Heh. While I think Dottie was most likely the stronger of the two (but not the meaner), she was probably pretty much too pissed to skate a straight line. Or to care about skating a straight line.
I associate Parker with suicidal depression even more than drunkenness, but otherwise my assumptions about the contest were similar to others' here... in short, Parker would be theoretically capable of greater speed and agility than Stein, but probably could not be coaxed into giving a shit for long enough to get around the track...maybe not even across the starting line.
This is an endurance race so durability under pressure is the key. It was a tough call, but I think ole Gertie has Dottie beaten on this one. Even if Alice wasn't on the sidelines cheering her on. As to who's the most fetching in clap skates, Dorothy.
Dorothy of course; even with the booze she's trimmer and fitter. It's a question of when the event is held (relatively early in the day would be my preferance) and what the prize is. A new flask? She'll respond. Love the thought about beaming pix to Wolcott.
In the average street fight, I'd bet on Dottie all the way--depending on how drunk she was.
But in long-track speed skating? Dude, even if she could stay upright that long, she'd never find the finish line... or she'd wander off looking for a drink.
So, as much as I love Dottie, I'd have to go with Gertie for the win in that competition.
Sadly, I'm not familiar with either's works (don't block me for being unejumacated) but Dottie looks so TIRED and Gertie looks so pissed off. She looks like she could draw on some rage to burn up those skates.
Dor-o-thy. Dorothy Hamill (who, I believe, was named for the marvellous Ms. Parker) can skate a little, but she's not a patch on the pointed Dorothy Parker.
Look at their respective output, folks; the long form social commentary as opposed to the short story and the indelible witticism. Clearly Gertrude is an endurance skater while Dottie is a sprinter. And by "sprinter" I mean Dottie would ask some handsome young man to help lace her skates and then wander off with him for a drink before the race started.
franklin? i have a question for you. i have been looking at David over on Marilyn's blog. what the heck is he holding? looks like a sock slung over his shoulder and maybe the ball of yarn in his other hand?
Lord knows I love Dottie, but 3000m? I figure she a) is weak from her recent suicide attempt, or b) will go looking for a drink after 1.5 laps. Gert will be more likely to stick to the task.
It will be the longest 3000 in history, though. This race could go on for days.
Gertrude would be skating and skating, and thinking about winning, and she would skate, and she would think, and there would be more skating (oh, is this a race?!)...and in the end...
You funny.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me? Anybody who wrote:
ReplyDeleteIf I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains
is gonna kick ass in any contest.
Parker.
Heh. While I think Dottie was most likely the stronger of the two (but not the meaner), she was probably pretty much too pissed to skate a straight line.
ReplyDeleteOr to care about skating a straight line.
Convenient that speed skaters don't skate in straight lines.
ReplyDeletemy spouse suggested this celebrity smackdown: james carville and karl rove.
ReplyDeletemrs. parker and her vicious circle all the way.....
anne marie
Oh, Szarka, a big welcome to one of the Army of the Irony Impaired...
ReplyDeleteI pick Gertrude Stein, because the Germans have always been good in the winter sports....
ReplyDeleteI associate Parker with suicidal depression even more than drunkenness, but otherwise my assumptions about the contest were similar to others' here... in short, Parker would be theoretically capable of greater speed and agility than Stein, but probably could not be coaxed into giving a shit for long enough to get around the track...maybe not even across the starting line.
ReplyDeleteThis is an endurance race so durability under pressure is the key. It was a tough call, but I think ole Gertie has Dottie beaten on this one. Even if Alice wasn't on the sidelines cheering her on. As to who's the most fetching in clap skates, Dorothy.
ReplyDeleteThis is a much tougher one to call than Chin/Mondragon. I wonder if either one will have the stamina?
ReplyDeleteHey, my verification word is like a mixed up roman numeral:
dcikxm.
Except for the k.
Franklin vs. Paris whatsername.
ReplyDeletep.s. did you know that "vice versa" is Latin for "naughty poetry"?
Dorothy Parker would be sitting in the bleachers, puffing on her third smoke and finishing her flask when Gertie came around the first lap.
ReplyDeleteIf she knew what a cell phone was she'd be beaming photos to Wolcott.
Dorothy of course; even with the booze she's trimmer and fitter. It's a question of when the event is held (relatively early in the day would be my preferance) and what the prize is. A new flask? She'll respond. Love the thought about beaming pix to Wolcott.
ReplyDeleteHow does the saying go..."Age and treachery will aways overcome youth and skill."
ReplyDeleteBut in this case I guess it would be "Age and treachery will always overcome drunk and bitter."
Wish I could have them both over for a glass of gin...I'd love to sit in the corner and listen to them argue. Wouldn't that be fun?
Gertie, definitely, for all the reasons listed above.
ReplyDeleteFranklin, your readers are the greatest!
-Lynn in Tucson
In the average street fight, I'd bet on Dottie all the way--depending on how drunk she was.
ReplyDeleteBut in long-track speed skating? Dude, even if she could stay upright that long, she'd never find the finish line... or she'd wander off looking for a drink.
So, as much as I love Dottie, I'd have to go with Gertie for the win in that competition.
Sadly, I'm not familiar with either's works (don't block me for being unejumacated) but Dottie looks so TIRED and Gertie looks so pissed off. She looks like she could draw on some rage to burn up those skates.
ReplyDeleteDor-o-thy. Dorothy Hamill (who, I believe, was named for the marvellous Ms. Parker) can skate a little, but she's not a patch on the pointed Dorothy Parker.
ReplyDeleteGo Dottie. Go Dottie.
Oh, I already have.
I have no clue, actually, but I picked Dottie just because I copied her Resume in painstaking calligraphy 30 years ago. Ah, youth.
ReplyDeleteFranklin? Why did I even bother to vote -- especially as my word verification thingy is disabled. I have a blank (just like my mind ?)
ReplyDeleteWhew - after I posted that I got the word thing - cfnvws (canadian frontier news 'n views???)
btw - voted for Gertie of course - my momma raised me right!
Dottie is my literary idol. "What fresh hell is this?" Indeed.
ReplyDeleteDottie was also a prolific knitter during her Bucks Co. years.
Stein? I don't think so.
One perfect rose, one perfect winner....
ReplyDeleteNow, Franklin, you know the celebrity smackdown I'm waiting to see....
ReplyDeleteGo, Dorothy, go!
ReplyDeleteLook at their respective output, folks; the long form social commentary as opposed to the short story and the indelible witticism. Clearly Gertrude is an endurance skater while Dottie is a sprinter.
ReplyDeleteAnd by "sprinter" I mean Dottie would ask some handsome young man to help lace her skates and then wander off with him for a drink before the race started.
This is, of course, not a question to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
ReplyDeleteDotty all the way, or I am the Queen of Romania.
franklin? i have a question for you. i have been looking at David over on Marilyn's blog. what the heck is he holding? looks like a sock slung over his shoulder and maybe the ball of yarn in his other hand?
ReplyDeleteLord knows I love Dottie, but 3000m? I figure she a) is weak from her recent suicide attempt, or b) will go looking for a drink after 1.5 laps. Gert will be more likely to stick to the task.
ReplyDeleteIt will be the longest 3000 in history, though. This race could go on for days.
Gertrude would be skating and skating, and thinking about winning, and she would skate, and she would think, and there would be more skating (oh, is this a race?!)...and in the end...
ReplyDeletekelamin mengeluarkan nanah alat kelamin keluar nanah keluar nanah dari kemaluan alat kelamin keluar nanah kemaluan keluar nanah
ReplyDeletecara mengobati kemaluan keluar nanah obat kemaluan keluar nanah ujung kemaluan keluar nanah obat penis keluar nanah kelamin pria keluar nanah obat kelamin pria keluar nanah obat kelamin pria keluar nanah mengapa alat kelamin keluar nanah kemaluan laki laki keluar nanah kemaluan keluar nanah kemaluan keluar cairan nanah mengapa kemaluan keluar nanah cairan nanah keluar dari kemaluan kencing perih dan keluar cairan nanah cairan nanah keluar dari kemaluan pria mengapa cairan nanah keluar dari kemaluan kemaluan pria keluar nanah penyebab kemaluan keluar cairan nanah cara mengobati kemaluan keluar nanah kemaluan keluar nanah di sertai perih saat kencing mengobati kemaluan keluar nanah pada pria mengobati kemaluan keluar cairan nanah pada pria mengobati kelamin keluar nanah mengobati kemaluan pria yang keluar nanah
ReplyDelete