Friday, July 27, 2007

Fifty First Dates

Let none say I've not done my utmost. I've swallowed my shyness, learned to speak up, put in my time at the gym. Moisturized and buffed and polished and trimmed. Kept my mind open. Danced. Dined. Listened with all the interest I could muster. Sympathized, empathized. Put myself out there. Said hello. Bought drinks. Accepted drinks. Kissed and been kissed. Loved and...not been.

This morning, after a night of sleepless contemplation, the truth-telling light of dawn revealed to me a fugitive vision of my future:

Fate.

I hate men. I give up. I am retiring to the remotest mountaintop monastery I can find and never coming out again. Although yes, I do see an issue with trying to get away from men by moving to a monastery. No plan is perfect.

First one to the apartment gets to keep the stash. And Dolores.

137 comments:

Anonymous said...

dude. what happened?

Cobbalicious said...

Franklin, that picture could never be you. (1) That outfit! Atrocious! You'd knit a far nicer coat and hat ensemble. (2) Your humor and bright wit alone mean you won't end up soggy and dour. (3) Giving up temporarily is not necessarily a bad thing. Giving up forever is not only bad but impossible. (I tell myself this.)

Bobbi said...

You Sweet Man, I'm SO sorry. I'd suggest setting you up with our Best Man (he happens to live in your vicinity), but I'm not quite sure he'd be the "best man" for you. (Not unless you'd like the gay male version of Delores!)

Ann (yet another) said...

No, you would never let yourself go in such a Truman Capote in drag sort of way.

But in a Zen thought - if you are not looking you will find what you seek. Or some such, I'd have to see actually walk across the room to see if that was Zen or Tao. But since I'm a Buddhist, the thought counts. OTOH, you might want to find out what pond Buzz was fishing in, as it looks like he snagged a nice one.

Cast on a nice fair isle, it'll make you feel better.

Paul said...

You ARE a sweet man, and love will slap you up the side of the head when you least expect it.

*sigh*

And I'm such a fan of Little Edie...

Paper said...

[mentally resurrecting my plans for a secular knitting commune/abbey/coven]

You're not alone in the "dating is so horrible it cannot be faced by any intelligent sentient being" boat. Though the boat is so full it may sink, alas.

I hold out hope that someone as funny, talented, thoughtful, and just thoroughly terrific as you are must be destined for some great happiness around the corner somewhere.

Ruth said...

I'm sorry - rejection sucks big time. Are you really really sure you couldn't swing the other way? (Just 'cause I know there are legions of adoring women who would trample one another to get dibs on you - I'd be one of them if I weren't already married. Actually, you're the only knitting blog my hubby reads, apart from mine - hmmm.....) Anyway, you are an incredibly cool (and handsome - whatever that's worth from a straight woman!) person - don't give up!

Aarlene said...

Oh Franklin. I'm sorry the men you've met up there are such clods. It is all eharmony's fault.

gail said...

oh, Franklin, this is just Post-Baptism Depression! it will go away in a few days. In the meantime remember to eat well, exercise, spend time with people you like, and do things you enjoy. (It might not cheer you up but the time will pass more pleasantly.):)

Carla said...

When you give up- is when you will find some great guy! So your on the right track!

CityMinx said...

Honey, if only I could tell you the number of times I've said the same damn thing.

You could go the vindictive route, go out and watch couples fight, or sit together in silence. You could stay at home in your rattiest and most comfy clothes, or you could just do the whole one day at a time thing, and see what strange path life takes you. Not to be all spiritual and junk.

Either way, stay in civilization. Internet connection is a bitch on mountaintops, or so I hear.

catmum said...

Yup. The more I know of humans, the more I love cats and any other animal I meet. And yet, there's you. Maybe we are all Little Edies, under the skin.

Jen said...

Clearly, these guys just aren't good enough for you. There are much more suitable men out there, probably sitting home and wondering if they're ever going to meet someone great.

All this crumminess is just to help you appreciate how awesome things are going to be later.

Jenn said...

I'm sorry someone made you unhappy. You are such a wonderful person and deserve to be happy. As a spinster who has resigned herself to her fate, we could always run away together. Bring your camera and your knitting and meet me at Machu Picchu. Peruvian men should snap us both out of it. Ooh la la.

LiseB said...

hate to say this but.... I'm so there. I embraced singlehood a decade + ago and I've never looked back.

Granted, sex (or lack thereof) is an issue. But as you 'mature' (okay, get old), uncommitted sex gets to be a drag. No sex is better than sex that leaves you depressed and self loathing.

I've discovered the joys of having friends -- real friends, not people who could be potential lovers/partners. It's very liberating.

I hate to think I'll never fall in love again... but I just can't deal with failed relationships any more.

I gave up too. And I've really been happier since I did. I'm still hoping that I'll meet Mr. Right one day, but until then, the love of my friends and family is enough.

Good luck, and 'bon courage.'

Lise

sherrill in Portland said...

You MUST go back and read Mollywobbles entry for February 9 regarding the Vera Wang collection. Wardrobe inspiration for your dotage.
Sherrill in Portland

Pink said...

*Hugs*

knitnzu said...

Isn't that shot from that movie about JFK's wacky relatives on the coast? So give them up, then when you least need one, maybe a good one will pop up in your life for you.

Windsornot said...

I agree with "knitnzu". About 10 years ago, I got dumped atrosciously, and swore off men forever, vowing that I'd be the old maid cat lady, but without the cats since I'm highly allergic to them. ;-) Next thing you know, I make friends with this guy, and he turned into the rebound guy. Oh, I know what you are thinking, but I ended up marrying him 8 years ago, and we have a kid, and things are great! So, sometimes you just have to let go and stop searching. Dating does suck big time, believe me. I don't miss it at all! And remember, you'll never be alone. You have your virtual and real-time fan base, and so many people love you, even if it's not romantic love. You are loved and lovable. The right guy just hasn't come around. I'm highly convinced that the good ones are truly rare and hard to find, so take a break from looking for now, concentrate on just continuing to be the best you that you can be, and some knucklehead will finally have an epiphany that you were the one that got away and shouldn't have.
*hugs!*

Christine Olea said...

Ever since the 7th grade when I read To Kill A Mockingbird I've wanted to be the surly neighbor lady. I want to sit on my porch with my rifle and cats and scare all the neighborhood children. The only thing I never wanted was the morphine addiction. The moral here is that you won't be alone in being alone.

Sandy said...

Oh Franklin,

We've all been there honey. I'm there right now! I haven't dated since my divorce two years ago and I have two men calling me right now this week wanting to take me out -- and I so don't care. I'm resigned to the fact that I'm still damanged and pretty wounded and just not ready. I don't want to get hurt in all the same places again.

Remember, being alone does not mean being lonely. Sometimes it just means healing.

And that's just nonsense talk right there: first one to the apartment gets the stash. Puh-leeze. It just feels that way right now. You'd throw your buffed moisturized polished and trimmed body right over the top of it and howl. I mean I don't know you and all, but I read your blog. That much I do know.

But trust me on this: I understand.

Go buy yourself something nice and eat some ice cream made by the two best men in the whole wide world: Ben and Jerry. It can't hurt.

Oh: And Stay Away from Billie Holiday songs. In the mood you are in they will make you sharpen knives.

cedar said...

Possibly you just need some new and exciting fibre, could it be that simple? perhaps

Cherice said...

Franklin, you are a delightful man. I hope that tomorrow you wake up feeling much much better. Sometimes I think you just need a little time and distance to give a little perspective. (actually I hope that by the time I hit the "publish your comment" button on this you're feeling better).

Katie said...

You should really run away to a nunnery/convent/female moastery/whatever they call those these days. Then you'd have knitting cohorts.

caitlin said...

don't give up! you're a hunk! the process is agonizing, but oh how sweet are the tiny tastes of joy that sometimes come!

Sarah said...

I am sorry you are having such a rough go of it.

Lauren said...

Well, let's see. After years working in the restaurant business and doing my share of gay counseling, I have to say most men who give up find love smacking them in the face. Let those muscles soften a bit. Don't get a gut but maybe a wee paunch is in order. You're trying too hard. If you let go, he will come; I just know it.

Just to commiserate a bit, and despite (or because of) the fact that I have been an attached breeder for twenty years now, I hate men, too. They're arrogant and self-serving and need their egos (and other things) stroked constantly. Take a break; visit the monastery; come see me and the ruminants in Scottsdale. I could use some help with the sheep and I have LOTS of fleece in need of spinning. We could have a men-are-so-not-to-dye-for party with the Lanaset dyes. It could be fun. And if you're in the mood, we'll head to San Diego and hit the Hillcrest scene. I know people; I just have to get that radar firing.

Chin up, compadre! You've got a friend in me.

nicole said...

Ah yeah. All men are bastards... But you know what, women aren't any better either, I tried it.
For me, being a Mom is apparently the way to go. Kids scream just as much as adults, only with them issues are usually resolved a lot quicker ;-) And also, you can threaten to sell them to the gypsies, which you can't with adults because those know gypsies are picky about who they buy.

Anyway, I say: screw 'em all. (Ah yeah, maybe don't try that though...
You could always come and live in Germany, at least we have better juice (as in fruit juice) here ;-) What they sell in the states as 100% juice wouldn't even pass as a fruit drink here. Fruit flavored, maybe. (Can you tell it's 7 a.m. and I haven't had a lot of sleep? That's one the drawbacks of having children, sleep doesn't happen much in the first few years *yawn* and I'm saying this while number two is still very much on the inside)
Anyhow, I'm going to go and play some more mahjongg until this nice hacking cough I am currently enjoying so much settles down again. Sudoku also has a very nice ind numbing effect ;-)
Take care!

Victoria said...

i think all smart good loving big hearted people have this happen to them and though sometimes KNOWING you are not alone in this doesn't always help i hope you can find some comfort in the factor that many of us out here find you utterly intelligent, charming, funny, and loving (evident by the feelings and thoughts you have shared about your niece)....someone like you will not be alone forever...impossible that some equally intelleigent, charming, funny and loving man will not find you...right now your mate is out there looking and/or waiting for you...HE IS...it will happen...out of the blue...he will turn around and there you will be ...not looking...and he will be too smart to walk away because he will know that you are what he was looking for and will be too smart to let you go...he will know what a find you are....HE WILL.

mk said...

I have plans for my future elder years. It involves attack chickens, at least one goat, and some kind of gizmo that will, when I pass on, grind me up and feed me to my cats. Oh, and a hat collection.

Jaye said...

Oy! What brought this on? You should escape into the HP book already and forget the "real world" for a while.

doodah said...

Franklin, if what you share on your blog is any indication - you are a wonderful person. I am sad that you've been hurt. And even if you give up on men and move to a nunnary -- don't give up on love. (Albus Dumbledore would tell you that love is more powerful than the darkest of magic.)

Lynne said...

it's the perfect outfit for the day.

this, too, shall pass.

mehitabel said...

Where did you get that picture of me?? Hmmm... no wonder I'm alone! Oh well. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, but maybe it will help to know you're not alone?? Oh, and I am saddled with a huge house which, while not quite as bad as that one, would still give it a run for awfulness.

Terri said...

As trite as it sounds, time does heal all wounds - or at least scabs them over. You are correct, lots of men do suck, but the good ones are worth waiting for...

Take some time to heal, and then fight like hell to find happiness.

jen c said...

that sucks. and ditto.

Malin said...

Oh Franklin, I'm sorry :-( I hope you feel better soon. But please don't retire to a monastery! I doubt they have internet and I would miss your blog!

Helen said...

My great-grandfather used to say to my granny, 'Apples will grow again, daughter.' I hope it applies here.

Mama Llama said...

Heartily know,
When half-gods go,
The gods arrive.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Give All to Love"

Don't be scared.

((Franklin))

Anne (with an -e-) said...

Franklin -
Though it's a ways off, when I get it up and running you're more than welcome to join my commune/convent/monsatary/thingiee. "We" (being ME and whatever pets I have at the time) intend to live as close to nature as possible and avoid 'men who are not worth the effort'. I'll keep you posted, though I doubt we'll be opening before 2020. *lol*
Worry not - I have a 'wild' dog who will be more than capable of keeping Delores out of trouble. :)

Brewgal said...

Give it some time. I prescribe a good dose of fine wine and a view of the seaside of your choice. Billie Holiday is contrainidcated until symptoms have resolved.

knitbot said...

Yikes. The Harlot has gone AWOL (simplistic term) as well.

Breathe.

Tina M. said...

I had the dry spell of all dry spells for two YEARS while I worked on myself. Of course I broke that fast with the f*ckup of all f*ckups, but it all ended well on the far side. Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about you.

You, are someone I would dearly love to meet in real life. I can guarantee you that if *I* knew you in real life (before I got married), I'd be cursing the fact that you're gay. I'm sorry that you're going through this kind of pain. Feel rejected and alone is probably one of the worst feelings, next to regret.

Keep putting yourself out there, but do it because you want to. When you're least expecting it Mr. Wonderful will walk up beside you, whisper in your ear and send shivers down your spin. I promise.

Anonymous said...

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

anne marie in philly

marie in florida said...

hey! where'd you get that photo of MY future and what did you do with all my cats?

ErickaJo said...

Oh, Franklin, darling, if I was close enough I would come to your rescue with Ben and Jerry's. Take care of yourself.

Tracey, in MI said...

I think you're feeling conflicted,maybe even a bit hopeful...cause if you REALLY hated men-- wouldn't you go to a convent? Not a MONASTERY????

just sayin.....

maniacalmultitasker said...

Frankln,
Have faith...take refuge with your family and your beautiful niece...
Don't look so hard.... it'll hit ya when you least expect it! Find it ... love, fulfillment, companionship not in just one person, find it everywhere!
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Franklin. After many years of marriage and several years of togetherness prior to marriage, there is a chance that I, too, could find myself back in the dating pool sometime soon. Or not. I may just stick to my knitting. I don't hate men, but I'm not sure I want to share a bathroom with another one. If you ever want to start a knitting commune (private rooms with private baths, please), I am a great cook--but a lousy housekeeper.

Suzanne said...

Rejection hurts, and there's no way around it. As an occasional reader, I must say I'm a little surprised. Clearly you have a great personality, a fantastic imagination, whoppping talent, a really handsome face, and a bod to match. From my own experience, I can say that I pursued the wrong people for some time. A couple years with an excellent therapist helped. I've had the same mate for 14 years, not to say there haven't been stormy patches.

LauraJ said...

I must look just like Mehitabel, since I wondered where you got that picture of _me_. Humans. No damn good. Cats aren't always much better. I hope there are better times ahead for you and me and everyone in the same boat.

Take a class in something. you won't meet anyone but it broadens the mind.

Samina said...

Ah, just think of it as a few more frogs to kiss....

Fiber Ninja said...

Franklin, oh Franklin, it pains me so much to hear how you feel right now. So much that this long-time lurker is emerging from the shadows to comment. I felt that way at one time in my own life, and like ann (yet another) commented, if you are not looking you will find what you seek. I am living proof of that; wonderful husband, three adorable little boys, a red belt in Tae Kwon Do and on my way to black belt. I hope you have a better frame of mind soon. And remember your family,friends, and readers love you. Loraine

P.S. You are always welcome to visit DC/ suburban Maryland to take knitting photos, and always welcome in our home.

Jo said...

Franklin, you could NEVER be caught in such Mid-Europe refugee kitsch! And, by the way, the secret to men (ALL men, by the way, not just straight ones) is that they actually don't want you to love them! Look around at the great guys, taken up by the complete bitches (of both sexes) and figure it out! They LIKE being bossed, abused, threatened with loss of love. It apparantly makes them feel like they have to work for it! Sad, but true! Had I known this in my salad days, I could have ruled the world!
So, don't move to the mountain top, Dear Franklin. Just ignore them, as if they are gnats, and watch them swarm!
(Besides, who but you could put up with Dolores?)

Lisa said...

Franklin.....this can't be the way you want to actually live. To borrow a line from a movie...."You have to make a lot of sales calls before you actually get the sale". A bit crude, but you get the point.

I think that most people find that person when they least expect to, when the time is not exactly right, just when you start that "big" project....get the point.

Please don't give up on the world....chin up, we love you!

no-blog-rachel said...

I'm sorry you're so down, Franklin - I agree with everyone who says it'll happen when you least expect it. Take some time to yourself if you need to but please don't head to a monastery and leave us! Plus, even with the temptation of your stash to sweeten the deal, no one else would want to take on Dolores.

Oh yeah. If I were gay (not) and a man (not) I'd be so after you. What are those silly men thinking? You're awesome, and one of these days someone smart and wonderful (and hopefully really hot) will recognize and appreciate that.

Mwah to you!

Carol said...

Screw it. Just do what makes you happy. If sitting around in you r sweat stained housepants makes you happy. Do it! But don't stop doing the 1000 knitters thing. I'm dyin gof curiousity about the finished projcet.

Kathy said...

If I remember right, there was a really cute neighbor at Grey Gardens...there is good to be found in any situation!

~laurie said...

It's a weird world when you, the YHo 'n' Rabbitch are all down at the same time :(. At least you're in good company!
I've nothing else new to add to what's already been said except this: life has shown me that when i least expect it, things will change. Five years ago, when all was looking boring and lost, I met the person who i deserved and who deserves me.
I can't see me being the only one in the world who this happens too :) so i nominate you as next in line!
In the meantime knit lace again.. it helps with everything :P

calicokitty6 said...

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. (((hugs))))

I was in the same place 8 years ago. I kept praying and looking for mr. right. After a while, I finally gave up all hope of finding him. He came into my life less than a week later and we have been together since, married 3 years already.

You are a wonderful, handsome, sensitive, caring man and someone will recognize that. Maybe he already has and you don't know it yet.

Go enjoy your other life passions until he shows up. Remember, when you least expect to you will find him.

Carol said...

Two things. First, I'm sorry that things aren't going too well. Second, it will happen the moment you walk away. Like now. It's such a cliche but happened to me. Enjoy yourself. Do the things you like and you will find someone who likes the same things.

Anonymous said...

Problem with men.. hmmm. I think I know all about it.. and yes.. they are pigs sometimes.. and life without men, thats dull.

Hugs to you, and yes if you would live closer, I'd would love to take Dolores...

John E. said...

Franklin! Don't date guys from Evanston!! ;) J/K ... stay strong my man, you'll find him.

funfairiegirl said...

Oh, precious. Giving up your stash? That is a bit exreme - you need something to keep you busy not looking at the monks.

You have to kiss a lot of fogs or some such. and then one day it just happens. you find the frog prince or something like that. Mine wandered into my life at a time I had given up and wasn't looking. I had gone on dates with such gems as The Swiss Nazi, The Elitist Oompa Loompa, Smeagol the Stalker and more (all bad dates got a name).

I have nothing else to say really. no advice, nothing enlightened and witty. I searched the recesses of my mind and came up empty. so *hugs*

Cynthia said...

Honey--you need to get the hell out of dodge!

You have been on the edge of leaving Chicago for some time. Your post shows a need to move on. Love yourself enough to trust that you are lovable and find the place you want to be. If that really is a monastary, well be sure to bring yourself some moisturizer because they don't have little sample bottles like hotels.

Anonymous said...

Don't go to the convent. They may knit but it is a very difficult life. I've been there. Really.

Speaking as someone who always thought she'd be a nun let me tell you the future can be surprising, in good ways.

I met my wife on Yahoo personals.

There is someone out there for you. The search is hellish though. As my wife says, "You need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/princess".

Take some time to relax and regroup. Enjoy time with friends and take good care of yourself. You need to step back from the search for a while. Be kind to yourself and do things you enjoy.

Lynn said...

Your stash, sure, but do I have to take Dolores? Perhaps I could promise to send her around the world with an adoring troupe of sock yarn fetching her mai tais and tucking in her blanket on the poop deck chaise lounge - would that be sufficient to make her go bye-bye?

Of course, I do spin. I could offer to help her tidy up that fleece for the heat of summer - she does need it, you know, but I bet an approach with shears in hand would send her far, far away. For a while, at any rate.

Oh, and as for you - I'll take up women if you will. I'm a boringly straight woman right now, but clearly men of whatever directional proclivity are nincompoops. Present company excepted, of course.

Ru Temple said...

Nonsense, I'm sure Dolores will be glad to help you schlep the stash out to St-Guilhem-le-D├ęsert in rural southern France. All the bastide towns are becoming artists' colonies, we've just returned from discovering, and this particular ancient mountain retreat comes with (a) mountains, (b) ruins, (c) a lively music and arts scene, seasonally. Plus it's less than an hour away from gay Montpellier...

winged unicorn said...

oh franklin, sweetheart, don't give up! we love you!!! we straight women understand. MEN SUCK!!!! but someday you'll find the one...

alala said...

Well, it's a nice big house, anyway. I'm with Nicole, come out to Germany for awhile. We'll take care of you.

MonicaPDX said...

Why give up all those yarn stores and the photography and family and friends and culture 'n stuff? (I'm a materialist, I'd make a lousy renunciate.) Just forget about men for a while and live. Enjoy your self.

Either two things will happen. You'll be just fine and since you're a sweetheart, live a long life being a wonderful influence on people and having friends who are grateful they found you, which is no small thing in a person's life... Or you'll start talking to someone at the bus stop (oops, the El station for you) and wham, before you know it, you'll have found The Right One.

(If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I wasn't even buffing and polishing. We had 15 years before he died, and if the guy I thought I was in love with for 6 years hadn't broken up with me, I would've missed the real one. Gahhhh, the horror! I would've been settling for not enough without even knowing it...)

And stop it with those sleepless nights of contemplation. They lie. ::hugs::

RodgerM said...

I am partial to the belief that a certain shabbiness in appearance is liable to keep superficial, uninteresting, stupid people at bay.

In that spirit, may I come over for tea so we can wear our furs together?

In all seriousness, Franklin. I have to tell you that reading your blog has given me hope that not every gay man is a stupid prat concerned only with his appearance and his next blowjob.

Lori said...

Deep breath, heavy sigh

Been there, got the t-shirt.

Even though it doesn't seem like it, this too shall pass.

Internet service is sadly lacking on the mountaintop. We'd miss you.

Yvonne said...

*hugs*

Lauren said...

Are you better today? I'm concerned.

Marlena said...

I'm sorry but how could I not laugh at that picture?
A couple of tips:
1. Shirts go around your TOP half.
2. Your mother can get her own gd cocktails.
3. Stick with sock yarn buddies... they don't leave waste behind.

That said, I think everyone can learn from Edie and her utter individuality. Do what you want, things will work out for the best.

angie said...

I'm sorry. I know exactly how you feel.

konchog said...

Two days from today will be my 14th anniversary of becoming a monk, and I've never looked back. Well, rarely. Just sayin'.

Mother of Chaos said...

You are too wonderful a person for this dating-related crap. On a personal note, it was about a year after I swore off men for good that I met my husband.

Just sayin'. ;-)

Hang in there.

Ditzy Cadet said...

told ya, you should have come to see Ted Nugent with us!

Ted said...

Date? What's that?

Anonymous said...

dude! don't retire to a mountaintop! buy an electric bass, and RRRROCK US TO DEATH - ETH - ETH - eth ...

- thorn

"i poke. even if i like you."

Linda said...

No, don't give up. Just feel disheartened for a while then gird up your loins and set off again. I missed the shawl post and must say how beautiful all the symbolism in the shawl is, as well as its knitted beauty, of course.

Mendon said...

Franklin, you're neglecting half the population, there are always girls...

Seriously, though, there are a lot of straight men out there that don't know how jealous of you they are. Think about it this way, you've got hundreds, possibly thousands, of young women, primarily between 20something and 40something hanging on your every word. And, if you wanted a way into predominantly female culture in order to stack the odds in your favor you could take up one of the stereotypical female hobbies like self-improvement, reading, or, I don't know, knitting. ;)

Bevin said...

Franklin, if you went the way of the spinster, I certainly hope you do it up like Grey Gardens. Who is your famous cousin?

Riin said...

I feel your frustration. After two long term relationships that didn't work out, I spent a lot of time analyzing what went wrong, both on my own and with a really good therapist. Finally I felt like I might be ready to try this dating thing, so I put a profile up on an online dating site, being very specific about what I was looking for. Like, I wanted someone who didn't drink. And someone who actually lived in Ann Arbor on the bus line since I don't drive. Everyone who's responded so far lives 25-50 miles outside of Ann Arbor, and half of them drink. Dudes, did you even READ my profile? I'm about ready to take the thing down.

Anonymous said...

just remember, you have to kiss a lot of princes to find your frog (someone you can love warts and all). i waited for mine, who came out of the wood- work when i wasn't looking. just like a cockroach. couldn't be happier, but it took a long time!
love,

Mary said...

Franklin write down *everything* you're looking for in a man. Put the paper in an envelope. Seal it and put it away. And then forget about it. The vibes have been sent out into the universe and they'll be returned to you in the shape of a hunk of manly love. I guarantee it!

KnitNana said...

Me, too! And I'm right behind ya.
(((Hugs)))

Yvonne said...

When I first met my hubby, I told him that I was going to become a Nun & move to India. That was 26 years & two kids ago. Hang in there, kiddo.

FiberQat said...

Oh honey ((gentle hug and shoulder rub)), get the comfort food out and a good movie. Monasteries are just too austere for someone who appreciates beauty as you do. After you've had a good cry, make yourself the bon vivant everyone will envy and have them prove to you that they are worthy of your attentions.

I've been girl less for 6 years and not looking. Then at camp I get the zingazings with a lovely butch. If a continent didn't divide us, we'd be all over ourselves. If something happens, it happens. If not, well we're still friends.

April said...

Well for what it's worth, *I* love you. My apologies for not being a man.

Sid Leavitt said...

Franklin, I'm sorry. You've brought so much happiness to others, you deserve it, too.

tante koo said...

There's nothing wrong with being a spinster/confirmed bachelor, or rejecting men. Screw that "kissing a lot of frogs to find your prince" business-- honestly, men are not worth the bother... and there is more to life than dating, mating, ego stroking, and having to wash someone else's filthy tighty-whities.

I do agree that that picture doesn't reflect an accurate picture of what a solid and fabulous unattached life can be-- where are the spangles? the glitz? the velvet, satin lined smoking jacket and silver-dog-headed ebonwood pimp cane?

You're better than this, Mr. Habit... and if the men of Chi-town can't see that, they can take their chances attempting aerial fornication with centrifugally mobile pastries.

Ann said...

Grey Gardens? I think not Franklin. You are far too sane ...

lin said...

First of all, being alone is not so bad most of the time, though I know what you are feeling. Second thought is this: Your life has been wrapped up in a beautiful lace shawl for a while now. The shawl is finally done. Ever think that part of the empty feeling you seem to have right now could be because the huge deadline project is finally finished? Sort of like the panic you feel when your term paper still has to be typed and it's 2:00AM and then the next day you can't shake the panic feeling because it's so ingrained in your mind? Maybe you need to just unwind for a short while, go back to photographing knitters (who knows - he might be there), enjoy the "new" job, and enjoy the rest of summer. And on that note, try not to dwell on the fact that those of us who live in the north can never be sure when summer might abruptly end. Hugs to you.

Sandy said...

us girls gave up on them a long time ago. Most of them pretty much suck! hope it gets better...

Rita said...

Dear Franklin,"When stranded, the way to move again is not to search for an answer, but to ask a new question to which your life can be the answer.Birth,
Marriage, Death,Graduations etc. job.All these are a starting line. Feeling stuck does not mean the meaning has gone out of your life, you have outlived your question and need to find the next,and then possibilities are endless."

Hugs, Rita

Fey said...

At 35, after kissing too many frogs and feeling completely disgusted with the male species, I decided to get me an oil change. Not a boyfriend. Not a lover. Someone to have sex with now and then.

We fell in love.

That's how it seems to work for a lot of us these days.

Anonymous said...

I just KNEW someone was watching me, hah! Seriously, though, you are much too wonderful a person to give up. I'm sorry you are having such a bad time of it. as a reader of your blog, it's difficult to imagine that someone wonderful hasn't coupled himself with you. I know I am in love with you (I mean that in a non-stalkerish way). Patience dear man, someone wonderful will come along when you least expect it.

yarnkat said...

Franklin,
I've only met you once, but in that ten minutes (with most of it being you behind a camera), I was smitten! Sorry about being a girl and married...

I think all the good ones are just intimidated by your moisturized, buffed, polished and trimmed sexiness. It's similar to the idea that no one chats up the hottest girl in the room - they don't think they'd ever match up.

Hang in there and knit yourself something soft and expensive and in the meantime I hope you find what you need!

Jimintoronto said...

I hear you, Franklin but keep your chin up and your hat in the ring. We all have these frustrating and disappointing times but if you're not out there, Mr. Right won't be able to find YOU either... No question that it can be soul wrenching when you keep trying and don't get the results you were hoping for, but when one gives up, for sure nothing will happen! You are quite a catch - us readers know that! Keep doing all the good thing you are doing - that's always a big positive on the end-of-day balance sheet and whatever you do, take time and take pleasure in your significant accomplishments, your loving family and dear friends. Sending hugs and warm thoughts (pun partially intended - it's almost 100 degrees and humid here) from Toronto.

KellyD said...

What can I say? I gave up men 3 years ago and have been very content with my life. No I didnt take up women. I am just getting around to knowing me after the whole rotten divorcethingie 14 years ago. Well 11 at the time.

Yes someone will sneak up on you when you least expect it. Just Pour yourself into something else, your 1000 knitter project for a time and it will come.

Big hug Big Guy!

Sarah said...

It's like shopping -- when you have no intention of buying anything, you find all sorts of fabulous clothes that fit you perfectly. When you have a big event coming up and money to burn, everything you try on makes you look like a sack of potatoes. Now that you've stopped shopping, someone fabulous is going to pop out of nowhere and demand you bring him home.

Anonymous said...

Being single is great! I gave up dating about 15 years ago and thought I was missing out on this great and wonderful thing. Wrong! Being single and happy with yourself is much better. Just remember Mr. Ex when the single life gets you down.

It's too bad that you are not female - I'd ask you out in a minute. *wink*

Sarah said...

Dating is hell. And I say this from the safe distence of 15 years (and even now I can feel a faint cold sweat break out).

In my experience it provides the occasional good laugh (mostly with your friends!), and the odd carpet burn ;) if you are lucky.

And then for me, having started to look forward to being a mad spinster with a rickety bicycle who kept cats, a goodie came along.

I get the odd twinge for the bonkers 2 wheeled cat keeping dream though :)

Anna-Liza said...

Dating sucks. Most dating partners suck. Giving it up is not a bad idea at all.

Two thoughts though: I've come to believe, through a lot of experience (don't ask how much, it's not kind), that really, there's no failure in love. Things happen, some enjoyable and some painful, and the only failure is failure to learn and grow. I know, it sounds all Pollyanna (hence the name of my blog), but I'm afraid it's actually true. I've been through two eight-year relationships and am now married to the man I believe is the love of my life, and I wouldn't have been ready for the depth of our relationship without having had the previous "failures".

Second, WTF are you thinking of, giving up your stash? Are you FREAKIN' INSANE? If you're giving up dating and possibly men, and at least temporariy giving up partnersex, you have to be insane to be considering giving up fiber at the same time.

But you know? I've frequenty considered the monastery thing myself. It's seductive.

Kristen said...

Oh Franklin, I'm so sorry! So very sorry. I'd marry you! In an instant! Somehow I don't think you're into straight, plump women, but... (Actually I have a secret fantasy about setting you up with my best friend, but he's not in Chicago. He's two hours away... He's also a writer--currently working on his MFA. He likes Chicago...)

Hang in there. I know how you feel--trust me. I had my life goal set to be the scary old woman at the end of the street with all the cats who yells at the neighborhood kids to get off the lawn. And then I met my beau when I was 32. We do have three cats though! ;)

Peevish said...

Well personally I think you could carry off the turban, but I'm not so sure it's a good idea...

Pamela said...

Ouch. Whatever happened, we've all been there. Not to minimize your pain. Hope things work out for the best for you, Franklin.

Terri said...

There's that line, "Get thee to a nunnery". Seriously, hope whatever it is passes soon, sweetie

LesleyD said...

I can honestly say that I feel the same way! Although I'm not gay, I feel the same way about men. I've been thinking about the things about men that I like and don't. I've got a child, and going through a divorce. I have realized that I don't need nor want men in my life like my husband was. Not for a long time. Hugs Franklin!!!

ellen said...

What the hell is wrong with the men in Chicago? Personally I think you are a catch - smart, cute, buff, charming, and on good terms with your family. Chicago must be packed full of brainless gits.

Anonymous said...

To quote a card given to me by Erin many moons ago...

"Boys = PU
What more can I tell ya?"

carma
www.dorkybestfriend.typepad.com

Anonymous said...

If you're willing to jump the fence, I'll be a free woman around 10 am today Chicago time.

Respectfully yours,
Mrs. Robinson

Janet said...

life can be grim - where on earth did you find that picture? or maybe I can make up my own mythical setting.

Janet said...

scanning all the comments is better than that Dear Abbey newspaper column.

CarolineF said...

Oh my dear boy you've stolen my photograph! Sometimes giving up is good. It frees up your energy for something more rewarding.

trickytricot said...

Clearly none of the commenters here are gay men in a gay dating world... I'd love to be able to say all the supportive things others have - but honestly, I can't. It sucks - see if there's an extra room at that Monastary - and let me know how often they restock the clean towels.

Sneaksleep said...

I'm tempted to give you discouraging thoughts just so that I can get your yarn (not as sure I'd want Dolores, though). However, it just goes against my nature to actively try to bring people down. What I do know is, enlightenment is not something you look for, it's something that's already in you, and you have to realize and come to know. I think it's much the same with relationships. So I think you're on the right path if you just "give up" for a while and focus on your breathing.

Eldronius said...

How do you even wade through this sea of adoration from your readers?

It always pains me to see people in the throws of despair, and all I can say is "I am sorry, and I wish you well."

Romantic relationships are fickle in defining. Those who have them will tell those who do not they are unnecessary to defin who you are and how to achieve happiness. Those who do not have them declare they are akin to the necessary water involved in all the metabolic processes of life. You decide.

On a side note: If I were still visiting in Chicago, I would gladly attempt to entertain with nonsensical conversation and an entree of Thai food served by transgendered Korean waitstaff.

pacalaga said...

You know, that house could be quite charming with a little work. You could open a B&B.
And please don't wear lipstick that dark. It would do nothing for you.
[smooch]

farm-witch said...

Franklin, as much as your stash inflicted me with the impulse to raid your apartment - I eventually regained my senses. WEll, that and that I am too much the pauper to even make it down there. Seriously, though, it is entirely possible to hate men, swear them off, and still be tethered and tied to one for 15+ yrs. Trust me, I know this. Therefore, the monk idea has innumerable flaws. But it is hardest for the lovers of the world, I'm sorry you're in pain.

mc78 said...

This is the revolutionary costume! I never wear this in East Hampton!

Courtney the Knitting Goddess said...

I have no man-advice to give or happy-ending stories to tell. My thoughts are with you, and I hope that you find peace.

Remember that there are a lot of us (even if some of us are kooky strangers) who think you're wonderful, are glad you share your creative talents with us, and appreciate you.

caitlin said...

one foot in front of the other franklin. and sock yarn. specifically that smooshy they've got over at arcadia. and pie. amazing healing properties in pie.

knititch said...

well maybe the problem is that we always think too much of ourselves in a 'couple way'. and an occasion like a christening can certainly add fire to this feeling. i have experienced that so often. now i have decided that shall use all my bad dating experience as something positive. as a story of being daring optimistic and vivacious. and it is a lovely ongoing cartoon, i dare say.
and when that is said. it is possible. i have gay friends who met in their thirties and has lead lovely lives with all the money other people spend on children's shoes et al., including summercottages, lofts in argentine, flats in rome. and boatloads of friends who has loves them for being there in a most focused way.
i suppose this could easily happen to you!! why on earth not.
i wish you luck in happiness.

deniasha said...

Franklin,

I don't know the words to tell you it will be better, but I've been to the bottom of that same barrel for slightly different reasons. Time doesn't heal all things like everyone says, it just lets us cope. Know that a bunch of us love you for who you are and that we care.

5elementknitr said...

OK. No fair luring knitters with stash and Dolores. I'd given up on men completely, too. 2 months later, I met my husband. Of course, it made a huge difference in my life when I decided to stop dating jerks and basket-cases. But that was just my experiences.

I hope you are OK.

Jennie said...

OMG. I'm afraid it's my fault. After nearly 20 solid years of not dating men, I broke my streak.

I must have created a rift in the gay-sublime continuum. I am so sorry.

I shall step away from the pen!s. It's the least I can do for you. HTH.

knitguyla said...

Franklin, take it from someone who is single again for the first time in 9 years, you just have to keep the faith. It's what will get you through the tough times. Remember, men like you who are truly deserving, always get what's best in the end. Unfortunately, you just need to keep kissing those frogs and eventually the right guy will show up.

Separately, the christening shawl is amazing! Kudos!

mary e. said...

Dear Franklin: Hang in there! I wonder if this month's full moon may have had some factor in the relationship sphere....I've noticed a lot of my girlfriends grumbling about their version of 'that man' and his antics over the weekend. Remember EZ's exhortation to knit with confidence through any crisis. (or something in that line), you've just gotten done with a gorgeous christening shawl for a very lucky little niece. What say you research patterns, and start a little somethin' somethin' for yourself? In the meantime - my thoughts are with you, long distance email hugs!

Adele said...

You have my sympathy, Franklin [passes F the chocolate ice cream].

The next person who says "He'll turn up when you stop looking" gets an intravenous dpn from me for both of us. (My friends keep saying this to me but that mindset just Ain't Gonna Happen and I'm sick of hearing it.)

Dave Daniels said...

Yes.
Men DO suck.
Sometimes in a good way.
And, other times, not so much.
It's your time to find one from the "In a good way" category.

junior_goddess said...

Franklin, my dear, if you lived anywhere near SFO, I would fix you up with my brother. There, I've said it!

Then Dolores and I could go out drinking!

sahara said...

You know, you gotta holla' at me! I know some wonderful brothers who want to commit, don't want it all in 20 minutes, and one's an opera buff!

Sometimes, you gotta change the venue. That pic isn't your future; start traveling. Does he have to be American? Remember, Chi-town is just a place––not THE place.

Patchworkjester said...

Hey Franklin,I know I'm just another one of the masses, but I know the feeling, if only in my own way. I ended an engagement with an amazing man this past New Years' and I'm swearing off being "in love" for a while now. Honestly, its giving me time for discernment about what it is I'm looking for and why I haven't found it in some of my closest friends. Suffice to say, the depth of my friendships has become grander and the friendships themselves have gained facets while also becoming all the much simpler.

Stick with your decision, bro, but keep your heart working. Love is not just for a significant other, but for everyone.