"Oh," I thought. "Squirrel."
The squirrel chattered again, and was answered from above by an entire Wagnerian chorus of chatters.
"Oh," I thought. "More squirrels."
And then, as in a cinematic version of The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin
as re-imagined by Alfred Hitchcock, this furry seething river of squirrels started to swarm down the tree trunk.You think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. It wasn't two or three or four, it was two or three dozen, all heading madly for the grass upon which I stood, all chattering in a manner that sounded uncannily like a passel of zombies calling for another round of brains.
There are no photos with this post because I did not stop to take photographs. I beat it, looking back over my shoulder as they tumbled downward onto the parkway, chattering. Chattering, chattering. It's still ringing in my ears.
We have a lot of squirrels in this neighborhood. If they have decided to organize, we're in trouble.
Very Hitchcock! So like the Birds...
ReplyDeleteuh, what have you been smoking...or drinking...or eating...next thing you're going to tell us the squirrels broke into something from "madama butterfly"...
ReplyDelete(shakes her head in wonderment, LOLing all the way)
smooches!
Ok, that is freaky. And not in a good way.
ReplyDeleteUmmm. It sounds like they have organized.
ReplyDeletePerhaps your squirrels have met up with the Yarn Harlot's?
ReplyDeleteI swear, the Magpies are organized in my neck of the woods, and the pigeons are their henchmen.
Has someone been feeding the little buggers? They can get really agressive about food. I watched a herd of them raid a soccer team treat tray and scare the crap out of the mom who was setting up food for the eight year old soccer players.
ReplyDeleteI have never seen a river of squirrels. Makes me shiver to think of it.
ReplyDeleteOnce when we were camping in Yellowstone a red squirrel got mad that we were in HIS campsite. He bombed us with hard little pine cones, which really hurt when they hit one's head.
It's not the N. Koreans that worry me - it's the newly brazen wildlife that keeps me awake at night. The shadow of a turkey vulture crossed my shadow the other day. Where's the dog?!? Look alive, Betsy! Literally!
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought I was the only "nut" to attract unwanted attention from squirrels. I was "accosted" by two rather hungry, large, and fearless squirrels who took a rather keen interest in my almond pastry in a London park. Very troubling indeed. Personally, I think there is a vast squirrel conspiracy out to get knitters. Better hide the good stuff!
ReplyDeleteI always new to NEVER trust squirrels. I once had to battle one for my bike (it sat on the seat and refused to remove itself). And I do have pictures of that!
ReplyDeleteThose squirrels are devious and smart little buggers. Be careful!
ReplyDeleteThis cracks me up. Have you seen the episode called "The Squirrels" from the kid's show "Arthur?" JUST like this!
ReplyDeleteI was once attacked by one of those furry little dudes. Well, at least he jumped on me and it freaked me right on out.
ReplyDeleteI survived, but only because he was unorganized.
I grew up a couple hours south of you on about an acre of yard in a place where that was considered small potatoes. We had about 100 shagbark hickory trees in our side yard. Piss off the squirrels and they'd throw hickory nuts at you. I'm not kidding. So, yes, be very afraid of a squirrel revolt!
ReplyDeleteI used to live on Wisconsin at Fremont. I don't remember any organized, killer squirrels but the ones on the U of C campus were freaky. They'd come flying out of the trash cans every time you'd throw something away. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteSet up the carnival!!!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TEjD6Lhd8
Step one in the squirrel manifesto: Get the humans to blog about us. Tick.
ReplyDeleteGrey squirrels are more than just a threat to red squirrels in the UK. A mate of mine who was postman for a while said his safety training included how to deal with dogs and -somewhat surprisingly to the unitiated- mad squirrels. He told me once he was stopped from delivering the mail at a property because an angry squirrel would not let him get past...
ReplyDelete(grey) squirrels are scary beggars, even before they get organised *shudders* sounds like you had a lucky escape!
ReplyDeleteTheir cousins in the UK are sadly rare, but red squirrels are much nicer. I was often at the red squirrel sanctuary at Formby Point as a child.
Weird. Just weird.
ReplyDeleteWe had a "friendly" squirrel hold my kids and me hostage in our back yard a couple of summers ago. What is up with those creatures?
ReplyDeleteI was taking a walk last weekend and was divebombed several times by a redwing blackbird that thought I was too close to his territory. It was too Hitchcockian for comfort!
ReplyDeleteI had a weird squirrel experience yesterday, too.. although my neighborhood squirrels are probably far enough away from yours to be in a different union. It was first thing in the morning and there on the parkway were two squirrels procreating! Not just doing their little courtship chasing around, but full-on interlocking, right there on the grass.
ReplyDeleteI high-tailed it out of there, too!
Gosh, this makes me think of Veruca Salt's fate in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm glad you're still with us.
ReplyDeletex
It's "That Time of Year" for squirrels, actually just one of the times since they mate twice a year-- just in case you were worried we'd run out of them. You probably saw two or three females and a few dozen horny, sex-starved males chasing them in lusty desperation. As long as you don't raise your tail in their company you should be safe.
ReplyDeleteDid you set this on purpose? The word verification is 'furri'. No furri like a rodent scorned, yup.
It really sounds like Willy Wonka! You must take a peek. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXRt__z8umA
They were after you, darling. Squirrels love nuts! (I can't believe I'm the first one to say this.)
ReplyDeleteMaybe they thought you were holding one of Stephanie's fleeces?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like maybe all the squirrels in the neighborhood were together for a conference. Uh oh.
ReplyDeleteGod heavens, fiber diets really due lead to hallucinations! Or is that hellucinations? Better crochet a few acorns to keep in your pocket.
ReplyDeleteToday I saw a squirrel making off with a pork chop. So watch out! They're on the move, clearly.
ReplyDeleteI'd also bet that there is someone in that immediate area who feeds them. Years ago, when my younger daughter lived in Allen Hall at UIUC in Urbana, I visited her & we sat in the cafeteria in the English basement (around this time of year - actually probably a bit earlier) - the window sill were about waist high but only a few inches above ground level. There were a lot of trees, mainly evergreens, right outside the windows & I've never seen so many HUGE aggressive squirrels in my life. DD said they were always like that & she was a bit afraid of them. Guess they were used to being thrown scraps by the students.
ReplyDeleteIt must be the international year of the squirrel. We have a plethora of them around here too. My friend refers to them as rats with good PR.
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind that these critters can carry rabies too and be afraid.
Oh darlin' I hate to tell you, but they do organize! When we lived in Napa we had some Redwood Trees in our back yard. A squirrel tossed a walnut I had set out for them at my dog. Now my old sweet dog had no idea where it came from and ran around very excited. The squirrel enjoyed this so much he kept tossing/dropping walnuts on my dog and chattering and laughing..with in a month the others joined him and they had a grand time. Well, as the years went on, generation after generation of squirrels in those huge Redwoods had taught each new generation to pelt the dogs (also several different generations) while laughing and chattering. My poor hubby could not figure out why we were getting walnut saplings growing out back! (I never did tell him I was giving the squirrels the walnuts)
ReplyDeleteThe Squirrel Paramilitary has progressed to a frightening degree. http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/12/18/funny-pictures-secret-squirrel-training-facility/
ReplyDeleteFranklin, couldn't you draw us a picture of that river of squirrels? I'll bet it's burned in your mind . . . let us see too! You described it extraordinarily well and I can almost see it myself.
ReplyDeleteGiven our collective history of bad behavior toward other species......
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right! I live one block west of Fremont, and it's nuts this year. I saw some relaxing on some lawn furniture yesterday.
ReplyDeleteYou probably should not visit Colonial Williamsburg in VA. I use to work there and they have squirrel gangs. It doesn't help when the tourists think they are tame so they feed them.
ReplyDeleteMy squirrels are trimming the trees! I keep finding little bunches of leaves laying in the grass, not like the wind blew, but like someone in the tree was clipping them and throwing them down! And I am in CA--, so it is spreading!
ReplyDeleteWhy don't I ever get fun word verification words? desorcom????
In a complete coincidence, I was
ReplyDeleteclearing some old email and
found this:
http://tinyurl.com/4yr92u
Squirrel undies.
Making the world slightly safer,
maybe.
Wow! I've lived a looong time, & I've seen a fair number of squirrels, but these stories are amazing! Maybe Western Canadian squirrels are still too "rural" for any of these shenanigans? lol
ReplyDeleteWe have aggressive squirrels living in my neighborhood, about two miles west of yours. They jump out of the garbage cans, and kept my neighbors from entering their garage.
ReplyDeleteGee, I thought you were going to say that a squirrel crapped on your shoulder...but then I guess that would've been a pigeon.
ReplyDeleteYikes! I sure am glad I live in the country where squirrels are quite aware of various predators and there are various predators to keep them on their toes & in the trees!
ReplyDeletethat happened to me once in college -- streams of scary teen-aged boy squirrels racing toward me -- terrifying!
ReplyDeletethey've got some nerve in numbers.
Tola & I used to live in north Philly - the squirrels there were really FAT in the haunches (like a GMC "dually" pickup), and didn't move that fast. Fast, but not that fast.
ReplyDeleteNow we live in NJ and the squirrels are a lot skinnier in the rear and faster. Aerodynamics ? Different species ?
They do throw nuts at the local humans, tho'.
perhaps they mistook you for a shiny super large nut ;)
ReplyDeletePerhaps they were lemmings with bushy tails. On angel dust.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that. But we have coyotes.
ReplyDeleteA similar thing happened to me on the Univ of Wash campus in Seattle. I had a small bag of vending machine peanuts that I was eating as I walked to my next class. I saw a squirrel and in a gesture of generosity tossed it a peanut. mistake. I heard or sensed a sound and looked up and coming down from all the trees around were many squirrels converging towards me!!! It was actually scary. he one at my feet started to get on my shoe I think to climb my leg. I didn't scream but threw down my bag and ran! The experience is very vivid still after 20+ years.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you weren't in Toronto? Because there is a squirrel army there too, right by the Parliament buildings. Maybe they're squirrel lobbyists, looking for looser peanut laws?
ReplyDeleteDarn it! Roxie beat me to it (I can't quite believe it took that many comments before the inevitable "watch out for your nuts" type of comment! I do feel for you, however, because I have a fear of squirrels jumping out of trees on to my head. It gives me the willies to think about it.
ReplyDeletesounds like they already have...
ReplyDeleteh-a-a-a-a-t-e squirrels. hate.them.
ReplyDeleteFLB (furry little b@stards) eat the fruit off my pear, apple and peach trees. My neighbor used to FEED them, too. :(
However, I have a VERY fast basset (yes, I know, oxymoronic, but he IS fast), so now I have no squirrels in my yard, but several in the neigborhood with shortened tails who apparently did not run quite fast enough for the basset.
As long as they stay out of my yard and my trees, I'm happy.
:)
Phyllis
My husband and I were at wildlife park in Adeliaide Australia, when the Kangaroos suddenly got spooked and started all BOUNDING towards us in an earth thundering herd. fortunately they were the smaller kangaroos, NOT the big greys. It was scary, and we didn't dare open the gate in an attempt to escape, or the roo's would have escaped too. So we stood frozen while the bounded all around us, hitting and bouncing off the fence, before heading back the other way. Very odd indeed.
ReplyDeleteYou should let Stephen King know; he could incorporate it into his next book...
ReplyDeleteBeware the rats with furry tails! You are right to be cautious.
ReplyDeleteWere you wearing peanut butter pants?
ReplyDeleteWanted to say that I LOVED your feature in the new Twist Collective. Literature + knitting = Daisy's dream come true!
ReplyDeleteIf you ever come to Providence (and I hope you do) bring squirrel repellant.
ReplyDeleteWe have one whom DH caught red-pawed (he was stealing lettuce). DH yelled at him to drop it--he did--and the next day, that lettuce plant and the dill next to it were dug up and dead.
Then he came back and bit all the blossoms off of our strawberry plants!
And last year one of them stopped on the neighbor's curb when I said something to him out of a window. He stopped and looked up into my face until I'd finished speaking and them marched straight over to my steps and started eating the Halloween pumpkins there.
I wonder what his gang colors were? Orange, I suppose....
i almost ran over a squirrel when i was out on my bicycle sunday. then it got up, hissed at me and ran off.
ReplyDeletewhen i moved here 8 years ago, i never saw squirrels, now i see 3 or 4 different kinds. they all scare me to pieces.
During our first trip to Chicago, we walked from Millenium Park to the Field Museum. While we were crossing Millenium, a squirrel came running towards us at top speed. We thought it was cute, until we noticed an entire horde bearing down from all directions. There we were, hapless tourists surrounded by the squirrel militia, and us without any food for bribes. Somehow we managed to break through the lines and run for the lakefront. At least then we had the water at our backs.
ReplyDeleteHopefully they were committing mass suicide.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh ... my neighbor & I were just commenting about how strange it is that we haven't seen any small animal lately. Not even a squirrel! I commented that a fisher cat or an owl must be getting them. BUT, you've given me the more sensible answer. They've all left to conjugate in the Chicago area ... they're forming an organized rebellion. Wow!
ReplyDeleteI woke one lovely late spring morning to a scratching noise. I wake up *fast* so I looked to see a squirrel trying to come in my open window (I have no idea why I'd left the screen open a few inches), not a foot away from me. I asked him what he thought he was doing & he inched in a little more! I reached to slam the window down on his little breaking & entering head & he backed out & ran. Little hairball sits on the peak of my porch roof & lounges like the NY Library lions, too...
ReplyDeleteI am laughing so hard right now at work that my coworkers are doubting my sanity. THANK YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a message to Frank. I also live on Fremont in Chicago. There is a squirrel, or maybe it's more than one, who is chitting and chatting and hissing at me. I have a pumpkin on my stump and this little rodent thinks my stump is not his territory. A little scary and more than a little weird! Our squirrels on this street are posessed!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you admin
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