2. Make it the dominant motif in your pattern for a bedspread.
3. Publish it with instructions sized only for a single bed.
4. Style the photograph to look like Room 148 at Shady Acres Community Home for the Terminally Lonely and Criminally Aged.
5. Name it after a religious movement most associated in the public imagination with never, ever having sex.
6. Wonder why the rising "Me" generation is not flocking to purchase your yarn.
Wait a minute... that looks like my bedroom circa 1968! Hmmm, that could explain a lot... I am so glad you are looking through all those magazines - I'd rather read the summary!
ReplyDeleteHave you ever tried to crochet a bedspread? I have. Believe me, you don't want to make more than a twin bed's worth. It'll make you crazy. I nearly went crazing doing a twin bed. Or maybe I did and you're just a weird hallucination. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're sharing your magazines with us... with your unique spin, of course.
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow.
ReplyDeletethat square looks labor intensive; time only for a single bed in a single lifetime.
ReplyDeletemarie in florida
Why does it sounds like there's more of a story behind this....
ReplyDeleteI know you like redacting old patterns. Have you come across www.antiquepatternlibrary.com? There's all kinds of instructions, from bobbin lace to wax flowers.
ReplyDeleteMy mum crocheted a double bedspread in a vain attempt to quit smoking. When she started, she had plans for making one for each niece. When she finished, she was still smoking and never crocheted again. Maybe if she'd made a single??
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Perhaps the pattern writer envisaged a married couple sleeping demurely and chastely in twin beds? It is a beautiful pattern, though. My great-grandmother crocheted a double bedspread with a miniscule silver crochet hook; it took her a whole year. She was subsequently quite horrible to my mum, possibly out of crochet-related resentment.
ReplyDeletefunny.....
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that pattern is my Ravelry queue- I attempted one square and it is so fiddly and difficult I decided it must have been written for poor old maids to give them something to do to take their minds off their loneliness.
ReplyDeleteThat's a pretty motif...I wouldn't make a bedspread out of it, though...It would be asking to be put in an insane asylum if you're decor already matches.
ReplyDeleteI like it. Feel free to make me one! ;-)
ReplyDeleteSo... you want to receive all the magazines we collectors have been saving for just this very day!
ReplyDeleteHeh heh,
the professionalaunt
My great-gram had some sort of non-Alzheimer's senile dementia that meant her short-term memory was non-existent. She crocheted squares like that all day, every day. At the end of the year, her daughters would get together & assemble bedspreads from them. Perfectly gorgeous. (I think hers were somewhat less fiddly, but not by much.)And, alas, after decades of use, the thread rots.
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome.
ReplyDeleteMaybe instead of bedspread they should have said "burial shroud" or something.
After finishing the twin-sized sample and tying the approximately 4 bazillion pieces of fringe, the test-knitter wound up in Shady Acres Home for the Terminally Twitchy. She was last seen wearing a Pocohantas outfit while also wearing a Pilgrim hat, muttering, "I trimmed one of them a little shorter. But then it stood out, so I had to trim all of them. The last one was a little shorter, so I had to trim all of them. But then the last one was shorter...." Recovery is not expected soon. A larger sample piece was abandoned.
ReplyDeleteOk, so I would like to have that pattern. I know, mock me if you will but I think it would make a beautiful blanket made out of a different weight of yarn. I love fiddly things.
ReplyDeleteOver twenty years ago I began a bedspread, no size determined. I thought I'd make a few squares and see how far I got.
ReplyDeleteThe squares were about a yard to a side, cleverly chosen so I wouldn't go crazy making a bazillion tiny motifs.
I made three, no two the same gauge or size. There's still not enough for a single bed, and I can no longer tolerate filet crochet.
Still, that's a very nice motif....
Came across your blog quite by chance - I'm an embroiderer not a knitter, one very sharp needle is all I can cope with!
ReplyDeleteFound myself laughing out loud at your writing. Will be back again soon to catch up with you and Delores.
You do know Puritan was the name of a crochet cotton company. I have half a bedspread made by my grandmother in my closet with all the remaining balls of Puritan cotton.
ReplyDeleteThat pattern is beautiful.
Hard to believe that in a mere 12 months the nation went from that to Woodstock nation, isn't it? hahaha
ReplyDeleteActually I would LOVE to have that pattern. I have been looking for a interesting pattern to make an afghan for a friend of mine.
ReplyDeleteI would (of course!) be making it out of much thicker and washable yarn. I like my friend but not that much.
Sooooo, it is possible to get the pattern?
Totally loving this series. Please please please keep it coming! (Still snorting with laughter at "I Most Certainly Did Not.")
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!
SEA
Why would anyone do more than a pillow's worth??
ReplyDeleteI like the motif, tho.
I am *so* glad I'm at home. Meant I could laugh at the top of my laugh!
ReplyDeleteHahahaha, your observations are so spot-on.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother (not usually a quitter) once started a crocheted bedspread.
ReplyDeleteIt makes a very nice ornamental tablecloth!
Maybe I should make one of these. It might be like lighting a cigarette to make the bus arrive earlier.
ReplyDelete("Dymobl," word ver. folks? I shall certainly try, but not just today.)
My great-grandmother, who had 13 children and not a twin or triplet in the bunch - used to crochet bedspreads and table clothes like this. I swear we just don't make people like we used to. Of course, I wonder how many kids she would have had if she hadn't had that itty-bitty crochet to brandish at my great-grandfather once in a while?
ReplyDelete...I kinda like it...
ReplyDeleteSee, and I thought it was just a kid's bed. Thanks for setting me straight, Franklin!
ReplyDeleteMarvelous! You just gave me my deep belly laugh of the day!
ReplyDeleteToo many holes for a Puritan bedspread. They're too revealing!
ReplyDeleteDo you think, possibly, that the new "Me" generation knows nothing about the Puritans? So they're walking about, scratching their heads, trying to figure out if they'll look like dorks if they buy the pattern.
ReplyDeleteMojogib. I do like this word verification. I mean, doesn't mojogib sound like a real word?
Reminds me of those fancy crocheted tablecloths that you can never eat on and the cats love to claw...
ReplyDeleteI love it.
ReplyDeletethanks for the laugh! A good way to start the weekend.
ReplyDeleteMy Nana crocheted a double size bedspread for my mother for after she got married. Of course back then the only other exciting thing Nana had - was to collect S&H Green Stamps. God bless her -she crocheted everything.
ReplyDeleteIt's all in the name ... if they'd named it Wedding Bower (need to change the size to double/queen) or Spring Beauty or something, the ambience would have been completely different.
ReplyDeleteCan you tell I do public affairs for a living?
It really is pretty though ... I think, anyway!
So, should they have named it instead the Missionary Bedspread?
ReplyDeleteThat fake wood paneling behind the bed and that oddly low hanging frame on the other wall are so classy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that bed spread looks awfully thin.
Lieutenant Uhura, is that you?
ReplyDeleteIn keeping with a recent trend of giving patterns esoteric names, this one could be Sublimation. Then it would be cool.
ReplyDeleteNow you see I've just started on knitting a double bedspread for lovely daughter. I have until December 2011 to finish it. Your article does not instill me with confidence!
ReplyDeleteSo sexy.
ReplyDeleteWait...
My grandmother crocheted double-sized bedspreads for each of her eleven grandchildren, as well as making each of us crocheted tablecloths (pineapple pattern). I also got a lot of doilies and a lovely cross-stitched tablecloth with tatted edging made by my great aunt. All of the crocheting was with no. 10 or finer cotton and she was really quick.
ReplyDeleteAs is my wont, I skipped several steps in my thinking process when I wrote, "Maybe I should make one of these. It might be like lighting a cigarette to make the bus arrive earlier."
ReplyDeleteI meant that making the spread might keep me out of Shady Acres and bring about the presence of a good man with whom to share a larger-than-single-bed.
See, there was some logic there; it's like Penelope's weaving in reverse. (Gnivaew S'epolenep!)
OMG - I'm not sure if it's legal to laugh this much on a Monday morning! That is just too darned funny. Thanks for the chuckle.
ReplyDeleteCrocheted Bedspreads Are Us: A family friend who lived in Atlanta became a young widow in the 1930s. Her husband had become fairly wealthy, so she didn't have to worry about working, etc. Being a Refined Lady of the South, she spent the rest of her life basically needlepointing chair seats and crocheting bedspreads similar to the one in the picture. And this was before TV and Soap Operas. As much as I love needlework, I think I would have done some serious damage to myself with the tiny little hook if this was all I had to do and think about.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is sad that the thread rots after a while!
Wow, mine would have had a big ole bad assed scarlet A on it.
ReplyDeleteoh i must have one! just the sort of faux victorian kiwi gothic vibe i so enjoy.
ReplyDeletethanks for disseminating these lovely images :-)
Yokele - way funny. Although, as you know, I am a bit of an old lady myself, so I will admit that I wish I had a (queen size) bedspread just like it!
ReplyDeleteIn you war chest of vintage patterns, is there a pattern for lace curtains? I have a couple of windows in the cottage in Michigan that I want to knit curtains for.
Oh my goodness. Your post CRACKED ME UP!
ReplyDeleteI swear, every grandmother I ever had had THAT bedspread - and none of them knit or crochet. Which just makes it even funnier.
OK, yes, but most importantly: where can I find that pattern?
ReplyDeleteThank you admin
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