Friday, July 22, 2005

Out of Time

Once upon a time I was a Boy Scout. I wasn't a good one, but there were a few things I got from the experience that have stayed with me, quite aside from the uniform fetish.

The most useful is the ability to keep my wits about me when thrust into a situation fraught with danger, discomfort, and the potential for personal injury. You're thinking I learned this during wilderness campouts. No. It came from being tossed into a meeting full of screaming hooligans once a week. Nature holds no terrors comparable to that of a group of twelve-year-old boys, at least when you're the quiet kid in the corner who'd really rather be reading Little Women.

And this weekend I'm once again facing a foray into terra incognita more frightening to me in some ways than any forest full of creeping, biting things. Lollapalooza.

It's not exactly the same, mind you. I will have a trusty and considerate guide in C, who is very good at leading me through new experiences with a knack for knowing when I'm going to freak out.

And I not only made it through the Intonation Festival, I had a very good time. So what's to worry about?

I'm not worried, I suppose. Just puzzled. Puzzled at the recurring feeling I get when going to an age-appropriate activity that I'm much, much too old for it. It doesn't help that out of the entire festival lineup, the only person or band whose name I recognize is Billy Idol, and I can only vaguely remember two of his songs because they got played on classmates' boomboxes back in the 80s.

When I was tiny, adults frequently said in my hearing that I acted "like a little old man" and I wonder if they cursed me with this permanent sense of being forever removed from my own generation.

I have trouble even being nostalgic with exact contemporaries. "Remember Duran Duran?" Vaguely, yes. I remember I didn't like them at all, didn't buy their albums, didn't watch their videos, didn't care. Even when I tried to. I once forced myself to spend babysitting money on a stack of cassettes at the mall, classic 80s pop music I knew everybody else was listening to. Forced myself to listen it for a whole week. Hated every minute of it.

But put me in a room with a group of people who were teenagers in the 40s, let them get sentimental about Jo Stafford or Peggy Lee, and I go right along with them. "They don't make voices like that any more." No, they don't, and it's a great pity, and I regret it as much as they do. I didn't hear this music played at home, so who even knows where the taste for it came from?

I am keeping an open mind. I'm truly looking forward to the festival. It is very hard for me to be anywhere with C and not have a great time. He's already made it clear that if it's too much for me I can leave, no hard feelings.

And still I wonder, how normal is it for somebody my age to be having reservations like this in the first place?

9 comments:

  1. ah the things we do for love....
    I never knew who the popular singers were either... "Knights in White Satin......."

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  2. Oh, I'm not doin' it for love, Cheryl. I'm doin' cuz I wanna, in spite of my reservations. One of the best things about C is that he doesn't expect me to do things for love, whether it's going to a concert or knitting a teddy bear.

    I will say, though, that he does have a charming enthusiasm that makes me want to try new things, even when I'm scared of 'em.

    BTW, love the new icon of you. The heart is a nice touch.

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  3. Did you get anything pierced or tattooed for the occasion? Enquiring minds want to know ...

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  4. Music festivals like this aren't much about the music, that's a main point to remember. People congregate for the purpose of congregating and looking the same as each other and, well, for taking chemicals en masse.

    I remember wondering what the deal with the Grateful Dead was. I was a music major (majoring in classical voice, thank you very much, but rapidly being seduced by JAZZ) and after listening to several albums and bootlegs, I knew that the band totally sucked and could barely even qualify for the title "musicians," but I went to a show anyway and had fantastic time because a show was much greater than the sum of its parts: it was a gathering, a community, a happening, a gestalt.

    Personally, I *like* contemporary music and I probably wouldn't go to Lollapaloaof sdfudifzzfaaaafiaoasaaa, so I think you're terribly brave and fierce for taking the plunge, and I hope the whole scene utterly amuses you! Have so much fun!

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  5. Anonymous8:50 AM

    What Rabbitch said.

    :-)

    You never know, you might find a Peggy Lee-esque voice in that Lollapawhoosit mix somewhere...I don't know if k.d. lang is still hanging around that crowd, but her voice makes a body melt.

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  6. I made an icon for you..
    email me and I will send it...I don't have your email..

    Cheryl

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  7. Anonymous7:19 PM

    I think my dad (now 75) was like this, too. He and his best friend used to sneak off to Toronto (from Kitchener) to see the opera when they were teenagers. I think Peggy Lee is too 'pop" for him.

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  8. Hope you survived all the heat and sweat this weekend!! I hear it was a scorcher!

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  9. There's no such thing as "normal," my dear. I dimly recall trying to convince you of that in the distant past. I think you know that now, but sometimes it's nice to be reminded.

    Hope you have/had fun!
    love, birdfarm

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