Medal Mailbag

I'm trying to be better about responding to e-mails, so when I got the following two amusing notes about the Gold Medal (rather different in tenor than the very kind words so many of you have sent) I decided it behooved me to immediately give them the responses they deserve.

(I quote verbatim.)

From J* in Kansas

Dear Franklin,

I am sorry to see that when you made the medal you put a naked person on it. My children and family look at my blog and so do members of my church. I worked hard and I really wanted this medal and now I can't use it. I can't put a naked picture on my blog. I wish you had thought of how other people live when you made a medal that is supposed to be for everybody.

Dear J,

I know just what you mean. I can't count the number of times I've had to answer the door or the telephone while cooking and come back to find my rice had burned and left a nasty black stain on the bottom of my stainless steel pots. And that stuff doesn't come off easily, either!

If you don't have access to one of those fancy dishwashers with a pot scrubber cycle, try this: bring a mix of clean water and 3 or 4 tablespoons of baking soda to a full boil, and let it continue to boil for a good half-hour or so. (Don't let it boil away!) You'll likely find that this helps to loosen that stubborn black crust enough to allow you to scour it away with a good helping of elbow grease and a piece of steel wool.

Thank you for writing!

Cordially,
Franklin

From L* in Wisconsin

Nice job, asshole. You make a button for a zillion knitters who are almost ALL WOMEN and you put a fucking MAN on it. Fuck you.

Dear L,

Rest assured, it's not nearly so complicated as it seems. Here, in a nutshell, are the rules for turning the corners on your visiting card:

• Upper right corner turned: the visit was made in person
• Upper left corner turned: expression of congratulations
• Lower right corner turned: indicates taking one's leave, also known as pour prendre congé
• Lower left corner turned: expression of condolence to one in mourning

Note that in some regions meanings may differ or be differently shaded. For example, in New York City a folded upper corner (either side) often means that the visit was meant for all ladies of the family. You would do well, if you are newly settled in a strange area, to learn from your neighbors their own interpretations of this custom before turning your cards.

Thank you for writing, and I wish you every success in making new friends.

Yours very truly,
Franklin

*Initials changed because, well, I'm just that kind of guy.