As I enter the home stretch, I keep running across them as I flip through looking for the bits and pieces to be used in finished drawings.
Here's a representative sample:- Miles Topeka to Kansas state fair?
- Where do breasts go?
- Length and curve of blade? Bloody?
- Number of panes in Shetland window?
- Lion? Unicorn?
- Bird and squirrel can be friends?
- Which fricking e has accent and is grave or aigu?
- Fat baby pajamas?
- Wolf toes?
- Would she say this to him like that?
- Mausoleum door locks?
- Ask Leigh how large ballerina ass?
- Ancient sheep face hair?
- Table can support bear? Two bears?
- How big should balls be?
Your encouragement in the comments to the last post is much appreciated. Please don't think I'm whining–the chance to publish a book is a blessing, and my worst day as a cartoonist is better than my best day trying not to smack rock-stupid university alumni across the face.
While the pen's busy the needles are idle, aside from occasional rounds on the second Primavera sock. I'm almost to the toe, and still loving the pattern. I expect to finish book and sock almost simultaneously.
I have promised myself that once the final packet of drawings flies off to Colorado, I may begin Sharon Miller's Wedding Ring Shawl. (Yes, I bought the pattern before it sold out. Nyah, nyah, nyah.) Mine will be worked in a handsome, red Merino laceweight. Of course, it's not as fine as the cobwebby Tinkerbell dental floss Mrs Miller recommends; so if I actually reach journey's end, the finished shawl won't slip through a wedding ring.
I wonder if that means I'd have to call it something else? If you call it a wedding ring shawl when it won't actually fit through a ring, does the Shetland lace cartel send goons to your apartment to shoot out your kneecaps?
Those chicks in Heirloom Knitting look pretty tough. I wouldn't put it past them.
* Internet fun fact: If you Google "Interweave Itches," the first result is my book.
If the shawl won't fit through a small wedding ring, you have to marry someone who wears a really big ring?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you want to know about wolf toes? Aside from five on each front, four on each back?
ReplyDeleteI've always wondered about the wedding ring thing -- I mean what if you marry a REALLY large fingered man. Perhaps Jack's Giant (of the beanstalk fame), would have a ring the size of a hulu-hoop -- does that mean any shawl would be a wedding ring shawl for him?
ReplyDeleteAnd along those lines, does this mean those tiny fingered people aren't allowed to have much more than tiny shawlette because they wear rings the size of bands for braces?
Yes, these things keep me up at night, why do you ask?
Ah, I see you're planning on knitting one of the lesser-known Napkin Ring Shawls!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you and your book! How cool!
ReplyDeleteIf I may, let me throw out a bit of caution, however (and I hate to do it): just make sure you don't get yourself dooced (fourth paragraph from the bottom) by writing unappealing things about your job, as unappealing as the job itself may be. :D
Perhaps yours will be a cockring shawl?
ReplyDelete***Where do breasts go?*** - mine go with me everywhere, why do you ask?
ReplyDelete***Ask Leigh how large ballerina ass?*** - fat bottom girls make the rocking world go round, ya know.
***Table can support bear? Two bears?*** - you and lars?
***How big should balls be?*** - not TOO big.
***my best day trying not to smack rock-stupid university alumni across the face.*** - amazing that they even GRADUATED if they are that stupid. smart people are in the minority; I wish it were the other way around.
and paula's comment - ROTFLMAO!
smooches!
anne marie in philly
well darlin' I think there are other types of "rings" the shawl might fit through...
ReplyDelete"Interweave Itches"
ReplyDeleteI think they have an ointment for that now, don't they?
I can't wait for your book!! It will be almost as wonderful as having you here.
ReplyDelete"Which fricking e has accent and is grave or aigu?" In this bilingual city I ask myself that question way to many times. I now have great French correction software.
ReplyDeleteLove Paula's suggestion. And Ann Marie cracks me up.
I have the answr to Question #2:
ReplyDeleteDown.
In case you're still wondering, an e with an accent ague/acute is...well, technically, the sound doesn't exist in English, but it's closest to the Canadian 'eh?'. An e with an accent grave is the 'e' as in 'wet', 'leg', or 'enchanting'.
ReplyDelete(Actually, this is pretty easy to remember, because the e-accent-ague makes the same sound as as the first vowel in the word 'ague'.)
Oh, and ballerinas generally don't have much ass to speak of.
To echo what several previous posters have said, just get your hands on Bronko Nagurski's ring. Photo from the pro football hall of fame on this post:
ReplyDeletehttp://hpwt.blogspot.com/2007/07/saturday-field-trip.html
Quite curious which Chicago-area university you work for, as my hubby went to the one who likes the color purple and is situated in Evanston. Love your blog. I've been lurking for a while :)
Ballerina's asses are not very big. I'd say a size 2, *maybe* a size 4 at most.
ReplyDelete~Leigh, aka chemgrrl
Search for "it itches" on Amazon UK and you get Marilyn Monroe!
ReplyDeleteYour book is finally available for pre-order on Amazon!
ReplyDeleteMay your workings on the Wedding Shawl be error free. Swatch swatch swatch!
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, "ancient sheep face hair?" is the most hilarious thing in the world to me.
ReplyDeleteSending calm and focused thoughts for the finishing!
Lifelines are your friend. I am working on the Spring Shawl right now by Miller and I can't tell you how many times a bit of floss has saved me. And yes- the tinkerbell sized yarn is a pain in the arse.
ReplyDeleteJust a few things...
ReplyDeleteMy former ballerina cousin has had 3 kids (the youngest is 1) and she still doesn't have much ass to speak of.
I've never seen a real life wedding ring shawl, but I rather doubt it would fit through my size 3 wedding ring. Yes, no, maybe?
If you'd like, I have my best friend's wedding ring from when he married his husband. (He gave it to me before he died.) It is a size 14... do you think that'd be getting close? I can almost wear it as a bracelet...
And am I the only one who has had to resort using the handicapped word verification because the word ones are totally illegible anymore?
"Where do breasts go?"
ReplyDeleteFrom experience- I can tell you- all breasts eventually go south. Trust me on this....
I don't think the Shetland lace cartel uses guns. I'm thinking it's more on the lines of, er, creating wethers.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with Anne, Blogger has made the word verification stupidly difficult this morning!
Yeah, what Paula said. Looks like there are quite a few of us who immediately thought the same thing. And if you're worrying about blades and mausoleum door locks, I'd suggest a supply of stakes. You can never be too careful!
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to think a book about any panicky deadline dreams you may be having might be pretty darned good, too... Courage, mon brave!
The Kansas State Fair is in Hutchinson. Google maps tells me it's 176 miles from Topeka to State Fair Drive, or 2 hours and 47 minutes. (I live in Kansas, but not in Topeka. I bought alpaca yarn at the fair last fall.)
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what they say about a man with big hands, right?
ReplyDeleteHe has a large ring size!!!
(What? What?)
fat baby pajamas made me laugh.
ReplyDeletePaula, I thought exactly the same thing, and it's reassuring that you commented before me. I am not alone!
ReplyDeleteI am administering a standardized test to my students and was afraid I'd guffaw and spoil their concentration (though not, alas, their opinion of me).
I can *never* remember which is grave and which is aigu. I always have to look it up.
ReplyDeleteMy lady friend and I independently pre-ordered your book after your last post...then we broke the news.
ReplyDeleteWe decided any good gay knitter haven needs two copies of this magnificent piece of literature. Delores can visit us any time.
Obviously my mind is in the gutter, because there are plenty of larger rings (clean and dirty) that you should be able to pass the finished shawl through from the rings from milk containers carefully prepared to prevent snags on down.
ReplyDeleteI don't see it mentioned in the comments, but the sketch snippet looks like someone is involved in being part of a human swift. I just hope the yarn is soft, if that is the case.
ReplyDeleteThe fat baby pajamas makes me laugh, because my (16 year old) daughter with a size 0 rear end had fat feet as a baby, and the rest of the pajamas would fit, and the feet would be too tight.
I'm a firm believer in the therapeutic whine. The occasionaly therapeutic whine is perfectly acceptable and a healthy venting of built-up emotions. This is in stark contrast to the whining-because-I-can mode of irritating all those around you. So vent on when the need arises!
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, regarding "Where do breasts go?"--trust me, I've been trying to figure out how to best arrange mine since I started developing them 25 years (or so) ago!
Lessee. I can help with a couple of these. Depends on the size of the bears and the size of the table. Breasts do not go far without the rest of me. Lion? Yes. Unicorn? Yes. Wolf toes? Yes.
ReplyDeleteNyah-ing? Kind of mean! Makes me want to say, "Fat baby pajamas!" Must go change my Favorite Curse Words in Ravelry profile...
Anytime I think of "It itches" the cover cartoon, I laugh..and that is everytime...I love that cartoon and can't imagine what you are going to come up with next..can it really get any better?
ReplyDeleteI am thinking that the lace cartel will send someone to shoot-out something else other than one's kneecaps....
ReplyDeleteHmmm...is there such a thing as "finger caps"????
Yikes!!!
So since both grave and aigu are accent marks, the real question is which way they point, right? Imagine the alphabet is written out in front of you. The aigu (é) points towards the letter a and makes the e say a.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I learned it thirty-plus years ago and it's the only way I can remember it.
Lion? Unicorn? Cheetah? Brontosaurus? Dung beetle? Tribble?
ReplyDeleteI am happy I could make JoVE laugh. this fat bottom girl salutes you!
ReplyDelete"susan wrote: Your book is finally available for pre-order on Amazon!" - thanks, susan! I just put the book on my wish list!
SQUEE!
anne marie in philly
Balls should be large enough so you don't need to join ends too often, & small enough to be portable.
ReplyDeleteThey should all have easily accessible centre-pull threads, & not collapse as the centre gets nearer the outside!
French keyboard to the RESCUE!!
ReplyDeleteé = aigu, sounds like "eh"- no Candian jokes! (more common, feels more natural to write in cursive)
è = grave, sounds like the "e" in "wet" (less common, feels a little like swimming upstream when you write it)
and, just to throw you for a loop:
ê = circonflexe (otherwise known as the little hat, even less common than grave, was used to get rid of silent "s"s like in "forest" - which was changed to "forêt", sounds just like accent grave)
See?!? All those "about as exciting as 400, 150-stitch rows of garter stitch" French classes I took for 12 years have REALLY paid off!
Danielle
Large rings mean larger fingers, and they say that you can judge the size of . . . umm . . . ahem . . . other things . . . by the size of the fingers.
ReplyDeleteLarge rings = good. Just ask Dolores.
I think the obvious response is that not all rings are worn on fingers.
ReplyDeleteI'm just sayin'...
SO cool to recognize your by line in the Interweave Knits... which I just pretty much read cover to cover. CAN'T WAIT for It itches.
ReplyDeleteJust got the Summer Interweave Knits--nice article you got there! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteLove the blog and the boards! I kept laughing out loud. I'm glad I am not the only one who writes cryptic notes in margins. But am I the only one who saw the cartoon and thought "Franklin tied to his desk while he finishes the book? Then I saw the foot/sock and thought, "Oh, his editor's in there too. Must be down to the wire."
ReplyDeleteNice article in IK! One of the highlights of the issue, in my opinion. :)
ReplyDeleteLove the blog and the boards! I kept laughing out loud. I'm glad I am not the only one who writes cryptic notes in margins. But am I the only one who saw the cartoon and thought "Franklin tied to his desk while he finishes the book? Then I saw the foot/sock and thought, "Oh, his editor's in there too. Must be down to the wire."
ReplyDelete