Apples for Everybody!

In honor of National Teacher Day, I salute those who stand up in classrooms every week in a valiant attempt to stem the rising tide of mediocrity that threatens to overwhelm the nation.

By way of tribute, a sampler of unforgettable things my teachers said to me, and what I learned from them (whether they intended it or not).

Teacher	What S/he Said	Why	Lesson Learned
Mr.Wortman (kindergarten)	"Fine, fine, I concede."	My indignant rationale for including a black-and-white photo in a collage of Things That Are Yellow. "It's a banana. Bananas are yellow. This banana is printed in black in white, but it's still yellow."	If you can defend your work cogently, oftentimes people will shut up and get out of your way.
Mrs. Herayda (first grade)	"What a nice bunny! I think you may have a quite a talent for drawing."	My arithmetic paper was covered with doodles in the margins.	When unsure of your subtraction skills, create a diversion.
Mrs. Brown (third grade)	"Charlotte had to die at the end because otherwise the story would not have had truth."	I was deeply, deeply pissed off at E.B. White.	Beauty is truth; and truth, beauty.
Mrs. Hess (fourth grade)	"I don't believe you. This is not real food. I expect you to take my assignments seriously. No credit, and no recess for you today."	We were told to draw last night's dinner at home. We'd had Lebanese food. She had never heard of tabouleh or pita bread.	The person with the biggest desk is not necessarily the person with the biggest brain.
Mrs. Bain (fourth grade, art)	"You're taking the easy way out. Stop drawing the same bunny over and over and show me what you can do."	I had worked my hitherto no-fail bunnies into four consecutive assignments.	No risk, no growth.
Sr. Mary Regina (fifth grade)	"God made you the way you are for a reason. It means you're special. Your life may be hard, but that's not your fault. Be who you want. Don't ever give that up."	We were discussing my tendency to be more...artistic...than the other boys.	You can't judge a nun by her habit.
Mrs. Baldessano (gym, sixth grade)	"I don't care if you're a goddamn pacifist. Kick the ball!"	I wasn't in the mood for soccer, thank you very much.	Not all angry dykes are interested in politics.
Ms. Scharf (twelfth grade English)	"When people in a town like this don't understand you, take that as a compliment."	A female classmate called me a "freak" after I admitted to a fondness for Sophocles.	Better to be a noted weirdo than a noted mediocrity.