Idle Questions of a Fevered Brain

While I await the return of my film (yes, film) from the lab so that I can do a proper post about this weekend's rip-snorting good time in Austin at The Knitting Nest, I offer the following points to ponder, transcribed from a page written in a shaky hand at 30,000 feet somewhere over Arkansas.

Q. If I were going to take down an entire jet plane with something in my knitting bag, what would be the best thing to use?

1. Single metal dpn (fuchsia, US size 2) from Boye. (Have never, that I can recall, purchased set of fuchsia needles in any size.)
   
2. 4-foot tape measure shaped like laughing sheep. (Squee, etc.)
   
3. Scrap of paper with mysterious note in pencil to "yo2, k2tog, k6 at next m, dammit."
   
4. Small plastic box containing eight two-inch-long T-pins for lace blocking demonstration.
   

(The TSA's answer is number four, because that's what they confiscated at the O'Hare security checkpoint.)

Q. Which of these is incompatible with lace knitting?

1. Eating a BBQ Breakfast Taco from Salt Lick.
2. Waiting for next available urinal in crowded airport men's room.
3. Looking badass while seated at airport sports bar.
4. Avoiding the attention of woman at Gate 17 who wants to talk to somebody about the emotional and gastrointestinal consequences of her Pomeranian's separation anxiety.
   
5. All of the above.

Q. Which of the following is the best way to cope with the following announcement from the cockpit: "Folks, I need everyone including the flight attendants to be seated immediately, because we're heading into atmospheric conditions I haven't seen in twenty-five years of flying."

1. Grip both armrests very firmly in order to hold the plane up in the air.
2. Promise the Almighty Whatever Is Out There that if flight lands successfully, you will stop screening phone calls from Auntie Helen.
3. Cast on Sharon Miller's Princess Shawl since it's something you've always said you'd like to knit before you die.