Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Trouble Brewing?

I've been so preoccupied with working on the book, scheduling 1,000 Knitters shoots (when they're confirmed, I'll tell all) and doing a bunch of freelance projects that I haven't been able to keep an eye on Dolores as much as I'd like. Need I tell you this is never a good idea?

Gift knitting took over my waking hours in the months leading up to Christmas, so it wasn't until we were sitting around the tree and Abigail ripped open a package printed with cartoon reindeer doing kegstands that I knew about this:

Bestseller?

"Well," said Susan, gingerly opening the cover, "at least it's not a seventh copy of Goodnight, Moon."

"It's just a mock up," said Dolores from amid a pile of discarded wrapping, "We're still shopping it around. But I thought I'd give to her now. Somebody needs to take the child's education in hand."

"We're already sort of working on that," said Phil.

"Oh, of course," said Dolores. "A-B-C and what's the capital of Idaho and that sort of thing. But there's so much more to life, and that's where the Little Helper comes in."

"What's this?" said Susan, pulling a smaller booklet from between the pages.

"The supplement to the bartending guide. I've added it on the advice of my agent. You might want to give it a look, yourself. This egg nog is a smidge underpowered."

Susan and Phil agreed to tuck the book away and share it with Abigail when she reaches an appropriate age (some time around 2050, I believe) and that, thank heaven, was the end of it; although Susan later did grudgingly agree that the egg nog recipe was an improvement on Martha Stewart's.

After the holiday rush, we came home and settled down to what passes for normal around here.

I continued working on the handsome socks from The Knitting Man(ual)in between sessions at the drawing board.

Socks in Progress

I'm really enjoying these. There's just enough to the pattern to keep it from being a dull knit without making it too fussy for public transit or standing in line. I think the end result is fetching. The yarn (a present from Tom, who picked it up on a trip to Michigan at Ewe-nique Knits) is Margo Jones from Schaefer - the first time I've worked with Schaefer yarn. It won't be the last if I have anything to say about it. Good stuff.

Harry and the rest of the sock yarn decided to follow Dolores's writerly example and pick up their pens, and soon I was stepping around fifty-odd little journals or baking cookies for the poetry slams being held in the living room.

However, Dolores apparently has grown bored with the literary life. She's started going out and keeping late hours–late even for her. When she's home, I have to pry her off the computer with a crowbar. Her cell phone rings nonstop, and she rushes into the bathroom to engage in heated but muffled conversations. And she's made a point of grabbing the mail out of the box before I can get to it.

Yesterday Harry looked up from the draft of his latest poem, "If You Are Sad I Will Hug Your Heart," to ask me if I thought Dolores was acting weird.

"It's hard to say, of course. What have you noticed?"

"Well, for starters last week Stan spilled his ink all over her best peignoir and instead of freaking out she just said something about looking at the bigger picture. And then me and the guys were on our way to open mic night at The Alienated Espresso and we ran into Mitchell from The Lucky Horseshoe, and he said she hasn't been there even once since we came home from Maine. They had to lay off two bartenders."

That's all I needed to hear. I'm officially worried.

36 comments:

Mel said...

I shudder to think.

woolywoman said...

Gads. Can you check her cell phone records? And does she have a nice cocktail recipe that features cranberry juice? Oh, and I have a skein of Koigu that thinks Harry is "super cute".

dale-harriet said...

Oh dear - if Dolores appears to be *going straight* I'd worry too! Could she be doing research? Perhaps for Abigail's book....? DO keep us posted, Inquiring Minds in the North can think of naught else and there are projects to knit.

Misstea said...

Ah, she's got the winter blues. Get her a SAD lamp.

It will be all over in about three months, when the weather turns (for the most part).

Ask me how I know, because there's a bar around here wondering where I've been.

anne marie in philly said...

OMG, is she pregnant? that would explain the bartender layoffs...

or is she planning another road trip with victorine?

or is she just plain moving on with her life?

only time will tell...

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be surprised if it were rehearsals. She's going on the road and doesn't know how to break it to the boys that she's leaving. JUST A GUESS... Sue F.

Gotta Knit! said...

Oh, can I get one of her books?


Hope you are planning on coming to Atlanta at my LYS aka Knitch to do the 1,000 knitters. We'd love to have you

tiara said...

She's a PhD? What in? I forget.

Lisa said...

oh dear....I bet we should all chant and light candles for you. Harry is right.....Please keep us posted!

The Mad Crocheter said...

Oh dear. I am scared. Maybe you should ply her with booze and see if you can get her to spill the beans... if she balks at the bottle, you'll know something is well and truly wrong.

Robbyn said...

She's in love. Not just in lust (which seems to be a large part of her base state), but truly in love.

Oy...

Lynn said...

Well, you know how it is when someone's planning a wedding.

Oh, she hasn't told you? Oopsie! Well, not that you heard it from me, you understand, but I have it from the lab itself that his fleece is the thinnest merino they've ever seen. So, start planning the wedding shawl now - maybe 'I'm the Best' in Latin? - and don't worry about that bridesmaid dress, OK? Once she sees you in it, she'll realize your bum was just not built to set off a big bow the way she's imagining.

Ta!

Lynn said...

Damn. I forgot about the resultant lambie-kins. Yes, do start worrying pronto and find out whether her grandmother really was Finn - the world does not need quadruplet Dolores, believe you me, whether diltuted by a fine Merino stud or not. Although it is your own fault for printing that photo of the Adorable Lamb, you must admit.

Check the zoning ordinances, too, I doubt if you're allowed to have farm animals in vast quantities. Start looking into suburban life and no, Dolores and her family will not be 'mowing the lawn.' Geez. You'd think you'd understand what exploitation is.

More ta!

Bobbi said...

The socks are FAB! That Tom has good taste!!

Jenn said...

Oh dear, I hate to think of what's brewing. On the knitting hand, I love the socks!

FiberQat said...

Heated discussions? Have she and Ann Coulter reached a mutual agreement? Love notes from Sigourney Weaver? Campaign overtures from Hillary? Discerning readers are anxious to know.

Nice socks, hon.

=Tamar said...

Sounds like she's read "Nanny Ogg's Cookbook"! No doubt she's planning to outdo it, at least with regard to the drink recipes.

Marin (AntiM) said...

Look into this before the FBI shows up at your door.

Hey, how does a cultured gentleman like yourself *recognise* that reindeer are doing kegstands?

Wendy said...

If you need a third-party to chat with Dolores, let me know. I'd be happy to do it. I hope she's OK. Where would we be without her?

Sue said...

Could DD (Dear Dolores) be in love? Perhaps she is planning on running off with a young ram.

Rosane said...

Who knew? Dolores, a PhD! Will wonders never cease?

I hope you can come to NY for a session of 1000 Knitters photo shoot. Do you think that will be?

Rosane.

Cheryl said...

She's got me worried. If talking to her doesn't lead you to the truth, perhaps it is time to hire a private detective to tail her. I'd hate to see her get you into any sort of trouble.

Kristen said...

Will you please ask Harry if he'll marry me? I take very good care of wool.

Carson said...

DVH, PhD in Street Strife?

Anonymous said...

I just must absolutely stop reading between the lines. I am having conversations with the monitor!

Tom bought you sock yarn! Sock yarn! Definitely adorable! Absolutely meaningful!

Harry's writing early Valentine's Day poetry? "If You Are Sad I Will Hug Your Heart" I am in much need of a copy. Have you asked Harry why he is feeling so tender right now?

Delores is interested in children's education, has stopped drinking, private/secretive conversations, looking at the bigger picture........

Love, love, love. It's all about love.

Oh, by the way. Can the cover of Delores' book be the cover on a one of those hardcover journal notebooks?

Just lurking and asking.

Tami

daisy in the shenandoah valley said...

I so want that to be the cover of THE book.

(What does it say about me that I'm actually concerned about a small ball of yarn having his feelings hurt? I must get out more often.)

Toby Wollin said...

Well, I think I have the answer - she's been watching the Tom Cruise Scientology videos on the inter-tubz and has become a convert. Thetan III or some such. That's why the ink stains on the scanties don't bother her. Next thing you know, Franklin, Tom and the Katiebot will come for a visit.

Jane said...

You can blow your yarn budget on Schaefer the weekend you are at Threadbear; they carry it and and I buy it. Love the yarn, just about the entire line.
Jane in Michigan
Camp 2, 2006

quinn said...

dang. no one can muffle conversation better than someone covered in wool.

Kali said...

My grandson is not quite 7 months old and has an oral vibrator (First Year Massaging Action Teether available from Babies R Us available in John Deere corn cob or star shape). I wonder if he has been receiving the 'benefit' of Dolores book or is perhaps participating in her market research...Whatever she is up to, I'll bet its a doozy! (very nice socks btw)

Sock Knitter said...

Yikes -- Strange indeed!

And if you're in to socks right now -- I have one word for you -- WOLLMEISE (well, she's done other yarns too -- but I have not tried them yet, I have tried the sock yarn and it ROCKS!)

If you're not familiar -- there is a link in "My Favorite Online Yarn Shops" I am sure you'll love it ;)

Sock Knitter said...

Oh, one bad thing I forgot to mention -- it's pretty hard to get your hands on certain colors, since she's a one woman show -- but it is SO worth the wait!

If you sign up for her newsletter -- or are on Ravelry -- you will know when the next restock will take place, too.

Sue said...

I didn't realized Dolores had a PhD - in what?

Eileen said...

Not about this post (lovely though it is...).

I saw your 9/18/07 post about the garter stitch colorwork. Please-oh-please, did you ever do that tutorial?

I am bamboozled by a 1921 skating scarf pattern with colorwork. Garter stitch of course, and I'm nearly ready to give up.

Help! =^..^=

—Eileen

Lyda said...

Uh-oh. Is the literary world ready for Dolores the Authoress?

P.S. Tell Harry I love him.

Janet said...

Franklin, is there a bit of inspiration here from Alice B. Toklas?