Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Horror, The Horror

I have half a mind not to bother writing about my week at Knitting Camp. I have pictures that convey better any paragraph the terror to which I've been exposed.

Would you, knowing full well what lay ahead, choose to sequester yourself in a small hotel among the sort of people who knit bicycles with cabled tires?

Knitted Bicycle

Or who carefully craft rib warmers for rubber chickens?

Chicken Warmer

And always, always at the front of the room was this crazy woman who kept showing everybody her underarms.

Meg Demonstrates

At regular intervals the "campers" (not like any Boy or Girl Scouts I've ever seen, let me tell you) would parade shamelessly in front of the class with objects they had created.

Show and Tell Trio

When that was over, we'd have to knit some more. For hours at a time. Hours!

Camp Scenes

And then they would start again with the fancy-ass knitting parade.

Show and Tell Quartet

So ostentatious.

I do not exaggerate when I tell you it was like this the entire four days. And don't even get me started on the piles of wool and knitting books that were just lying around in plain sight waiting for somebody to buy them. Disgusting.

So if you've been wondering whether you ought to check out Meg Swansen's Knitting Camp, obviously the answer is no. When the lottery opens for the extremely limited spaces in next year's camps, you should not consider trying to get in. It was an ordeal, darlings, an absolute ordeal.

Of course, I shall feel it is my duty as a photographer to return and document the moral turpitude, but then you know me–I'm all about sacrifice for the Greater Good.

You're welcome.

70 comments:

Patti said...

looks like a wonderful time. I'm so jealous.

Geek Knitter said...

Wow.

Way to throw yourself on that grenade, Franklin. I so appreciate the warning.

Kim said...

I can't believe it's over already!! I hope that you had a *little* bit of fun! :-)

Dogmommy4 said...

It's a wonder you had the strength to post today. Frank - - - you're a Saint.

Leslie said...

You are SUCH a piece of work, Franklin. :)

Mel said...

Well, particularly with people like tycho and Michael around, it's a wonder you came out unscathed. Or did you?

Kristen said...

I'm so sorry for your trauma! I know a good therapist I can hook you up with to help you get past it. We certainly don't want our Franklin developing PTSD!

Christy said...

That looks like tons of fun. They must crank up the Air Conditioning so everyone can justify wearing handknit wool fair-isle in July! :)

Bobbi said...

But wait, what item did Franklin present during the "parade"!?! Inquiring minds want to know!!!

JanKnitz said...

What on earth was it that prompted someone to knit a bicycle????

And, OMG, I'm dying to know the gauge of that sweater of the lady with the bun standing behind "Michael". I'm guessing 12 sts to the inch????

Waaahhhh!!! I want to go too!

Nancy said...

Only when one is Knitting Around can one comprehend being an Opinionated Knitter and even then it is curious to be Knitting Without Tears while participating in a Knitting Workshop of this proportion.

WonderMike said...

I am GREEN with such overwhelming envy! How did you ever STAND it?

Lyda said...

Oh, the suffering! Really, Franklin, I don't see how we can ask you to go through this again. But we know you are determined and will not be turned from your duty, no matter how onerous. You are just that kind of guy. When do they send you the medal?

no-blog-rachel said...

You got to hang with Kristi & Cookie! That had to have helped you endure the trials of that terrible experience, no?

Anonymous said...

Clearly, you have the strength of 10 men to stand up to this pressure. I can only imagine the toll it took.

Rest up, my friend.

from MT,
Suzanne

meg said...

You poor dear; at least you were able to escape that den of iniquity.

Alwen said...

Great heavens. Bicycles with cabled tires. Now I'm going to have to lie down with cold compresses on my forehead.

Jess said...

Wow. What a sacrifice on your part. If you can't bear it again next year, let me know, and I'll go in your stead.

Kristine said...

Poor you.

I'm in love with that red shawl; in the hullaballoo and panic, did you happen to catch the name of the pattern?

Sue said...

thank you so much for your selfless immersion into this obviously hideous experience!

BonnieJean said...

Oh, Franklin! You are positively SHAMELESS!

I am sooooo jealous - just green with envy!

You and Dolores so deserve each other!!!

Tan said...

I recognize Meg and Cookie . . .

Yarnhog said...

Bestill my heart! I have GOT to find me some real life knitting friends...

Maureen in Fargo said...

That was me in the *ostentatious* red shawl, Kristine, it's Sharon Miller's Spring Shawl (Heirloom Knitting).

It certainly was a real hardship being there...

Sara in WI said...

I hope that you have recovered. I slept all day today. The weekend was truly tortuous. True.

Kath said...

Whoa...you really took one for the team. Such sacrifice!

Corbie said...

You don't know how much I appreciate your...um...sacrifice (yeah, that's it). More pictures! More! More! And I'm so freaking jealous of you right now that a little vanilla ice cream is needed to cool me down.

woolywoman said...

you poor, frazzled, dear. I know, why don't you send me any of that pesky wool'n'books that you were bullied into buying. You'll fell so much better with it out of the house, hmm?

Lynne said...

It's a tough gig but someone's got to do it!

Cat said...

Golly, now that I know there will be turpitude (moral or otherwise) involved, how can I possibly say no?

MLJ1954 said...

You are most noble in saving all of us from such drudgery and such a painful experience. I am eternally grateful . . . jealous yes. Sigh. Unfortunately, I do not ever see being able to sacrifice myself on the altar of knitting camp. Sigh.

Shell said...

Oh how hard that must have been. I do so love the pictures even though I am sure you are scarred for life now.
I cannot believe that bike, but oh you have to give more info on all the shawls and sweaters!
I am sooo jealous!

Donna Lee said...

Eternal gratitude for your sacrifice. I'm not sure I could have stood up to all of that and remained standing at the end. A parade of ostentatious knitting? Quelle horreur!

cheyne923 said...

This year I chose major surgery over camp which gives you an idea of just how torturous time with all of those knitters can be. Thanks for joining the others who were up for the challenge, I'd hate for Meg, Amy and Joyce to be all alone.

For those of us who love to see images of others' suffering (especially in lace and fair isle), could you post a few more pics?

A fellow camper was still reeling from the impact of your 'Golden Memories' project and told me about it on Sunday night. Please share so we can send more words of comfort to you.

Melinda

graybastian said...

Wow, thanks for taking one for the team, Franklin. Whew! So glad I dodged the bullet on that one. ;-)

Jenn said...

The sacrifices you make for your art. It's amazing. :)

tychoish.com said...

I'm still in withdrawal, but the pictures help a little. Thanks

Ann (yet another) said...

Maureen, what yarn and needles did you use? I'm preparing to commence battle with either Spring or Rosebud soon. I'm thinking Jaggerspun Zephyr in elberberry.

(Oh, and Franklin - way to take one for the team. You must go again next year to document the suffering)

Nina in the Northwoods said...

Franklin, I am so happy to see that you recovered so quickly from your "ordeal" at Camp. Could we have more photos please?

I'm the lady with the bun in the photo with Michael. The sweater is Meg Swansen's Giant Latvian Mitten Cardigan, Wool Gathering # 67. It is knit with Satakieli, on a size 1. I don't have it in front of me to check gauge, but it wasn't 12 sts/inch. It is a pattern within the reach of someone comfortable with colorwork.

MX said...

What a sacrifice you've made; a real trooper!

Kate G. said...

Jeez…thanks for the warning Mr. Opticon. Underarm displays? Really? Who knew? Do you think it's something in the wool?

FiberQat said...

Our martyr to the fibery masses. I will burn a candle for you.

Liz said...

Oh you poor thing. Let me get you some tea, you must be spent.

Jenni said...

I, for one, am so outraged at this behavior that I will endeavor to make moons, stars, heaven and earth align next year that I might participate and thus spare some other slag the horror that is knitting camp.

Also interested in the Panopticon's show-and-tell piece, unless it's been 'altered' by Dolores - wait, especially if she's had her hooves on it.

AliP said...

This just proves that I cannot go to Knitting Camp. I'm not WORTHY!!!!!!!!

Angie said...

So, what did you show off?!

Lorraine said...

We all appreciate your sacrifice, Franklin. Stay strong!

Maureen in Fargo said...

Ann (yet another), I used Merino Lace from Heirloom Knitting and 2.75 mm needles. This is a cobweb weight yarn, if you used Zephyr for the Spring Shawl it might be even bigger than mine. Mine is almost floor length and I'm about 5'7".

I'm dreading next year...

Anonymous said...

thank you, Franklin, for taking one for the team.. I shall consider myself forewarned should I ever be so unlucky as to win a spot at knitting camp...

tiggerr said...

You rock and you should buy yourself some 'ease the pain' yarn.

mwknitter said...

torture - pure torture - we must all be masochists!

Meredith said...

I'm glad you could muster the strength to warn us about the horrors of knitting camp. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm cool (or lucky) enough to ever make it to knitting camp.

christina said...

Oh. gosh. how. terrible. lol

Glad you survived to tale the tale of knitting camp!!

Maybe you need to come back to Austin for some BBQ therapy. Knitting and brisket...between the two you should be cured! ;)

Eldronius said...

everytime I read about one of these knitting camps/gatherings I wonder why I have not attended one. They look like such a ball fun!

Maybe I can set up a reminder for next year. Thanks for sharing.

angelina (in oakland) said...

Taking one for the team, yet again. Good game, Frankin...good game.

geogrrl said...

Franklin, you're so thoughtful and unselfish. Thanks for saving us from such a den of iniquity.

Enjoyed yourself, did you?

Jan E said...

Glad you're back...I've missed news of you! You seem to have escaped relatively unscathed but we wanna know and see MORE evidence!

Paula said...

Okay .. so why is everyone wearing heavy wool sweaters in July ??? was the air conditioning on too low ???? has global warming ruined Wisconsin's summer ??? Are they so proud of their work that they opt to be VERY WARM ??? Crazy people do crazy things. If it walks like a duck .... etc. So what were you doing besides taking pictures ? Knitting maybe ???

Ellen-Mary said...

Oh, you poor thing. It's amazing you can bring yourself to tell the tale. Perhaps Dolores didn't drink all the vodka while you were away. You could have yourself a drink and a little lie-down before you try to put this all behind you. If you do find yourself knitting uncontrollably we'll be here for you.

anne marie in philly said...

OMG...

meg is looking so like her mama...

michael del vecchio was there!...

and the knitted things...well, puts MY knitting to shame, that's what it does! I am SO not worthy of knitting camp!

but franklin is...

smooches; glad to have you back!

Cheri said...

Oh you poor poor thing, I wish I could suffer so.

monica said...

That's the best "fancy ass knitting parade" I've seen!

Barca Viola said...

Golly, that looks rough. People have always said it's a tough workshop. So, for those who are wondering if they are good enough, ask yourselves: can you show your armpits? That is number one! Then consider: willingness to buy yarn? buy books? knit? look at other's stunning accomplishment's? Lastly, if you can understand why someone would need to knit a bicycle, you're ready!

I've convinced myself to volunteer to take Franklin's place next year.

No, Franklin, no need to thank me.

Gerrie in St. Paul
PS: Did you plan this? My word verification had the abbreviation for a phrase I rework as "fudge ripple", around small children.

Anonymous said...

Nice try, Franklin! LOL!!!!

Jennie said...

Oh, thank God you are willing to throw yourself on that (knitted) grenade for the rest of us. You are nothing if not selfless.

You must be cringing, absolutely cringing, about the thought of going back. Such a saint!

Katy said...

I've made a sweater for a rubber chicken. It's harder than it looks. Those things have no shoulders...

Gotta Knit! said...

Thank God you survived.

Merry Gentlemen said...

Oy vavoy. Thank goodness it stopped.

Mea said...

Oh I just had the best laugh over this post! I got registration info for the camp last year and my husband almost had a bird when he saw the cost. So, we've hatched a compromise--when we are no longer spending 13G on daycare each year, I can go to knitting camp. (only 5 more years, only 5 more years) BTW: I rarely comment but love your blog and am simply stunned by your "knitters" project. Bravo.

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