Monday, March 19, 2007

Le Coochie Dancer Malgré Lui

If you've been coming here for a while you know that when it comes to making good on her Big Plans, Dolores ranks somewhere between President Bush and Mr. Toad.

I've been stuck at work so much lately that home, when I was there, seemed relatively quiet and I'd grown hopeful that this, too would pass. I inquired of Harry, who answered evasively and quickly returned to the Ida B. Wells page of his Sistahs with Attitude Coloring Book.

Then, last night, I found something stuck between the sofa cushions:

List

I confronted the resident chanteuse with it this morning when I got home from the gym.

"I wondered what the hell happened to that," she said. "Much obliged, cupcake."

"I take it the show is still on?"

"When an artist is announced, an artist must perform."

"And you've recruited your chorus line?"

"Yeah. Didn't you read the back of the page?"

"The front was more than sufficient."

She flipped it over and held in under my nose.

"Why is my name on this list?"

"I guess I forgot to mention it. I need a novelty act. You're a little long in the tooth, but Lucky Horseshoe people told me I have to cater to all tastes. Do you still have that cop shirt Lars gave you?"

"Yes, but–"

"Fabulous, we're all set. Don't worry, I'm scheduling evening rehearsals since a buncha the other guys got day jobs, too. You know, Genghis is only five-five...how do you feel about a duo number? No tongues."

"I'm not–"

"Listen, I'd love to chat," she said, "But I have an early appointment with the costume designer. We can catch up later tonight. No, I have a date. Tomorrow night, then. Meet and greet with the other guys before the choreographer gets here. Wear something stretchy."

Anybody in the Chicago area have a spare room to rent?

25 comments:

webber the webulous webhead said...

Muskrat Love? What a show..hehe.

Joe said...

No room in Chicago...but you've had plenty of offers in the Philadelphia area.

Tongues, no tongues...all options open...lol

Anonymous said...

...we've got a storage shed out back, here in Los Angeles...a pillow against the lawn mower should be comfortable.

;-)

KT said...

You are killing me (softly).

Wily Jeneric said...

We've got a spare bedroom in NJ, which might make for a long commute (plenty of knitting time, though).

Thanks so much for making me laugh with every post.

Karen said...

I'm not in the area, but you can come out to Seattle, just don't mind the rain...

Anna-Liza said...

Is the room for you or for Dolores? You would be fine--I'd enjoy going out with Dolores, but not living with her!

Although I'd definitely enjoy seeing you in the cop shirt ...

Janet said...

Dolores marches on. I'm laughing (sheepishly).

Knitting Addict said...

No, but any chance you'd be taking this show on the road? I would be first in line for tickets!

I LOVE your blog, Franklin!! I so need the laughs these days, thank you!!

anneonymousone said...

What?! No "Prelude to an Afternoon of a Faun" on a wax paper-comb combo? Dolores could paint the prettiest men as butterflies to flitter about her.

KellyD said...

I want tickets!! But if you really want to escape KY isnt so bad. And she would never find you here!

Lin said...

If the room is for you, I have one upstairs. If it's for Dolores, I'm sure she can find a space between the lawn mower and the snow blower in the garage. You make me laugh.

David said...

You do like cats, right?

Debbie said...

Muskrat Love? Oye Vay

Kristen said...

"Wear something stretchy." Hee, hee, haw. Oh I enjoyed the mental images that brought about!

Anonymous said...

will we get to see pictures of the dancers? Just wondering...

manon

Jo said...

Will the show be going on the road? This sounds like something Dallas desperately needs! I did sort of cringe at "Muskrat Love", I must admit.;)

FiberQat said...

eep.... A sheep doing Rod Stewart.

You did want to explore Portland Oregon, didn't you? The flowers are in bloom and it's above freezing.

MonicaPDX said...

No tongues? Damn. And socks are stretchy...

What I want to know is if you're roped (no doubt literally) into this shindig, who's gonna be official photographer?

Sharon J said...

I'd sleep in the lawn mower shed just for the privilege of having Dolores as a house guest!

Really, Franklin, it's time for the Dolores book series.

karen said...

You can come to Canada and stay at my place, but I think I might like to see Dolores' show. What I really want to know, though, is how does it feel to get 183 comments assuring you that you are going to be a fabulous uncle? Every one of those comments just made me feel so happy for you.

Buzz said...

Now you know you can always sneek up here to the 31st floor and hide out..ever since I had that growling wolf doorbell installed, MsD doesnt come calling late at night asking to borrow a cup of..well nevermind

kmkat said...

What I really, really want to see and hear is Carnival in Venice arranged for harmonica solo.

Carlos Train to Lansing said...

Hey Franklin.
Love your site and work, especially Dolores.

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