tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post8933773808841716660..comments2024-03-19T03:17:32.682-04:00Comments on The Panopticon: La Mère CoupableFranklinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03670441931649806878noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-26084393015762376302007-06-20T18:53:00.000-04:002007-06-20T18:53:00.000-04:00I am a knitter and a mother of an almost four year...I am a knitter and a mother of an almost four year old. I have knit her cute items, mostly to her request as she loves "shopping" in pattern books. But honestly, if it weren't for ready-wear clothing, my child would be naked still. Or wearing a potato sack. <BR/>As a child, I remember my mother making many of our outfits because she loved sewing...I hated my clothes. I used to beg for the frilly pink dress on the rack and received a simple dress made from left over material. <BR/>In conclusion, I don't think that a mother should feel guilty if her children are happy. I do still feel a pressure to be a 1950's mother. Heels, lipstick and living in the kitchen. <BR/>I get the most pressure about being a working mother. I stayed at home for two years, but if it weren't for daycare/preschool my daughter still would not talk much and not have nearly as many friends as she now does. <BR/>Even if I were a homemaker I imagine people would guilt me for not being an "independent" woman. <BR/>In the end there is always something to feel guilty for, you just have to stand up for life you do live. No stereotypes allowed.Free Range Chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15471689296596213503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-20856332763057140802007-06-20T18:24:00.000-04:002007-06-20T18:24:00.000-04:00One of the difficult things about being a woman is...One of the difficult things about being a woman is the mixed messages we receive. Be a good daughter, wife, mother and don't forget to go outside the home and work to help support the family. I don't see this working well in 2007. I see super stressed women without a moment to themselves. Sleep deprived,not taking care of themselves all in a quandry about trying to balance the guilt of the stay home/career issue. While feminism suffered I think things were simpler when our roles were more defined. Our Guilt is built in our DNA. This quandry and it's by products seem detremental to the American "family" and the kids suffer. I don't know the answer-I was a stay at home mom who felt guilty(sometimes made to feel guilty by "Career Women" ) not to be adding to the family income. But, on the bright side-now that my kids are grown,they have all told me how much it meant to them that I was home when they came home from school!! I hope they can be as lucky- but todays young parents all seem to "need" to work so they don't have to go without anything. We went without a lot(only one car for awhile in an area where car transportation is it)but didn't think too much about it. It's a different world. Some better, some not.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-22770784420070043962007-06-17T00:23:00.000-04:002007-06-17T00:23:00.000-04:00It's totally mommy-guilt! I'm a knitter, I have k...It's totally mommy-guilt! I'm a knitter, I have knit many things for my daughter (in fact, since the moment I found out I was pregnant until now, most of the things I have knit have been for her) BUT, I still feel guilty that I never made her a blanket. She doesn't even like blankets, but I still feel guilty. I even startedto crochet one, but I just loose interest in blankets--can't do 'em! So, I hang my head in shame, as a mom and knitter, in fact, I still have baby blanket listed on my unstarted objects list on my blog....kdy12570https://www.blogger.com/profile/15963317253710381221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-84367900132621480632007-06-14T11:20:00.000-04:002007-06-14T11:20:00.000-04:00I think my mom suffers greatly from the kind of th...I think my mom suffers greatly from the kind of thing your non-knitter experienced. my grandmother was a force of nature in her crafting. she did everything and did it well.<BR/>my mom made me a few costumes growing up, but really doesn't like sewing or cooking or doing crafty things very much. the craft bug skipped a generation and bit me hard. i knit, soap, grow herbs, cook....and my mother looks at me, remember her mother and feels like she should be more like us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-64324885876785640912007-06-14T08:38:00.000-04:002007-06-14T08:38:00.000-04:00What that nicely dressed woman, who was probably c...What that nicely dressed woman, who was probably commuting to a great job, said is right on, baby. Everything and nothing has changed. What has the revolution brought? Today there's there's guilt if you do work, guilt if you don't, no kids or female gender required!New Jersey Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13683315323732383804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-46338847612076483272007-06-12T08:11:00.000-04:002007-06-12T08:11:00.000-04:00As a mother, I can say whole heartedly that I feel...As a mother, I can say whole heartedly that I feel a lot of guilt about a lot of things that I shouldn't give a second thought to. I feel guilty every day that I'm not doing enough and not living up to the standards I think society has set for motherhood - especially a stay at home mom, which is a whole other ball of wax! <BR/><BR/>Interesting observation!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-65245359504218598322007-06-11T19:27:00.000-04:002007-06-11T19:27:00.000-04:00I don't know if it's a mother-only thing, but I su...I don't know if it's a mother-only thing, but I sure thought I'd be knitting little baby sweaters while pregnant. Finally made the first sweater for the kid when he was 5. Years. Yeah, there's guilt.Jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03231116607977696313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-54244383588740963312007-06-11T13:42:00.000-04:002007-06-11T13:42:00.000-04:00Another one de-lurking. As I was reading through ...Another one de-lurking. As I was reading through the comments, I thought, "I don't feel guilty about jack shit. I am not a parent, I am not a feminist, I don't care if I am not a supermodel, I knit for myself almost exclusively," etc. etc.<BR/><BR/>I am riding the fence on what kind of guilt it is. I do think there is a parental guilt, and perhaps it affects moms more than dads. It is a complex phenomenon, and while it may largely be a native instinct to protect, nurture, and raise our kids into functional adults, we also have this culture of competitive child-rearing that just isn't helping things. <BR/><BR/>There's woman-guilt, too, and while it is no doubt fostered/promoted in the media, by industries/business that make money off our insecurities and stuff, at some point, we have to stand up and say "enough already," if not publicly and en masse, then at least to ourselves. I can't remember the last time I read a women's/fashion magazine, and I have to say, I've never felt better about myself. <BR/><BR/>And then while I was thinking all my smug thoughts of guilt-free living, I remembered feeling HORRIBLY guilty last week. My husband's allergies had gotten worse and worse -- so bad he finally got the full battery of allergy testing (no small thing, he hates anything medical). The two worst things on his test were pet dander and dust mites, and I felt guilty for not keeping a cleaner house, because obviously, that's what I should be doing instead of knitting.<BR/><BR/>That night after work, I cleaned until my back was sore, vacuuming every room twice, dusting all the furniture and the objects thereon, pickup up dog hair wedged at the baseboards that the vacuum couldn't grab, mopping, and refusing his sincere offers to help (I did let him bring me a glass of wine, which I did sip whilst vacuuming).Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10429645839840084675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-8969374705673178932007-06-11T13:20:00.000-04:002007-06-11T13:20:00.000-04:00We screwed up in the '70s. Instead of getting mat...We screwed up in the '70s. Instead of getting maternity leave or mommy-insurance, we examined our feelings. Now we have to juggle a job and a house. Screw my feelings, I want pay. And I want my daughters to get paid.<BR/><BR/>This topic brings up another weird tangent. Most people I run into would not pay for hand-knitting. After all, their grandmothers knit, crochet, quilt, whatever....so your commuter pal was kicking herself for participating in a devalued activity. That's wrong on a bunch of levels.<BR/><BR/>And concerning your Red-Line admirer...you are as bad as a woman. We make horrible choices because we don't know that we are worthy of admiration, nice dinners, meeting fun people, etc. You stop it right now! You can deserve nice too...whether it's a friend, or something else. Maybe he just wants to learn to knit. Take a later train home, go have a cup of coffee at a kiosk....Delores will hold the fort down. heh.junior_goddesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00014909174642487572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-32266130793383390032007-06-11T12:01:00.000-04:002007-06-11T12:01:00.000-04:00just a thought- the bra burning phenomenon began i...just a thought- the bra burning phenomenon began in a time frame that directly coincides with global warming amd the "hole in the ozone layer"...could the following hypothesis be true:<BR/><BR/>Feminism caused global warming by encouraging the burning of millions of toxic synthetic fabric bras?Tracey, in MIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01578570052357234065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-51942492901581014542007-06-11T08:14:00.000-04:002007-06-11T08:14:00.000-04:00Do me a favor. Next year at this time, go back and...Do me a favor. Next year at this time, go back and look at the christening shawl photo. You will see what we see, an amazing work of art. Not cheesecloth. (I've seen cheesecloth; I've put cheesecloth through the washing machine; and let me tell you, THAT is not cheesecloth.)nosenabookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09066810098426775837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-44068574142932158992007-06-10T22:29:00.000-04:002007-06-10T22:29:00.000-04:00I have three kids aged 20, 23, and 25. I worked fu...I have three kids aged 20, 23, and 25. I worked full time with all of them, many times being away a week at a time at trade shows, cooling my heels in hotels in garden spots like Anaheim and Atlanta. I missed every prom my eldest ever attended, though I made every formal she ever wore. I got my best friend to come over the do her hair. My husband, bless him, managed the household by training der kinder to do laundry, take care of the livestock, and do food prep. When I had the chance, I used to make them sweaters and tee shirts and the odd bits of clothing, taught all three of them to use the sewing machine and knit (it stuck in certain spots to all three: the eldest likes to make home dec, the middle child sews and knits, the son sews when he's inspired which mostly revolves around Japan, samurai and Halloween. I refuse to feel any guilt about a) parenting, b) the quality of the clothing my kids had whether it was from garage sales, my hands, or brand new from the store, or c) the amount of time I spent with them. We all had to do our parts in the family "economic unit" to make ends meet; we all did our parts with everything else. Whatever the kids wanted to do badly enough was supported by us and we made sure someone was there to cheer them on. "Mommy guilt" is just another media-generated thing put on American women to sell magazines. In the end, all that counts is: are the kids warm, fed, clothed decently, get their homework done, cuddled and hugged. Period. Everything else, as the rabbis say, is commentary.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-8438199809434262872007-06-10T13:51:00.000-04:002007-06-10T13:51:00.000-04:00Your grandmother must be a hoot :-)...and the not-...Your grandmother must be a hoot :-)...and the not-knitting-mother-guilt...yeah, from my perspective of a mom who knits, not knitting for your children would be cause to feel guilty, but since this Mom doesn't knit at all, that's equilvalent to me feeling guilty for not building my child a house (i.e., silly; I am not a builder).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-47985678952677866112007-06-10T10:40:00.000-04:002007-06-10T10:40:00.000-04:00And the irony is, of course, that handmade clothes...And the irony is, of course, that handmade clothes and baby items have become, through the cost of materials and the time it takes to make them, "luxury" items in some sense. When the yarn for an infant sweater can set you back $50 and you have to find the hours to make it, while you can go to Baby Gap and pick up something intricate and cashmerey for the same amount.... the handknit item is almost a status symbol of its own.<BR/><BR/>My grandmother knit because she couldnt' afford to buy sweaters for her family. Now I can buy a sweatshop-produced sweater for a fraction of the cost of the yarn to make it myself, and I knit ... for other reasons. Partly, maybe, in solidarity with my grandmother and her kin.BroccoliEaterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01617721483953789523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-79230513661095440792007-06-10T10:36:00.000-04:002007-06-10T10:36:00.000-04:00Until a few years ago I too felt that guilt. Mostl...Until a few years ago I too felt that guilt. Mostly because my mom had made my clothes, her mom made her clothes and I had never had the urge to until my little one was born and my grammie made her a blanket...I realized it was time. It took me about 10 minutes to decide that I loved making things for them. But even more now all THREE of my kids can at least knit and purl.Thanks for posting that one.Elephunninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07196875314774292543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-88543878054765585812007-06-10T09:16:00.000-04:002007-06-10T09:16:00.000-04:00I have knit for my daughter, who is now 14, and ma...I have knit for my daughter, who is now 14, and many nieces and nephews, but it is never enough. I attribute my vagues sense that it is never enough to this equation: infinite love + the passing of time = panic.<BR/><BR/>As a middle school teacher I will say that too much guilt is not good for kids when it leads parents (moms and dads alike) to try to give them everything. Nobody can have everything and we all have to learn to accept that!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-17943336685681757632007-06-10T08:58:00.000-04:002007-06-10T08:58:00.000-04:00Wow, Franklin. Can. Worms.I always believed Femi...Wow, Franklin. Can. Worms.<BR/><BR/>I always believed Feminism was designed to let all people, men and women, choose their path rather than be constrained by pre-existing gender roles. That idea seems to have been sidetracked or forgotten.<BR/><BR/>Mommy guilt- there is a neverending source. I buy clothes a thrift stores to save money and promote recycling, then I feel guilty when I see other kids in perfectly matching outfits. I handknit scarves for all the teachers then feel guilty because I don't buy them lavish gift certificates. I work full time protecting the US public health but I feel guilty for not attending the Afternoon Tea at my daughter's school. As my husband says, you can only do what you can do. But the guilt lingers. The best we can do is to accept the choices we make and try not to judge the choices of others.Brewgalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650946087107082685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-24870457543988864292007-06-10T01:55:00.000-04:002007-06-10T01:55:00.000-04:00Guilt from ourselves is one thing but the guilt he...Guilt from ourselves is one thing but the guilt heaped on us from our well meaning (or not) family and friends is just unneeded. I went from a working wife to a stay at home wife and mother. I love my choice. Note the word choice! I think all women should have that choice and when we make it, we should embrace it. Nurture it and live the best you can with it. Women, be kind to each other, enjoy our differences, Wow, you are a homemaker! And Wow, you run a corp., should be the kind of responses we give to each other. Both of these jobs take courage, determination, will power, knowledge and sacrifices. <BR/>Just my thoughts <BR/>A Wife, Mother of a challenged student, Native artist, Knitter, Daughter, Sister and FriendAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-52836408794315441462007-06-09T20:19:00.000-04:002007-06-09T20:19:00.000-04:00"I'D WAGER THAT DOLORES HAS A DIFFERENT MEMORY OF ..."I'D WAGER THAT DOLORES HAS A DIFFERENT MEMORY OF THIS EVENT."<BR/><BR/>LOL.... Bless her heart, I'd love to hear what Dolores was up to on that fateful day ;)Andrea Rusinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07100786820614125551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-37898219245420138352007-06-09T17:04:00.000-04:002007-06-09T17:04:00.000-04:00I wanted a member of my family to knit the christe...I wanted a member of my family to knit the christening gown for my youngest, and was "cut to the bone" when my MIL suggested I ask at the LYS if somebody would knit it for me! <BR/>If I'd had the time I would do it myself, but I was too busy changing nappies/feeding/being deprived of sleep. When my sister presented me with a gown knitted by her own fair hands - I SAW the love! <BR/>The rest of the time, the little beggars get their stuff from the store - they don't like handknits!! lolFlavaknitshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04266688823301335965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-30273129191644531342007-06-09T16:19:00.000-04:002007-06-09T16:19:00.000-04:00You're coming to Seattle in July? Really? MaryBYou're coming to Seattle in July? Really? MaryBAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-53189896365292281612007-06-09T16:02:00.000-04:002007-06-09T16:02:00.000-04:00"For the record, there wasn't a day "when they wer..."For the record, there wasn't a day "when they were truly burning bras". That's an urban legend. It's a reference to a tactic used by the feminists of the 60s -they called them zap actions- specifically at the Miss America pageant. They crowned a sheep -or some farm animal and carried signs about judging women for more than their appearances."<BR/><BR/>I'D WAGER THAT DOLORES HAS A DIFFERENT MEMORY OF THIS EVENT.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03932975112078606231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-2819052577780880172007-06-09T12:36:00.000-04:002007-06-09T12:36:00.000-04:00Franklin,After the wealth of comments you have on ...Franklin,<BR/><BR/>After the wealth of comments you have on this one, I'll go for the petty. Are you going to be in Seattle in July? I might just have to come south....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-77439596028019173302007-06-09T09:00:00.000-04:002007-06-09T09:00:00.000-04:00God, I haven't thought of the pencil test in years...God, I haven't thought of the pencil test in years. If a pencil could be held under your boob they were droopy and you were forbidden to horrify innocent bystanders by going braless. <BR/> <BR/>No mommy guilt here, but one reason I never made a push to find someone to breed with was b/c I was convinced I'd mess up their little minds and they'd end up at the top of a clock tower or something. Now I (sort of) wish I'd taken a shot at it, I couldn't have done worse and would probably have done better than some people I know. But then the urge passes, thankfully.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10901468.post-57722175572000294542007-06-09T08:22:00.000-04:002007-06-09T08:22:00.000-04:00hmmm have wrked with mom's for nearly 18 years.......hmmm have wrked with mom's for nearly 18 years.....have heard lots of guilt but this one's new to me.<BR/><BR/>The only time I ever feel guilty about knitting- is when I knit for someone elses kiddo- and my own kid has no hand knits that fit;) (my youngest- my 2 teen sons have no desire for knits- and would let the cat sleep and hack hairballs on anything I'd knit for them)<BR/><BR/>But it usually just provokes me to knit myself something...<BR/><BR/>My opinion- that poor lady was a guilt riddled kook. <BR/><BR/>ps- i love your grandmother. Must wear bra. (ummm I think mannequins should too- at this point- when exactly did it become necessary for mannequins to have nipples? And WHY? <BR/><BR/>Anyways- Bras are a must.<BR/><BR/>Girdle? Not so much.Tracey, in MIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01578570052357234065noreply@blogger.com