Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Ten Alternative Ways to Say "I Love You" to a Knitter

  1. The lady at the yarn shop said you like cashmere but she wasn't sure which color to suggest, so I just bought everything she had.

  2. You shouldn't have to pull boxes out from under the bed every time you need to get a ball of yarn. Let me give you my closet.

  3. Which would you prefer for vacation this year, sweetheart–New Zealand, the Shetland Islands or Rhinebeck?

  4. Is that all you want? Why don't you have another look around in the sock yarn while I get out my credit card?

  5. You look so hot when you're reading lace charts.

  6. I can see you're counting, so I'll just make dinner, clean up afterwards, and put the kids to bed, so that when you're finished you won't have to wait for me to massage your hands. Okay?

  7. Too much yarn? Don't be ridiculous. We can always add another room.

  8. But, dearest, I think it would be silly for you to have only one spinning wheel.

  9. It's called "Koigu." Do you like it? Is twenty pounds enough to make a sweater?

  10. Put down those needles and come here, you sexy thing. One more row? Of course I'll wait.

101 comments:

dragon knitter said...

oooooo i'm first! happy valentine's day to you, too, franklin!

Eldronius said...

It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Reading this entry that is...not eating yarn.

I need orange said...

I love how you think.

Twenty pounds of Koigu? Well, maybe enough for *part* of a sweater...... :-)

-- Vicki in Michigan

Jasmin said...

My favorite one is "You should spend my bonus at Stitches."

Anonymous said...

[huge sigh]
Thank you for getting it exactly right, Franklin (as always).

Happy Valentine's day

Lizbon said...

Music to my ears. I'm going to go float away now.

hugs said...

I think I will put this on the fridge for Mike. I think I'm getting a fancy dinner, but I really need more yarn and a new tape measure. One of our dogs ate the sheep one that I had. She was just overzealous about herding it into her chair.

Carol said...

All the good ones are gay, aren't they?

anne marie in philly said...

right on, carol!

NO (hetero) MAN would EVER say these things to his woman.

except for maybe aidan or jonathan, since they are in touch with their feminine sides (more power to ya!).

did you and dolores exchange gifts yet?

sending franklin a little luv today...

--Deb said...

You sweet talker, you!

Rosi G. said...

I should give you my hub's email addy so you could give him a few pointers. Sweetheart that he is, he DID go to The Yarn Tree to get me a little something for Christmas....after I nudged him in that direction!

But men need to remember that yarn works as a gift for ANY holiday! INCLUDING secretaries day, martin luther king's day, groundhog day...

Anonymous said...

Oh, Franklin, you always say just the right thing. Thank you.
*smack
CC Mary

Liz said...

Perfection!

Emily said...

Looove it!

Brenda said...

Exactly right! And very funny.

Penny Karma said...

You had me at Cashmere.

SallyT said...

Oh yah!

Dawn said...

If only. . . I think #6 is my most favorite, although they would all make great gifts.

Sean said...

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

xo

Mel said...

Why, David says those things to me all the time. Except for the making dinner part. The kitchen is my realm.

Terri said...

Items #1-10 should be course descriptions for required sensitivy training for non-knitting spouses and signficant others.

If I find those classes, Dear Hubby is so going to sign up!!!

Pamela said...

One can only dream...

kmkat said...

E-mailing this to my husband RIGHT NOW. He's a sweetie, but he hasn't quite caught up with me in the knitting and yarn department.

Happy v-day to you and thanks for the present-y post!

Laura said...

My husband has said #4 (or words to that effect) to me...

and he is straight.

Anne said...

Oooh - #6 would get me every time :-)

Sarah said...

Happy Valentine's Day! Thanks for the list -- I'm going to e-mail the link to my husband ASAP. (He's done pretty good so far today, but saying anything from the list would make him Perfect Fantasy Man.)

Lucy said...

I'm going to save that to read on chilly days. It just warms me all up inside! Happy Valentine's Day to you!

FiberQat said...

You have such a way with words.

Happy Valentine's Day.

April said...

Sigh. A girl can dream.

Happy Valentine's Day, Franklin!

Is the apartment overflowing with floral arrangements from all of Dolores' admirers?

Kathleen said...

How true it is.

otter said...

Thank you for the fantasy of the day, although my sweetie did get me some recycled silk for my b-day (after blatant hints)

Klari said...

Well, print about 3 987 546 copies of it, frame them, set up a shop.
You will become a zillionnaire very quickly, and you'll only have to work one day per year in February. And you can knit the rest of the year.

Opal said...

So spot on.

AJ said...

I love it! Maybe I should show this to the Hub...

Stephanie said...

# 6 is SO dead sexy.

Cindy G said...

Yes, indeed. Happy Valentines Day.

Margene said...

Ah, the man of our dreams.

Cindy said...

Hi, Franklin! Happy cashme--um, Valentine's day!

I sent you an email about commissioning your work a few days ago. If it didn't get through, would you contact me, thanks!

Lee Ann said...

Thanks for adding ten more items to my already active fantasy life...

My husband is one of those people who resents the card companies for trying to make him express his love in a material way on a particular day.

This is male-speak for "I f*ing hate shopping."

David said...

Did you get that out of the Stepford Guide for Spouses?

Yvonne said...

Can I have that on a T-shirt please?

Perhaps if I was to wear it long enough the message might sink in!

Mama-E said...

oh my... that is sexy!

Victoria said...

Honey said "Thats just wrong!"; I say "So true, right on the mark."

Kristen said...

Ow, baby! Will you be my Valentine?!

ISABELLA said...

I found your blog today,
Glencora shawl named for Lady Glen?

Knitting Addict said...

Oh, how I wish my husband thought the way you do, Franklin!

Perfect, each and every one of them!!

heather said...

Happy Valentine's Day, this list made me laugh. Thanks!

knititch said...

oh girls i think some men find knitting women very sweet and sexy. but maybe these men don't make husbands. i love the lace chart one. so absurd.

Ann said...

That was a great list! I get yarn or needles for every present-giving occasion and I once got him to make scones for a knitting group at our house. He's a keeper.

Sarah Hauschka said...

Be still my heart!!

Happy Valentine's Day. May you find such a lover!

Sarah

Knitting Painter Woman said...

The first erotica of the day. mmmmmmm

Wily Jeneric said...

It's good to be partnered with a weaver. He understands yarn lust and has said #4 at several yarn stores, Rhinebeck and Maryland. Thanks for reminding me of how great he is.

Anne said...

Maybe I should reconsider the marriage proposal from the gay man...

Laurel said...

Yes yes yes yes yes please.
And Happy Valentine's Day to you, sir... and thanks for your post about Librarything before... I have become obsessed

Carol said...

If only...

webber the webulous webhead said...

After coming home from a long, tedious Valentine's Day in the darkroom...this was very amusing. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Franklin, could you give classes? I know plenty of knitters who would sign up their SO/DH's in a NY minute! You could make LOTS of money! Or maybe you'd prefer that we pay you in yarn? Cashmere?
My DH thinks that I have enough yarn already... sigh!
XOXOXOX
Maria
-blogless in NY

tentenknits said...

hilarious!! thanks for a smile.

Shannon said...

Perfect and hilarious...thanks for that.

Wendy said...

Everything on your list was so spot-on except for one thing: No real knitter would drop their knitting for a hand massage. Knitting IS hand massage!

Happy Valentines Day, sweatheart.

kathy in juneau said...

#6 made me swoon.

MonicaPDX said...

You only left out a very important one:

11. Honey, I found this great blog by a guy named Franklin I think you'll love...

(Laughter is one of the greatest gifts. As well as yarn. [g])

john said...

Yeah. Ahhhhhhhhhh. *sigh*

marie in florida said...

hug hug hug; smooch on the neck!

farm-witch said...

when you are done boiling the potion, please pop a vial in the mail ASAP - I think I can help you transform the NorthEastern population!

mary e said...

Oh my heavens!!! I have printed several copies of Ten Alternative Ways, and they're on the refrigerator, the bathroom mirror, pinned to his pillow, on the dashboard of his car, tied to the collar of 'his' dog... on the stack of reading materials in the loo, in his tool box....and probably a few copies will show up in his wallet, the underwear drawer, taped to the remote, glued to the telly..... Thank you sweetie for a wonderful St. Valentine's Post!!!

Mandella said...

I have printed this out for my husband. I may even frame it for future reference! I see I'm not the only one.

If that doesn't work, can I airmail him to you so you can teach him that it's possible for a man to love yarn?

KellyD said...

Franklin,
After reading all of the posts above, I second all of them. Well, except for the DH/BF part. I traded mine in for an iguana several years ago and traded up. I'd marry you in a minute.

Bev in TN said...

I am in love with yet another imaginary being :-)...um, there isn't really an actual person who says things like that, is there (see, all pessimists are just hopeless optimists who have disappointed too many times).

Carla said...

Franklin, I read your blog but I don't think I have commented before now. I had to say, a bit belatedly, that I, too, went to a nutty religious school, and one of my coping mechanisms involved keeping a quotation book into which I copied copious amounts of E.M. Forster, among others.

Plus, obviously, I knit.

Thanks for your blog. The Valentine's day list is hilarious.

Cheryl :) said...

I got a card. :(
I don't know why bloglines is sending me your posts from a year ago........
Hope you had a good day...

anneonymousone said...

I got dumped by a man who looked promising until a week and a half ago, when he lost his mind. (Our first conversation was when we were getting our vehicles' oil changed and he asked me about my knitting. I know, meeting at the Jiffy Lube sounds like the basis of a perfectly crass joke.)

Your post healed a lot of the rough spots that are left over in my heart. It's not your job to do so, but I thank you.

Maybe the next man will be straight, hyperliterate, AND a knitter!

mad angel said...

You are brilliant. simply brilliant. I sent a copy of your list to my hubby. We shall see what we shall see. ;-)

Devorah said...

Did you get this list from my husband? The man who willingly drives me to Rhinebeck and has twice surprised me with spinning wheels?

Abigail said...

Have you met my husband? He does things just like that!

Happy belated Valentines Day. Give Dolores a hug for me:D

Mary Peed said...

I swear, Franklin, you have the best fantasies.

Gaile said...

Can I send my man to you for training? Puleeeeeeease?

brewerburns said...

Perfect.

Anonymous said...

Franklin, May you purrrrrrrrrrrl happily ever after!

Sheila said...

I'm copying this and putting it on the fridge just in case I meet someone. It always helps to have a list of relationship requirements in case one gets all mixed up in the, uh, emotinal side of it.

Anonymous said...

This is fabulous! You've made my day....Thank you.

Anonymous said...

That is EXACTLY how you say I love you to a knitter! But then you know that.... Happy Valentine's Day!

Holly Cox said...

A sleeve maybe?

Holly Cox said...

Thinks...20Ilbs as in weight right ?I have no idea as we weigh yarn in grams .It also depends on size etc but if you had meant weight cos obviously you think in Dollars then apologies.

colleen said...

This is too funny. Can you email my boyfriend with this?

tarateve said...

Frankline, I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU! Could you come to NC or can I just come to wherever you are and move right in? Maybe it would be best if you could just have a chat with my husband and see if that works out first. Oh did I say that I am so totally in love with you?
~~Lots and lots of lovies, Tara

make-root-beer said...

As you're growing up as a teenager, there are a number of things that you look forward to; getting your drivers

license, graduating from high school, going to your senior prom, having your first date and having your first beer.

The problem with this last one is that the drinking age and the thing you want make it something that you just can't

have yet. And still, you want it and will go to any lengths to get it.

Underage beer drinking is certainly no secret and to try to sweep it under the carpet isn't going to make it go

away. But the most odd thing about underage drinking when it comes to beer is that even after kids sneak their first

beer, they still want to have another one. If you're wondering why that sounds so strange then you need to think

back to when YOU had your first beer. It was pretty nasty tasting. Let's be honest, beer is bitter and is an

acquired taste. Very few people, if any at all, enjoyed their first beer. Many even get sick after it because of the

taste or the fact that they're not used to the alcohol yet.

Sarah said...

One day....one day....

But seriously Franklin, I'm going to be in Chicago this weekend and I'll need some knitting time.

Marlena said...

#1 made me laugh. At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, I brought my boyfriend to a craft store who was going out of business. Who knew this humble store had sold such marvelous yarn? Including Royal Cashmere, which was 40% off. Seeing my elation, but also sensing that 40% off cashmere is still expensive yarn and I probably wouldn't buy any, he bought a sweater's worth for me! Doubly awesome, because this left me free to buy a sweater's worth of Debbie Bliss' Pure Silk, also 40% off. If I didn't like living in sin so much, I would marry him.

Jo said...

List printed and posted on fridge.
Much grumbling by DH as he read.
Which will explain why he is EX-DH next year!

LOVE THIS POST!

Linda said...

I can't decide whether being given the closet or all the colours of cashmere is better.

k2 said...

Be still my heart!!!!

Ladman said...

re all American Men sooooooooo romantic?
I might move than from the cold yarn climate here in Holland and settle me in warm and woolly America and than.... Franklin I will call you first when I arrive and say one of the sentences you like to here!!

Sarah said...

I have a cold and I'm sick as a dog, my car was totaled in an accident a month ago and I still don't have wheels, work is kicking my butt... I just read your valentines day post and I laughed out loud here at the office. Thanks for brightening my day :)

Mr. Sandman said...

My wife sent this to me. How do you feel about being named as a respondent in our eventual divorce proceedings? ;-)

Seriously, this was kind of funny (and very true!).

kitkatknit said...

You are not alone. You want to know how many times I've "flawlessly picked up stitches for the gusset without turning the fricking heel first"???? Or my other favorite, turning the heel without remembering to knit a heel flap. Classics.

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Margaux said...

Browsing the archives and came across this gem. It's very late, but my other half melted me when he said "I don't care if my socks match."

Almost as good as what you have up there, I'd say.