would you consider writing it up as a pattern? I think I NEED to make one!
I was wondering about that baby in the knitty photos! Her expressions are charming and REAL. You're right. No dolly would have been good enough.
Trish
SICK!! Oh, no, not you or your work, either photographic or knitterly -- *I* was sick, from laughing until my innards nearly became outards. I think that baby should have more than just a cap - and I'd be willing to send some lovely toys, age-appropriate. I LOVE THAT GIRL! It's clear that she is never going to be impressed by ANYthing but the very best, which is what I wish her (and her Maman) for the whole of her life. That last picture? I cannot imagine a better. If I could I would pay for her college education. Or acting school. And Franklin? HUZZAH to you, for not discarding those in favor of a Gerber-oid little dumpling. Any attempt to equal Abigail is guaranteed to fall short anyway. Oh - and as a reenactor, may I say that hood is breathtaking, beyond comprehension (and I'm glad I reenact a Metis woman whose babies lived in cradleboards and never had to deal with such foofaraw).
I love the "who you looking at?" expression on that baby. Priceless!
Mx
PS Hat and hood gorgeous , specially the hat, glad to hear its staying in the family.
Shell said,
~ that is the best Maurice Sendak baby-face I've ever seen. such character ~ exactly like one of his illustrations.
fabulous knit bonnet & sweater ~
~ Franklin, welcome to La Crosse on wednesday. Can't wait to meet you.
There are at least a few transplants from the East Coast here too,such as moi, in need of great humor and wild knitting ~
happy travels to scenic Bluff-land.
Its great to welcome an ARTISTE ~
~Shell~
I would be feeling guilty too, but the real question is would you feel as guilty or more guilty not giving it to Abigail?
My first thought when I saw the baby picture on Knitty last week was how perfect it was for the pattern. It is such a vintage look. I think there are baby pictures of my great grandparents with just that same look and a similar outfit!
That is one disgruntled looking baby.
But great hood! It's so cute!
I really don't think you could have found a more perfect model...you said yourself in the article that even the name "baby hood" suggested something slightly sinister, and how much did Victorian-era babies have to smile about, anyway?? I have to admit that my first thought, though was of the old Bugs Bunny cartoon where the little foundling on Bugs' doorstep turns out to be a wanted criminal - that kid just looks like she wasn't born yesterday, if you know what I mean :)
oh you are just so mean. or are you afraid the baby won't like the new hat either? hmm...
could always just knit 2.
Awesome expression -- the very essence of "giving you the stink-eye"!
That's exactly the way I look when I wake up in the morning!
Oh Frankin, this is just the BEST POST EVER!
Here, I will fix for you. Write a pattern for the hat. Test knit the pattern yourself. You have two hats, I have a new pattern coming out to look forward to.
Oh heavens... There's a picture of me from whence I was young making a very similar face. And I was probably looking at my mother! So don't take it personally, if the young lady is anything like me she will spend the rest of her life making faces at the camera.
I have mixed feelings about that photo. I'm sure its really great from a technical point of view but it is creepy and I wonder what that poor kid will think when it grows up. I'd also be worried about being shredded alive by the parents for putting that in the public domain but they may have more artistic sensibility and less paranoia than 99% of parents I know.
may I copy the image of the hat in the round for my desktop? It is so pretty.
Thanks
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This post gave me a much-needed laugh, and has got me craving baby knitting - thank you for both!
That's a newborn face! Something about the trauma of being born, I'm sure. I have a three week old who makes that face several times a day. Love the hat - those colors sing together.
This baby's facial expression is PROOF that Elvis lives! He's got his Grandpa Elvis's upper lip thing goin' on!! (Brooke in CA)
I'm looking at the colors in this little hat and thinking you HAVE been exposed to Kaffe Fassett and it WORKED.
Wonderful.
Can you do two, one for the kidlet with the magnificent snarl on her face?
My faunch after urban chickens (can't currently do) must be transparent, my word verification is "polles"
Love that pic of the baby - haven't laughed so much in ages!!
Ha! great picture. I know what you mean about reluctant parents, I used to work with a with a reluctant photographer who didn't want to be associated with baby-snatching...he was horrified when I'd ask strangers for their children. Not to keep... Still he'd shrink into the shadows when I made my move.
I thought that baby looked grumpy when I saw her on Knitty. Now I know why!
I think that's the most thoroughly disgusted baby I've ever seen. Downright sinister, even. I'm afraid of her... I hope your next piece of knitting pleases her more!
You wonderful wonderful man. I haven't laughed that hard in ages.
just sayin'...but my little pipsqueek is about to turn one entire year (OMG we survived!) and heck, we're just about neighbors (Edgewater). Let me know should you need a model. I can't believe you don't have tons of babies falling about you!
Love the blog, love the sheep, love the knitting. Have fun up north.
I have never seen such an expressive baby face. Did you photo shop that little disgusted face? I do not mean that as a photo honesty insult or something, I am just amazed at that little mug.
I LOVE that baby picture! Wrapped up in lovely knitting and acting like the teenager she'll someday be.
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